double income no kids

[ChefStomp91]

I have dealt with this too. My BF is 37 and has a 15 year old daughter from a previous relationship and he is done. I am 36 and my life has worked out as such that having a child (with skin) now would be unfathomable. Although there was a point after my father died five years ago that I seriously considered it and looked into sperm donors. I am now thankful that I didn't.

We only have one couple that we do anything with and they live about an hour away. We do stuff with my company and with some of our single friends. We will also throw parties and barbeques and invite everyone we know and maybe 25% will show up. Although we are pretty happy just doing our own thing - it would be nice to have more friends to do things with.

I found a group called No Kidding. It is a group for people - single, comitted relationship and married - who have chosen not to have children. Their website is nokidding.net. I looked and they have a chapter in Sydney and one in Brisbane. I don't know if that is close to you. They don't have a chapter here where I live but it might be an option for you and anyone else who is looking to meet other childless couples.

Hope this helps.

 

[LeahR]

I just posted a thread along the same lines as this My hubby (37) and I (29) do not have kids and are not going to have kids for the same reasons you stated. We like our freedom too much and like to be able to do whatever we want ( provided the boxers can come too of course) so I understand how you feel. I'm in an even bigger spot cause we moved from where I grew up and it's sooooooooooo hard to meet new people. Alot of people responded to my thread with some great ideas, the thread is meeting new people.

 

[TrooperThorn]

Hello fellow Dinkwad!

My Husband and I call ourselves DINKWAD's (double income no kids with a dog).

We're both 36 and I'm so grateful to not have kids! I have a hard enough time just keeping everything togetehr with us, the house, the dogs and work. I totally hear your frustration.

We've tried making our get togethers earlier in the day so the kids don't get tired, but I do miss when everyone was "kid-less". Don't get me wrong; all the kids are adoarable , but I do get (resentful is too strong a word, but you know what I mean) that my friends don't spend as much time with us, or when they do, they are constantly distracted or interrupted by the kids. I totaly understand that that is how it has to be AND SHOULD BE (I am very proud of all my friends for being such involved parents). We try to be accomodating and see them on their schedule, but I am definately glad that we also have a group of very good friends who also do not have kids and we get to spend time with them.

As far as making new friends, maybe Boxerworld can introduce you to some other kid free frolk. It's always hard, but good things are worth the exta effort.

Stay in touch and we can comiserate anytime. We can complain while we get our manicures before we head out to Brunch, then taking the dogs for a leisurly walk at sunset along the shore, before heading home to light all the candles and build a fire, and snuggling for the evening in with a good bottle of wine, a plate of imported cheese, and a good book!

 

[Britbox]

I think It's perfectly O.K. to stand up and say that you have decided you don't want kids, and you are very happy the way you are...I don't think It's in the least selfish, and I think far too many people feel pressured into having kids, because It's what expected of them. I know lots of people in your situation, that have either opted out of having babies, or for some reason, have not been able to have a family...I must admit that on the whole, their marriages /relationships seem less fraught, and more relaxed, and in in my experience, the couples seem to be much closer than a lot of people with children...I expect the reason for this is, that obviously, they have more disposable income, and are able to enjoy more time together as a couple, nice holidays, a good social life, and generally a better standard of living.
I have three kids... I shouldn't really call them that know, they are all grown men ...I was married at 16, and had my first son when I was 17..my family was complete by the time I was 25, I wouldn't change a thing, I love all 3 of my boys so much, but , It was very tough trying to make ends meet, or find any time for ourselves...Me and the old man have been together for all that time, and it has been tough, we have spent our whole life putting the kids needs first, and had virtually no social life to speak of. We used to take the kids on holiday, but only in this country...It's only now, all these years later that we are able to do things as a couple....I'd never been in a plane, or couldn't drive, until I was over 30!!....I suppose I am living my life in reverse... I'm doing all the things now that maybe I should have done when I was younger, I have a social life, friends, a few bob to spend... and I don't feel ready to give up on life yet! But I've had to wait a very long time to be able to go buy myself something without feeling guilty about it.......In the meantime, the old mans lost his hair, my jowls rival Millie's, and I'm eyeing up those shopping trolly things old ladies use (of course, mine would have to be pink and be decorated with diamante ) and two of my kids have made me a grandmother, a YOUNG one of course! .... The youngest is of the same opinion as you, and has decided he and his girlfriend are not going to have children.
I think life is for living, in whatever way makes you happy, so don't let anyone make you feel guilty!....I hope you can get together with some like minded people, what about those couples only holidays?

