double income no kids

[TrooperThorn]

Interesting story.

While most of my friends and family have been supportive, I have this one very dear friend named Sherry, who thought she knew better. Every time I would mention we weren't planning on having kids, she would get a very knowing smile on her face like she couldn't wait to tell me, "I told you so" as soon as I would "announce" that we had changed our minds.

At the time, she had one lovely daughter named Keila. My brother had his first baby, a girl named Amelia, (my well doted upon niece!) I made the announcement to my friends that I was so excited to be an aunt. Sherry gave sincere congratulations and said...

"Oh I know you are just going to love being and aunt. So much so, that I bet you'll be changing your mind soon about having kids".

I looked at her and said...

"Sherry, I love you very much, but you are not being respectful of me as a friend when you keep bringing this up. This is a major life decision that I have made, and it is no less hurtful or rude for you to say it, than if I said to you "Gee, I know Keila is adorable and cute right now, but in about 10 years, you are going to wish she had never been born".

That got the point across & she apologized profusely (she is still one of my dearest friends).

I think she still thinks we will change our mind someday, and for some reason, I feel the need to "assure" her that while we feel this way, we haven't taken any "irrecovable" steps in our birth control planning. I understand that she is coming from a place where her daughters (she has 2 now) have brought her so much joy and personal fufillment that she wants me to experience it too. It's actually a very loving place she is coming from, but I think she is finally getting that I find fufillment in other ways.

(I hope I'm not opening up a whole other topic here, this one is so intetresing) I feel the same way toward people who "pray for me" even though (or purely because) I don't believe in god. According to their beliefs, I have a very firey future ahead of me and they don't want that for me, so they try to "save me". It' a kind way of looking at it, so I try not to get too offended when people's choices and way of life are opposite of mine.

Wow, waxing way too philosophical for a Saturday morning! I'm taking my DINKWAD self out for a hike with the boys, a little shopping, a late lunch with a DINKWAC (with a cat) friend, a massage and a manicure, and then a fun girls night out.

Hope something lovely hapeens today for everyone...
...favorite song on the radio
...call from an old friend
...prime parking spaces
...lovely spring flowers everywere!

 

[Cami]

I am really enjoying this thread!

I get annoyed every time I get the whole "you will change your mind thing"....it will NEVER happen. I don't go around telling parents that eventually they will also change their minds. How rude and inappropriate would that be? Yet people don't hesitate to say that to me. I find it offensive.

Also, I never understand certain reasoning.....

"Who will take care of you when you are older"?
Um. I plan on having that covered by investing and saving wisely.

"You should want someone to carry on your name".
Um. I am married, already don't have my name. It doesn't bother me now and it sure as hell won't bother me after I am dead.

"Look at all the things you are going to miss out on".
Um. I am not missing out on anything that I don't want to miss out on now. I have no desire to have certain experiences. Just today while at work a co-worker was talking about how her son pooped in the tub and then proceeded to "do artwork" with it on the bathroom walls. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND THINKS THAT IS SOMETHING ANYONE SHOULD NOT MISS OUT ON????

"Don't you want someone that will love you unconditionally"?
Um. There is no guarantee that your offspring will love you. Who comes up with this stuff? I know people who despise family members.

"People that are married are supposed to have children. You will miss the KODAK moments."
Um. I take plenty of pictures, thank you very much!!

 

[graciegrace]

Well, I have 3 kids ages 9, 6, & 4. My first was born when I was 17 (not an accident believe it or not). I knew from the time I was very small that if I was a mom, I had accomplished everything I wanted. I have a sister who does not want kids. While the feeling that she is going to miss out on a lot and that she is not living the "traditional" life comes to me a lot, I am very thankful she does not have kids. Her lifestyle would have to totally change, and she doesn't want that. I would feel sorry for the child if she had one and I totally commend her for not doing so. Since I always wanted children I thought it was just a natural thing, but it is not for everyone. I sometimes wish I had the freedom, but know I wouldn't be happy that way. Just because being a mom makes me happy doesn't mean it is the same for someone else.

 

[Linda/NJ]

I am really enjoying this thread!

I get annoyed every time I get the whole "you will change your mind thing"....it will NEVER happen. I don't go around telling parents that eventually they will also change their minds. How rude and inappropriate would that be? Yet people don't hesitate to say that to me. I find it offensive.

Also, I never understand certain reasoning.....

"Who will take care of you when you are older"?
Um. I plan on having that covered by investing and saving wisely.

"You should want someone to carry on your name".
Um. I am married, already don't have my name. It doesn't bother me now and it sure as hell won't bother me after I am dead.

"Look at all the things you are going to miss out on".
Um. I am not missing out on anything that I don't want to miss out on now. I have no desire to have certain experiences. Just today while at work a co-worker was talking about how her son pooped in the tub and then proceeded to "do artwork" with it on the bathroom walls. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND THINKS THAT IS SOMETHING ANYONE SHOULD NOT MISS OUT ON????

