double income no kids

[ChefStomp91]

If we are going to meet up in Nevada (in reality) - we could do it in Reno/Lake Tahoe - weather here is much cooler, we have the truckee river (which is great for the dogs to play in), we have a ton of parks, Lake Tahoe, Pyramid Lake, Virginia City, plenty of hotel space. Of course I live here so I wouldn't have to go down south - the drive down 50 is no fun. But there are a lot more recreational activities up here for people and their dogs (hiking, rafting, biking, kayaking, boating, picnicing, etc.).

Ah - to dream.....

 

[richarc6]

I am surprised how many people replied to this. I am sure since dogs take the place of children in a lot of couples' lives there are probably a lot more on here in the same situation. Kindof cool to read everyone's responses though. -solidifies my own thoughts and reasonings. Every year that passes I think something might change but it just hasn't! We have too much fun together.

Has your decision disappointed your families? I know ours have...I am the only left on husband's side capable of having that BOY! ...and my poor parents want nothing more but fortunately neither side is pushy or outwardly disappointed. They respect our decisions and are super supportive but I know it's back there in their minds....makes me a little sad.

Carolyn

Mom to:

Ali 2 yr brindle baby girl
Dempsey 5 month flashy fawn male

Ruckus 04-00/01-06 brindle love muffin

 

[SandyHG55654]

We are a single income with kids and dogs family. Soon to be double income I have taken 10 years off to raise my kids but plan to return to work in the fall. I have always thought of dog owners as 2 types the ones who have kids making it a family dog or the type who have a dog as a kid making it your family. I don't find anything wrong with either.Although I have come across alot of dog as their child owners who don't have as much patience with people who have both kids and dogs together. I am an extremely patient person and don't judge anyone by their choices in life but it seems like there is alot more people who will tollerate dog problems more than problems related to children. I have made a choice to sacrafice lots of material items to raise my kids and maybe get together with friends once a year aside from family holidays or children's parties and we have lost alot of friends who don't have kids because they can't relate to not being able to go out for lack of a sitter and things like that. I wouldn't have it any other way though, as i'm sure those who chose no kids like the freedom too!

 

[mmsimon]

I couldn't have stumbled across this thread at a better time. I am currently in a position where I am weighing whether I want to have kids or not (I am either going to continue school for a good 5-8 years and do the career thing, or do something else anf have kids) . I really can't see it for myself. Sure there are times that I think it would be nice. And little kids are soooo cute. But they grow...and the day-to-day...I can hardly keep up as it is and still have down time. From our talks, I get the impression that DH is one of those people who feel obligated to have kids (brought up in the traditional religious family, good family life, and his sister did the family thing). I do believe that he is just fixated on this idea that that is part of life and he would feel something missing if he didn't have children (his words, not mine). Sure doesn't sound well-thought-out to me. We are annoyed by noisy kids when we are out and like to have nice things, don't like being tied down (I had to talk him into the dog for that aspect) and want to do lots of things in life like travel the world. I know we aren't suited for kids...we are too selfish. But the way I see it at least we can admit it. Many people never want to admit they are and have kids and really mess things up. So at least we are in tune with reality, I think. Anyway, we have only been married just about 2 years, and we had the kid discussion before we got married so there are no surprises there. I want to be a career woman. I will not do both...it's too insane. Anyway, just had to make my contribution. Can anyone else relate? Was anyone ever not in total agreement with their significant other? If so, what did you do?

 

[TrooperThorn]

Hey Leanne,
Hope we haven't hijacked your initial topic of "Meeting people when you don't have kids" too much!

There's a very fun book out there called "Baby Not on Board" that is a humorous read for those considering not having kids (or a great affirmation for those of us who have decided it's not for us). You can find it on Amazon , along with some more serious books with questions to ponder if kids are right for you or not.

I am heartened by the large number of "Dinkwads" out there & I am so glad that people are so open to respecting each other's opinions and choices!

 

[Jill's boxer]

this might be a little off-topic as well, but within the scope of this thread and many of our replies...

why is it that those of us who have made the decision not to have children have either been labelled selfish by others, or seem to feel we need to label ourselves as selfish--almost as if we are apologising for our choice? Choosing a different path in life that suits you better doesn't mean you are selfish, it means you are making the right choice for YOU. THere are many selfish reasons to HAVE children, not everyone has a child for the "right" reasons, I am sure most of us have seen this happen. I am perfectly happy with my choice not to have children and why we (my DH and I) made that choice, but sometimes I really do find that I almost need to apologise or justify my choice--only to have it "labelled" as being selfish. I could just as easily say that couples with kids are selfish for wanting/needing validation in their life, someone to look up to them/love them/depend on them, etc -- I am NOT saying this at all nor do I feel this way--however it is one way to look at it, I suppose--just as those couples could say I was selfish for not wanting kids and instead choosing material things or travel/freedom over children....does what I am saying make sense at all? I am not debating the "to have kids or not" issue, just wondering why we (DINKWADS, etc) either feel or are viewed as selfish for our choice?

 

[Rocky's Ma]

Hi All,

I only came across this forum last night and love it!!!

Im wondering if others experience the same problem we do.

We dont have any kids (not skin ones anyway)and arent planning any
. Im 34 my husband is 39. And we have real problems meeting new friends. I mean we have a few friends but just when you meet some, bang they get married have babies and their whole lives revolve around their baby. Dont get me wrong, I love little babies and I dont begrudge them at all.

Its just really difficult to find people who are like us. I mean we have made a lifestyle decision not to have children because we know we are too selfish and dont want to give up our lifestyle. If that offends anyone Im sorry, its just how we are.

