double income no kids

[Boxer Babies]

Hi All,

I only came across this forum last night and love it!!!

Im wondering if others experience the same problem we do.

We dont have any kids (not skin ones anyway)and arent planning any
. Im 34 my husband is 39. And we have real problems meeting new friends. I mean we have a few friends but just when you meet some, bang they get married have babies and their whole lives revolve around their baby. Dont get me wrong, I love little babies and I dont begrudge them at all.

Its just really difficult to find people who are like us. I mean we have made a lifestyle decision not to have children because we know we are too selfish and dont want to give up our lifestyle. If that offends anyone Im sorry, its just how we are.

The few friends we do have are great, some have kids some dont. Some are a lot younger than us (early 20s) and havent started families yet. Sometimes I find myslef intolerent when people say they cant come to a BBQ because of the kids. I know thats harsh and I try not to be.

To make it even harder, a lot of our friends just dont understand that our two Boxers ARE our children. They simply dont get it that we love them like kids.

Does anyone else have these problems? We cant be the only people in the world to face this. How did you deal with it?

Its pretty lonely sometimes...

 

[hanley]

I'm sorry & don't have any answers for you. We have double income, children & Boxers that are like our children. None of them seem to get in the way of us having friends or a social life. We manage to mix it all with no problems & are never lonely. If the life you choose is not making you happy, try something different. We have friends that have no children or dogs, they seem happy & have no problems having friends.Just find what makes you happy & enjoy life, give your Boxer babies a kiss for me, I do understand loving them like children.
Hanley

 

[kt_brandy]

hello to a fellow aussie, this forum is great isn't it.

my hubby and i are both 37 nearly 38 (hubby's bth is the 21st may) and we dont have any kids but are trying through ivf. i do understand your frustration through that nobody understands that when you don't have kids either by choice or like us - nature, that the dogs become your children and you tend to treat them as such. we are the only ones in our group of friends who do not have children but i must admit i'm more like if we invite so and so then that means the kids have to come and the dogs will go nuts but everyone knows come to my house deal with the dogs, of course we dont let the dogs jump on anyone and hurt them they just have run of the house and if people dont like it dont come - thats our attitude and we stick to it, it is the dogs home too.

i guess hubby and i are lucky in that we don't worry if we make any more friends - the friends we have we've had since childhood so they know us pretty well and the friendship is a life long one now so i guess we are lucky with that although i think a couple of hubbys friends think we're made with the dogs but know better than say anything to us directly. dont get me wrong if we made new friends then great but if not no skin of my nose either.

it would be great for you guys if you could met some others who have boxers because there would be nothing to explain they would just understand as only other boxer owners could.

 

[elvis_baby]

I respect you for owning up and saying you are too selfish to have children as we are in the same boat!

I am 24 and bf is 32, he would like to children possibly in the future but I am a definate no at the moment. I enjoy my luxurys and my own time to do what I want when i want, at least I can leave Elvis for a few hours, but with a skin kid they have to go everywhere with you!

All our friend are starting families, but we do not go out as much anymore and are fine with our own company, but i do know what you mean with the whole, sorry we cant coz coz of the baby or kids!

 

[Net45582]

LOL-I've been dealing with this for many years. I decided early on that my dogs were the only kids I wanted in life. When I was married, we still socialized with friends who had children but basically did what was convenient for their situation. Now that I'm older,I have friends and family who would love to have my freedom-life that does not revolve around the schedule of others-LOL! Chancey and I tend to socialize with other animal lovers.

 

[Donna1969]

I am married with double income, 2 kids (skin) and 2 fur face babies along with two kitties. We have no problems with friends that are childless by choice or nature.

Actually our closest friends are our age (hubby and I are 38 and 37 the friends are 34 and 29) they have no children by choice and don't plan to have any but they do have 2 dogs, 2 cats and 2 ferrets. We have a blast with them. There are times when its adults only and then there are times the girls are included (usually its the other couple who say lets do something with the kids).

Maybe the friends who don't go to the BBQ because of the kids have no one to watch the kids and feel that you aren't welcoming the kids too? Are you talking of adults only activities where you'd rather not have the kids there? If thats the case, I'd say its nice of hte couple to decline due to the kids instead of accepting and bring the kids along when its an adults only party.

