double income no kids

[TrooperThorn]

I personally think people who choose not to have children are being realistic and sensible, not selfish!

Thank You! My parents (surprisingly enough) said the same thing!

I have actually had a number of friends who have kids tell me that it's a smart decsion. It's not that they don't love their kids, but being a parent is SO much more demanding and relentless than they ever dreamed.

 

[amymboxer]

I really think animal people "get" the taking care of another living thing with or without kids. I love my two children and the two dogs, heck I love life. Living things you know I love all the stuff going on with them all. All of it. I hope to always be surrounded by it. I wouldn't take any of it back. I've learned so much. When I was younger I thought I wouldn't have kids.. then opps? baby on board. Those kids have been great for me. (OK so the 5 yr old drives me crazy sometimes can we say energizer bunny, she and Rufus can relate ) I always joke my 9 yr old daughter should be the child that people that didn't want children would want. And the 5yr old would be the reason they would never want children again (kidding)
I do see the flip side too. My sister-in-law has had 3 babies. One has been adopted. I know this sounds bad but she has that "puppy" syndrome some people get with their dogs you know cute puppy no disipline and then discard the wild teenager. She does that with her own children! She loves babies and then plop in front of the T.V. Now her 9 year old daughter is fast becoming very unruly. She's not married to any of the fathers (yes that's plural!) That one really needs not to have children..she kills me when she says she wants 6!
My best friend does not have kids or is married, not by choice it just hasn't happened. I certainly feel bad for her as she sees all of us but it doesn't mean she can't have a great life. She does all kinds of things that have been tough for me when the kids were little. I hate for her to feel like she has to be a certain mold to have a great fufilling life. People often make rude comments without thinking when it comes to having kids.

 

[Cami]

I am 38 and childfree. Childless seems to point towards wanting or desiring something that you can't have.
I have never wanted children and have never once considered associating that with being selfish. I consider it honest. I like my life the way it is. I would not like having children and all of the responsibilities that go along with it. I am not saying that I don't currently have responsibilities, I do. I just don't want the ones that come from being a parent.

Dh & I are both 38 years old. He was raised in a family that "gets married and has children". Follow a specific life-script. He knows how I feel and is still here after 14 years of marriage and over 20 years of being together.

He has friends with kids. None of my close friends have children. I have realized the older we get the less desire we have to do much socializing. We do occasional dinners with both childed and unchilded couples. I have yet to have a complete dinner conversation with parents where at some point their children didn't come into it. I can only smile and hope the conversation changes to something that I know something about! I don't talk about my pets with non-pet owners and I would NEVER bring along my dog to someones house who didn't have dogs or who didn't invite them. I have had parents with kids show up at my house and expect me to cater to their children when I have no desire to or knowledge on how to do so. *Most* people assume that since I am a female that I will naturally get all gushy over their kids. I don't.

I also worry that who will look after us when we are old? Now I know that is not a valid reason to have kids but I tell you its a bloody hard decision.

Glad to see you added in the last part. That would be selfish. If my dad ever told me that he had me to ensure that he had a caretaker some day I would be appalled. Not that I don't have every intention of caring for him (I do now), but what a lot to have to live up to. Plus who is to say that your kids will even be in the same city or like their parents????

Guess I have got a little winded here. Bottom line. There are multiple places to meet up with childfree adults. A great many websites have popped up in the past few years for childfree adults. On the flip side there is no reason to not create a friendship with parents as long as one can realize that their children will always come first and sometimes they can't get away at a moments notice.

 

[Maniago]

Check out this Childless by Choice community

 

[shaunamarie]

ahhhhhhhhh well

We are 28 and 27 and last year we were a dual military couple... people would say things to us because we lived on post where everybody was stuck home so they said with kids... we do have children but my daughter lives with me a year and my ex a year. but the people around us were not so understanding. OUR Boxers are our babies too and no matter what things come with that... When Peanut has diareah we dont do anything but take care of her same with everybody in our house... WHere I live that is not acceptable but I just do my own thing. I dont at all think its selfish to not want kids.. In Fact i would say its selfish to not use birth control and keep reproducing when you are not able to afford the children you have. Not just braces and college but some people keep having children when they cant afford to feed and clothe the ones they have. Besides thats your choice.
Just my opinion though. I think you are thinking realisticly and responsable. we wanted another child but thats just us and since invetro failed we will not ever try again and thats ok with me. But to each their own life you know. I also think people with other boxers or animals period might be more understanding to your furry babies and your feelings towards them.