"Don't you want someone that will love you unconditionally"?
Um. There is no guarantee that your offspring will love you. Who comes up with this stuff? I know people who despise family members.

"People that are married are supposed to have children. You will miss the KODAK moments."
Um. I take plenty of pictures, thank you very much!!

Definately heard all these! My DH got asked recently to be godfather to 2 friends babies. They assume no kids that we are rich, namely saying the kids will get some great gifts! That is not what a godparent is for. Also we will babysit! We will, no one checked with us. No thanks, babysit your own kids, we do not have them nor want to watch them.

 

[Boxer Babies]

Hiya everybody,

I am so glad I posted this thread now its great.

Anyways, we had a part here last night, just a few people around for some drinks.

anyway, my Husbands, cousins wife came along with their 3 month old baby (her hubbie had to work).

So Sara arrived and after half an hour of unpacking the car, she was settled and joined the party. Well I think bubs knew what was going on and decided she wasnt going to go to sleep like usual, so poor Sara was back and forth for about an hour and half trying to get bub down. Bless her, she is a very good baby, but she knew mum wanted a couple of drinks and thought better.

Anyway they both stayed over the night, because Sara was drinking. And what a good bub she was, she ditn wake AT ALL during the night. And she woke at 6am this morning, had a bottle and went back to sleep until 8am

So this morning we all get up (and I can tell you we were not healthy... must have been the food NOT).
Oh Sara was struggling. Again, bubs was great but all Sara wanted to do (and me) was just lay down and take some pressure off her head.
Now before anyone gets upset, Sara didnt get blind drunk and she was looking after bubs the whole time.

But you know, I sat there this morning and I thought, I just couldnt do that, or wouldnt want to do that. Im hungover and I just couldnt cope with a baby.
anyway hubbie cooked us all bacon and eggs (the greasy stuff) for breakfast and we all started to get some colour back in our cheeks.
Sara went home around 11.30am and I just really felt for her you know.

We had another couple her as well and their 9 yr old son. They were saying they had to get up and 8am this morning to watch him play soccer.
Again I thought, I just wouldnt want to do that.

It has all just re-confirmed what I already knew... Im just not cup out for kids.

Now my dogs on the other hand... they were great. Loved all the visitors, but when everyone had arrived they just settled and went to sleep.
See now thats how a kid should be. LOL

better end this, its getting too long..

Leanne Blayz and Thai

 

[Jill's boxer]

Hiya everybody,

I am so glad I posted this thread now its great.

Anyways, we had a part here last night, just a few people around for some drinks.

anyway, my Husbands, cousins wife came along with their 3 month old baby (her hubbie had to work)...

Anyway they both stayed over the night, because Sara was drinking. And what a good bub she was, she ditn wake AT ALL during the night. And she woke at 6am this morning, had a bottle and went back to sleep until 8am

So this morning we all get up (and I can tell you we were not healthy... must have been the food NOT).
Oh Sara was struggling. Again, bubs was great but all Sara wanted to do (and me) was just lay down and take some pressure off her head.
Now before anyone gets upset, Sara didnt get blind drunk and she was looking after bubs the whole time.

But you know, I sat there this morning and I thought, I just couldnt do that, or wouldnt want to do that. Im hungover and I just couldnt cope with a baby.
anyway hubbie cooked us all bacon and eggs (the greasy stuff) for breakfast and we all started to get some colour back in our cheeks.
Sara went home around 11.30am and I just really felt for her you know.

We had another couple her as well and their 9 yr old son. They were saying they had to get up and 8am this morning to watch him play soccer.
Again I thought, I just wouldnt want to do that.

It has all just re-confirmed what I already knew... Im just not cup out for kids....

Leanne Blayz and Thai

LOL--I am so with you on this! There have been a few (just a few ) "mornings-after" like this for me where its all the strength I can muster just to be sure Gracie is let out and fed/watered before slowly struggling through a greasy breakfast and crawling back to bed I couldn't imagine trying to rally the strength to take care of a child (or worse--plural--children!). For those that can--more power to 'em!

 

[mmsimon]

Wow, it's so nice to hear other people that share my philosopy on kids. I couldn't agree more with you guys; however, from the other perspective...I think that people who decide to have children believe that the bad things ("poop art") are outweighed by the good (I need help seeing this aspect myself but often I think parents find kids funny and cute and they love to be needed). Is this correct? Personally, the positives are just not enough for me. Glad I know it

 

[anabella67]

I have a 10mth old nephew that I adore and spoil rotten but he's the only child I'm ever going to have. Neither Matt (my fiancee) or I want kids. Our families are still trying to convince us that we need kids, they really understand that we aren't having any. We're both extremely active and we love our lives. Plus if we had kids they would be really messed up...they would be gorgeous, anti-social, narcissistic, egoistical, masochist's, with severe OCD, and extremely high IQ's. Tell me that wouldn't be scary... We would be raising Serial Killers.