The few friends we do have are great, some have kids some dont. Some are a lot younger than us (early 20s) and havent started families yet. Sometimes I find myslef intolerent when people say they cant come to a BBQ because of the kids. I know thats harsh and I try not to be.

To make it even harder, a lot of our friends just dont understand that our two Boxers ARE our children. They simply dont get it that we love them like kids.

Does anyone else have these problems? We cant be the only people in the world to face this. How did you deal with it?

Its pretty lonely sometimes...

I think it is very admirable that you made that decision. I would much rather people be like you and realize that they don't want to give up their freedom. I respect you much more than those people who have kids just to "have kids" and ignore the child and leave him/her with sitters constantly. Bravo to you for making that decision.

 

[rmcbrair]

this might be a little off-topic as well, but within the scope of this thread and many of our replies...

why is it that those of us who have made the decision not to have children have either been labelled selfish by others, or seem to feel we need to label ourselves as selfish--almost as if we are apologising for our choice? Choosing a different path in life that suits you better doesn't mean you are selfish, it means you are making the right choice for YOU. THere are many selfish reasons to HAVE children, not everyone has a child for the "right" reasons, I am sure most of us have seen this happen. I am perfectly happy with my choice not to have children and why we (my DH and I) made that choice, but sometimes I really do find that I almost need to apologise or justify my choice--only to have it "labelled" as being selfish. I could just as easily say that couples with kids are selfish for wanting/needing validation in their life, someone to look up to them/love them/depend on them, etc -- I am NOT saying this at all nor do I feel this way--however it is one way to look at it, I suppose--just as those couples could say I was selfish for not wanting kids and instead choosing material things or travel/freedom over children....does what I am saying make sense at all? I am not debating the "to have kids or not" issue, just wondering why we (DINKWADS, etc) either feel or are viewed as selfish for our choice?

Interesting question. I have one child and never thought of childless couples as being selfish but know some others who do. And you are so right about people having children for selfish reasons. Some people don't seem to have any forethought about whether they can afford them and whether they truly want another being in their lives that will consume the majority of their time and energy for many years. And no, I'm not saying having children is a right reserved only unto the financially fortunate, but it HAS to be something of a consideration to provide them with a life that helps them deal with everyday life and society at large. So, just to let you know, you have my vote. I personally think people who choose not to have children are being realistic and sensible, not selfish. And the ones who do have them and are good parents, they have my vote too!

 

[Boxer Babies]

Hi all,

I am so glad I posted this now. It is so interesting to hear everyone elses thoughts.

Molly I might look up that book, might be worth a read.

You know, I dont know why I label myself as selfish for not wanting kids. I mean part of the reason is that I dont want to have to give up any things in my life. I am very independant and if I want to get up and go shopping then thats what Ill do (not that I can afford to after my recent vet bills).

My other reason is that if I was to become a mum I would want to me like my mum was. Stay at home, look after the house and bake and stuff, always there after school etc. I mean i know once the child goes to school I could work part time, but the reasity is that I could not afford to not work for those first few years. And I am not one who would be comfortable putting my child in daycare during the first years. i think you miss too much you know.. I mean someone else expereinces those FIRST things your baby does.

Hubbie and I have really discussed this issue and we both agree that if it happened, he would probably have to be the stay at home dad, because Im the main bread winner.

My hubbie has a good option though. His view is that if by chance one day we do decide that we should have had kids, and its too late, there are so many kids out there who need to be adopted and loved.
Im happy with that option.

The most important thing is that I dont think my dogs would forgive me if I came home with a baby. although Thai is just bewildered with little babies. Hes so funny, whenever the bub makes a noise he stands there turning his head and crying.... its so beautiful.

And anyway, Im happy being a DINKWAD. Whoever thought up that name.... I love it

ta ta for now

Leanne Blayz and Thai.

 

[todell80]

this might be a little off-topic as well, but within the scope of this thread and many of our replies...

why is it that those of us who have made the decision not to have children have either been labelled selfish by others, or seem to feel we need to label ourselves as selfish--almost as if we are apologising for our choice? Choosing a different path in life that suits you better doesn't mean you are selfish, it means you are making the right choice for YOU. THere are many selfish reasons to HAVE children, not everyone has a child for the "right" reasons, I am sure most of us have seen this happen. I am perfectly happy with my choice not to have children and why we (my DH and I) made that choice, but sometimes I really do find that I almost need to apologise or justify my choice--only to have it "labelled" as being selfish. I could just as easily say that couples with kids are selfish for wanting/needing validation in their life, someone to look up to them/love them/depend on them, etc -- I am NOT saying this at all nor do I feel this way--however it is one way to look at it, I suppose--just as those couples could say I was selfish for not wanting kids and instead choosing material things or travel/freedom over children....does what I am saying make sense at all? I am not debating the "to have kids or not" issue, just wondering why we (DINKWADS, etc) either feel or are viewed as selfish for our choice?

Jill, you bring up an interesting point. I just finished a "Marriage and Family" class last week, and this was one of the "hot topics." There were a lot of people in the class that thought not having kids was a selfish decision, and that they weren't a "real family" if there were no kids. I was basically horrified, since I think any home situation is a family, even if it is just a husband and a wife. I know from experience that raising a family is a lot of hard work, and not everyone has the desire to do it. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have!! There are people that probably would not make the best parents, for whatever reason, and choose not to have kids. That is very unselfish on their part, b/c they are choosing not to bring kids into a situation that is not the best for them. I had my kids pretty young, and I never really thought about whether I actually wanted kids, or if I just was expected to. If I had been more conscious in my decision, things may have been different.

If people who have kids call you selfish, they are probably just jealous. I love my kids, but I miss having the freedom I used to. Not to mention the finances!!