 

[Jill's boxer]

I am 38 and childfree. Childless seems to point towards wanting or desiring something that you can't have.
I have never wanted children and have never once considered associating that with being selfish. I consider it honest. I like my life the way it is. I would not like having children and all of the responsibilities that go along with it. I am not saying that I don't currently have responsibilities, I do. I just don't want the ones that come from being a parent.

Well put! My DH truly echos your thoughts on not wanting the responsibilities that come with parenthood--we both totally respect and are sometimes in awe of the tremendous sacrifice and responsibility that parents face and so willingly make without a second thought most times. And I agree with the lessening desire to socialize! I think sometimes my DH and I get a bit elitist, in that we are getting to the point where we prefer our time together as a couple much more than being out with others more often than not! We do enjoy nice dinners out with friends or hosting the occasional cocktails and dinner party sort of thing, but the times when it is just he and I and our "baby" Gracie (and before that, Norton) are always the best!

 

[KonaKoffe]

I am always so embarassesd whenever my friends starts talking about their kids and I'll say "I know what you mean, when our dogs do that..."

I really don't mean to compare my dogs to their kids; I know it's totaly different, but it's the only frame of reference I have! LOL!

Most are understanding, but I'm sure I've offended someone along the way!

My husband does it at work on purpose when people start talking about their kids and try to involve him ( We are DINKSWAD too - by choice and for the same reasons) .Generally it goes right over their heads- Woooosh! Hey, if they don't want to hear about our fur kid why would he want to hear about their skin kids. His favorite is when they compare potty training stories and how ours is already trained and even rings a bell to tell us she has to pee.

Actually we are perfectly happy with our choice and would not have it differently. We pretty much keep to ourselves anyways so I never really stopped to think about what others think about our choice. I do know that some of the people I work with and our neighbors are jealous of the disposable income we have on account of not having children. There are also many guys I work with that obviously are happy to travel or work overtime to get a break from the kids.

We have actually started requesting along with the no smoking section in the restaurants the no kids section (I can't bring my kid.)

 

[DeLong]

I am always so embarassesd whenever my friends starts talking about their kids and I'll say "I know what you mean, when our dogs do that..."

I really don't mean to compare my dogs to their kids; I know it's totaly different, but it's the only frame of reference I have! LOL!

Most are understanding, but I'm sure I've offended someone along the way!

I used to care but they sure dont mind throwing thier kids in every chance they get.

Ive got a guy that talks about his kid being great in school to the point it makes me sick. Tula started training a while ago so after very class I make sure to tell him how great shes doing.I told him I was going to get a bumper sticker made saying" My dogs smarter than your honor student".

I love the fact we dont have kids but some people need to give it a rest that they do.


This is a nice thread btw. Many of us w/o kids with boxers seem to feel the same way. God bless you.

 

[DeLong]

My husband does it at work on purpose when people start talking about their kids and try to involve him ( We are DINKSWAD too - by choice and for the same reasons) .Generally it goes right over their heads- Woooosh! Hey, if they don't want to hear about our fur kid why would he want to hear about their skin kids. His favorite is when they compare potty training stories and how ours is already trained and even rings a bell to tell us she has to pee.

Actually we are perfectly happy with our choice and would not have it differently. We pretty much keep to ourselves anyways so I never really stopped to think about what others think about our choice. I do know that some of the people I work with and our neighbors are jealous of the disposable income we have on account of not having children. There are also many guys I work with that obviously are happy to travel or work overtime to get a break from the kids.

We have actually started requesting along with the no smoking section in the restaurants the no kids section (I can't bring my kid.)

You are on the money with this post.

 

[rmcbrair]

Thank You! My parents (surprisingly enough) said the same thing!

I have actually had a number of friends who have kids tell me that it's a smart decsion. It's not that they don't love their kids, but being a parent is SO much more demanding and relentless than they ever dreamed.

That's wonderful you have your parents' and some friends' support in this. And "relentless" is really a great descriptive too. I love my son more than anything in this world, but I gave up life as I knew it to parent him. No matter how tired or sick you are, you must keep going, and it is the most demanding job you will ever have. (I always grit my teeth when people look down on stay-at-home moms because they have the perception that they "don't do anything." They probably work harder than most people in offices!) I really enjoyed Matthew's babyhood and childhood, but I chose not to have more children because I learned the first time around how much time and money is involved, and I never felt properly equipped for a second child. You simply have to do what's right for you, because what's right for you is also right for any child you do or don't have. People who decide not to have children because they don't want to go that route are always making the right decision!