It gets very lonely on the flip side too Many of our friends do not have skin kids and are always off doing this and that. We can't do things at the drop of a hat so we don't go/can't go.

 

[Boxer Babies]

hey thanks to all that replied.
Its great to hear from an Aussie even if you live on the wrong side of Australia LOL.

Donna, I never have thought of what you said about it being lonely on the flip side. I guess it could be, especially when your in one of those moods where you would really love to go out have some fun, but cant because you cant get a babysitter.

We have discussed kids in depth. I went through a clock ticking stage last year where I started really thinking wether I wanted them or not. THen I started stressing out that what if I wake up when Im 45 and wish I had but its too late. I also worry that who will look after us when we are old? Now I know that is not a valid reason to have kids but I tell you its a bloody hard decision.
Then I beat myself up thinking: well if I was meant to have kids why is the decision so hard to make. Why do I anylise every little aspect of it and pull it to pieces? As my husband says: I have to have a royal commission enquiry into the whole affair.
But for now I cannot see them in our future. So I have been really trying to be a better Aunty so I can at least share the joys in some way.

having said all that, the way my babies are spoilt I cant really say Im selfish. I would (and have) done anything for my dogs. I cook for them, clean up after them, bath them, pay for their doctors visits, teach them, wash for them... hard to pick the difference.... except that I can put them outside and have some me time and I cant claim their vet bills on health insurance!

When Im 70 and getting around on a motorised scooter I will have a little trailor on the back for my dogs... unfortunately not these two.

thanks again

 

[todell80]

It gets very lonely on the flip side too Many of our friends do not have skin kids and are always off doing this and that. We can't do things at the drop of a hat so we don't go/can't go.

Boxer Babies, first off, I think it is great that you have made your decision about having kids and stuck with it. A lot of people have kids for the wrong reasons, and it is the kids who suffer for it.

I agree with Donna. I have many of the same "friend-less" problems you describe, Boxer Babies, because I do have kids. It is hard to meet people when you have kids, and to get childless couples to give you a chance. I don't get invited to things because I have kids, even though I could get a sitter if the host would prefer to make it an "adults only" event. I have a lot of friends with kids, but they are very busy with them, and its hard to make plans. My DH and I have always made a big effort to not use our kids as an excuse not to do things, though. So we get creative by hosting BBQs, so our kids can eat w/ everyone, but go to bed before we open the alcohol.

As far as people not understanding that your Boxers are your kids, I am sympathetic, as I have experienced both sides of this. I'm sure you love them just as much as you would love your own children. Before I had kids, I felt the same way about my dog. Now that I have kids, I realize w/ them, it is different. I love them just as much, but there is something more, a bond, than there ever was with my dog. There is something about it being your own flesh and blood (I'm sure adoptive parents feel the same way, but that is not where my experience is) that puts it on a new level. That is why people don't get it. I do know your Boxers are very lucky to have you.

 

[ladyluck_t]

To make it even harder, a lot of our friends just dont understand that our two Boxers ARE our children. They simply dont get it that we love them like kids.

Does anyone else have these problems? We cant be the only people in the world to face this. How did you deal with it?

Its pretty lonely sometimes...

I have problems too, I am divorced and have been for over 14yrs. I have dated occasionally, but mostly it is just me, my son, and my boxers! Which is fine but most of my friends are either single or married with kids. It is hard to hang out with single people cause they dont understand the responibilities I have at home and it is hard to hang out with married couples cause I am always the third wheel.
So I started looking for a way to help my breed, Boxers, and started volunteering with my local boxer rescue. And I found people who are just as crazy about boxers as I am (some quite a bit more ) a real community of people working together for the breed.
So perhaps you could check into a boxer rescue or even a boxer club in your area....that way you will have people who share a very big part of your life.

 

[Lola's mum]

We used to say DINKY's (Duel income no kids yet) Lol.

My cousin and husband don't want kids because they love their life the way it is, my aunt is horrified but that's their choice and good for them for being honest.
When our children were younger we had a great social life as we were lucky enough to have my parents only 5 minutes away and willing to babysit at the drop of a hat. Some of our friends stopped going out when they had children but it is something we enjoy and is nice to be Tracey & steve again instead of Josh & Minty's mum.

Maybe going out to pubs or I don't know something like a dance class if you're into that sort of thing would help you to meet fellow single couples. Do you never meet any fellow dog walkers that you could maybe get to know.