 

[richarc6]

We don't have any children either and have no intentions for any. We love our nieces and nephews but have no desire for our own. We have friends both ways....with and without...It's great with both....some we party and travel to exotic locations and some we BBQ with on the weekends. I love having that mix....I do feel your pain on the annoyance of them not being able to do "what they want when they want" but that truly is life and life with friends with children. I wouldn't give up those friends for the world and love their kids as well. I suppose you could consider us selfish also in a sense because of our choices in life but we value our freedom~~not to mention the financial aspect. Some people just don't understand the dogs being the children, but let me tell you the ones that didn't understand DID understand once they saw us with Ruckus dying....I think it finally sunk in...

Don't consider yourself selfish. Children are something that require a 100% committment--Just because we are not willing to do that doesn't make us selfish....just makes us different people....but not bad.... There are so many other ways in life we can give selflessly.

Carolyn

Mom to:

Ali 2 yr brindle baby girl
Dempsey 5 month flashy fawn male

Ruckus 04-00/01-06 brindle love muffin

 

[KCboxer4]

We also have no skin-kids, I totally understand what you mean. Were like ready to do something and everyones busy with the kids, we find our friends are either 10-12yrs older than us or 10-12yrs younger It's now getting to the point our friends with kids that are grown are having grandkids, so they babysit and thats wonderful don't get me wrong. I guess Im grateful wev'e had all of our friends for so long and we all just seem to go with the flow. It is hard too sometimes even at work, and Ive worked with theese wonderful people for 17+ years, they talk about kids, I don't even know what to say. I would not know what to do with a child, never had one soooooooo Now animals, thats a different story I talk about my "kids" so much everyone comes to me for every animal imaginable for advice, I guess it would be the same as asking what kinda diapers to use

 

[TrooperThorn]

they talk about kids, I don't even know what to say.

I am always so embarassesd whenever my friends starts talking about their kids and I'll say "I know what you mean, when our dogs do that..."

I really don't mean to compare my dogs to their kids; I know it's totaly different, but it's the only frame of reference I have! LOL!

Most are understanding, but I'm sure I've offended someone along the way!

 

[Jill's boxer]

I am in the same boat! My DH and I have been married 14 yrs (I'm 35, he's 33 now) and we both knew early on that we didn't want to have children, and our boxers were/are our "babies". Many of our friends have started their families over the past few years and we have found ourselves drifting further away from them--not intentionally--but just through circumstance. They are not always free for nights out, etc and we find ourselves often times excluded from the "family" type events with the other couples with children. Its not that we dislike children, we just choose a different life and want to have the freedom that not having children affords us and allows us to experience. (although our boxer is always first and sometimes puts a damper on the plans as well! so we might as well have children! LOL) And we find it harder to make new friends many times b/c the folks with kids exclude us (maybe they think we hate kids since we don't have them? I dunno...) and the ones without kids usually tend to be younger and sadly, we've mellowed a bit and no longer want to live like 20-somethings either! Geez! its hard to find a happy medium sometimes! generally the folks we tend to hang out with now are older than us! Mostly we tend to spend much time "just the two of us", which actually suits me just fine most times--he's my best friend and we truly enjoy each others company! We are happy to just be together, he and I and Gracie and do a bit of exploring around and spending time together most of the time...sometimes I do worry we have become too exclusive....hmmm...maybe we should all find a way to meet up and then all of us "childless" boxer owners could have friends too!

 

[rmcbrair]

No, you're not alone. Everyone goes though this at stages in their lives, whether it's from having children themselves or having friends who do. I've been on both sides of the issue, my son now being grown. But people's lives are always in transition for many reasons, not just children, and friendship changes come as a natural part of that. The ones who are meant to stick do stick.

The idea of perhaps looking for other dog people is a great one. You are passionate about your babies, as are a lot of us here, and that's a really strong common bond.

 

[Boxer Babies]

well Its great to hear from so many people on this subject. I knew I couldnt be the only person with this issue.

Molly you are so right. I too find myself jumpng into the conversation with :Oh yeah and Blayz does that too...: people think Im nuts. But our good friends know us and know ho important our dogs are to us. actually the friends we have have really surprised me lately when we found out about Thais AS. Even my mum has finally worked it out. She came out the other day with :so how is my grandson doin". It was sweet.
And hubbies mum bought the dogs a bad of treats for Christmas last year.
His parent are very religious and his dad used to give us a hard time about not having kids... I mean a hard time. But they are more accepting now.

And I think I will get into something dog related. To be honest I have been saying for a couple of years now I want to volunteer for the local dog rescue. obviously I couldnt foster, but I can in other ways. So this afternoon when I go back to work Im going to call them up and see what I can do.

And I like the idea of the "no kidding"group. I will look them up too. Although BRisbane and Sydney are on the other side of Australia, maybe I can start one here.

onward and upward... look out world here I come!

Thanks to all who replied. I think we should all meet up, lets say in Vegas at the Montecito of course (I hope you all get Las Vegas on TV). We can all take our babies because Ed wouldnt mind. OMG we could have a boxer convention... what do you think! And Danny can be our personal host....mmm

back to reality... thanks again

Leanne Blayz and Thai