 

[Gen G. :)]

Interesting story.

While most of my friends and family have been supportive, I have this one very dear friend named Sherry, who thought she knew better. Every time I would mention we weren't planning on having kids, she would get a very knowing smile on her face like she couldn't wait to tell me, "I told you so" as soon as I would "announce" that we had changed our minds.

At the time, she had one lovely daughter named Keila. My brother had his first baby, a girl named Amelia, (my well doted upon niece!) I made the announcement to my friends that I was so excited to be an aunt. Sherry gave sincere congratulations and said...

"Oh I know you are just going to love being and aunt. So much so, that I bet you'll be changing your mind soon about having kids".

I looked at her and said...

"Sherry, I love you very much, but you are not being respectful of me as a friend when you keep bringing this up. This is a major life decision that I have made, and it is no less hurtful or rude for you to say it, than if I said to you "Gee, I know Keila is adorable and cute right now, but in about 10 years, you are going to wish she had never been born".

That got the point across & she apologized profusely (she is still one of my dearest friends).

I think she still thinks we will change our mind someday, and for some reason, I feel the need to "assure" her that while we feel this way, we haven't taken any "irrecovable" steps in our birth control planning. I understand that she is coming from a place where her daughters (she has 2 now) have brought her so much joy and personal fufillment that she wants me to experience it too. It's actually a very loving place she is coming from, but I think she is finally getting that I find fufillment in other ways.

(I hope I'm not opening up a whole other topic here, this one is so intetresing) I feel the same way toward people who "pray for me" even though (or purely because) I don't believe in god. According to their beliefs, I have a very firey future ahead of me and they don't want that for me, so they try to "save me". It' a kind way of looking at it, so I try not to get too offended when people's choices and way of life are opposite of mine.

Reading your post completely hit home with me, in both instances (kids and religion). I am young, 25, but my BF (31) and I do not want kids. I have never really felt the desire or need to have a kid, and it was always a point of disagreement with my exes who wanted them, until I met my actual BF who doesn't want them at all. I was relieved to find someone who understood my point of view regarding children and didn't make me feel like a horrible person. ("You're not a real woman as long as you don't have kids... You're selifish... I thought you loved your parents, what's wrong with you... etc.)

Well, this would be all fine but one of my closest friends (Marie) and her BF got pregnant 3 years ago, by "accident", but they decided to keep the baby even if they were really young. She was 18, he was 19. Fine with me! I never said anything for or against it, and I truly think her baby William is a very cute kid. But, still, kids aren't for me (I knew that before he was born, so he's not the reason for my decision, but seeing him grow up DID confirm my original idea). My friend Marie doesn't understand my choice and always says with a smug face "We'll discuss it in 10 years when you have kids." Ummm, NO. It even got to a point where I had the impression she was feeling insulted by my choice, as if I disregarded hers; she would complain about her kid (he doesn't sleep, he is a brat, he cries all the time... etc), and if I said anything about kids (even if I comforted her about her baby problems! She brought it up, not me!) she would get very defensive. "He's not THAT BAD, you know, blah blah blah..." It was a nightmare, I almost reconsidered our friendship.

Well, finally I told her that my personal choice of not wanting kids was NOT, in any way, related to her son; I told her my decision would NOT change in time and it was useless trying to convince me to think otherwise. I think she accepted my explanation, but superficially; like your friend, I think Marie still believes in her heart of hearts I will eventually cave in and have kids. (I also think my DAD thinks the same way, but that's another story :rolleyes

As for religion, my BF and I are atheists. I don't believe in God, but I do respect people who do, as long as they do NOT try to convince me their religion is better than my atheism. I think there should be a way to coexist, between religions and between different beliefs (or lack of). So people who say I will eventually believe as I grow older, or who "pray for me" because I don't, seem not to respect me. I find that sad... But if it makes them feel any better praying for me, well, go ahead. But don't tell me

So, no matter the topic, whether it is children or religion or favorite foods, I just think people should respect one another and accept the choices they make are only their OWN, and shouldn't try to convince everyone around them that their choice is the best! :D:D

 

[kpowell]

What an interesting thread!

I ran across this thread while searching for information about bell training! I read through the whole thing and have to say that I really respect everyone here who decided not to have kids. I'm just now to the stage where mine will be leaving (hopefully) after many years of sacrifice and just plain hard work. They are 20 and soon to be 17, and I love them dearly, and would, by the way, do it all over again. But it is so very nice to be able to claim the day for yourself. I don't have to wake up, dress, bathe, tie shoes, help to potty, feed, etc. anyone but myself (well, Stella is still pretty dependent, but I'm enjoying this brief moment of puppyhood!) Not to mention the very expensive side of having a child! Even saving like crazy for 18 years, we still have to borrow some money for college because they both wanted to go to private colleges (I know public is cheaper, but it was my choice to let them!)