So. . . . I used to spank

[abbybox]

Abby is four months old and for the first three of those I would generally pop her on her butt whenever I caught her peeing inside the house. It seemed to work at first because the accidents happened less frequently, and I thought the "OMG don't spank your dog!" people were crazy. After all, I spank my kids and they are well behaved little men. After a while though she just seemed to hide and act scared whenever I raised my voice at all, even if I wasn't talking to her. Well I decided that physically punishing the dog wasn't really creating the ideal relationship I had invisioned and I haven't spanked the dog in a month. My question is, how long does it take to win back the "trust" of Abby to were she isn't afraid of me when she does something wrong? Any ideas about what I can do to help repair her trust in me would be appreciated.

*FOR THE MODERATORS*
Although I used to be a "spanker", I in no way advocate spanking or physical harm to pets as a training method.

I also have no desire to talk about or be lectured on spanking children on a message board about dogs.

 

[gmacleod]

I also have no desire to talk about or be lectured on spanking children on a message board about dogs.

You don't get to choose the reponses you get. If you don't want something responded to, don't post it. Otherwise, you will get the replies people choose to give you based on your post content.

As for repairing trust - that's going to take time and the damage may not ever be completely undone. The best you can do is quit yelling and start teaching instead (the teaching being based on praise and encouragement for doing the right things, rather than any form of punishment (physical or verbal) for doing the wrong things. In addition to the trust/relationship factor, it is generally a heck of a lot more effective also.

 

[ELubas]

Read the "Culture Class" by Jean Donaldson. It is the best book you will find on understanding how to relate to your dog

 

[ELubas]

Read the "Culture Class" by Jean Donaldson. It is the best book you will find on understanding how to relate to your dog

OOPS-Culture Clash

 

[totallyhip]

Wow thats a tough question. I don't have the answer. We have never spank our dogs. I was spanked as a child and think that there are much better ways to discipline than that. Culture Clash is a great book. There are others as well. I agree with G Mac. The best responses I ever get out of my dogs are when I am calm and collective. If I get upset and yell and scream it makes matters worse. It works on my DH too

 

[abbybox]

You're right, if I didn't want responses about spanking children then I shouldn't have even brought it up. Hindsight 20/20.

About Abby though, I only spanked her when I caught her in the act of urinating. I never beat her, but I am a big guy. I'm sure I'm intimidating to such a small dog no matter how light the spank was. In thinking about it, I got her at 8 weeks old and quit spanking at 3 months old, so it only lasted roughly 4 weeks. I stopped spanking because I realized I was doing it out of frustration for having to clean the carpet rather than trying to correct a behavior and because I didn't like the changes in her personality.

I also don't go around the house yelling. What I meant in the original post is that she'll hide when I'm yelling at the Spurs on the TV and such.

We really love her and have switched to only positive reenforcement. I just need someone to reassure me that I haven't permanently affected my dogs personality. I was hoping maybe someone with some experience with rescued dogs could let me know about their pets and overcoming trust issues.

 

[garvinsmum]

Glad you stopped spanking Glad you had to courage to ask for help too.
After all, spanking a puppy for peeing on the floor is not much different from spanking a toddler for doing the same. NOT an effective form of potty training, more likely to cause lifelong psychological damage than anything else.

In order to train a dog, it needs to know what you WANT it to do, not what you don't. It doesn't understand that peeing in the house is wrong, it just thinks peeing is wrong. SO if you you praise and make a big fuss over her when she goes outside, she will learn that is what you want and do it.

Regardless of whether one agrees with spanking or not, one has to agree that spanking someone or something who does not understand what they are doing is wrong is basically pointless. Dogs don't speak English or understand human habits so we can never expect them to just 'know better'. Dogs generally want to please you, so if you show them something pleases you they will usually do it again.

To regain her trust stop shouting at her. She is not afraid of you when she has done something 'wrong'. She doesn't understand what is 'right' and is just afraid of you fullstop.
Be gentle and show her what you want. Praise will get you much further than derision.

 

[gmacleod]

I'm sure I'm intimidating to such a small dog no matter how light the spank was.

Yup. And not even including spanking. A big person towering over a little dog IS extremely intimidating (i.e. you actually don't even need to raise your voice to get your point across if you're displeased). Partly that's a sheer size differential thing, but also a canine body language thing - dogs DO intimidate each other by leaning over, or placing head/leg/body parts over each other. I'm not suggesting for a moment that you start acting like a dog here - but rather that it's worth being aware of how you may be perceived (and therefore how to use - or avoid using - your size as a means of communication).

Your puppy, as you note, can be quite intimidated by you. Thus, I would suggest that you do restrict your expressions of displeasure to a deep "Uh uh" and/or a bit of hand-clapping. She'll get the point, and if you ALWAYS immediately follow that up with some constructive indications of what you would like her to do instead AND then praise her joyfully when she does the right thing (she should never be left in any doubt about what's right), then I think you'll quickly have a little dog who's rushing to try to do the "good" things - rather than hiding away in case what she did was "bad".

When you see her hide though - because you yelled at the football on TV... Do you think you could put the football aside for a minute, get down on the floor at her level, and call her over in a really happy, excited tone? She'll probably come slinking over on her belly, tail wagging (well, hopefully, anyway). You will be a heck of a lot less intimidating to her if you're down on the ground at her level, and if your tone is upbeat and excited. You could then spend a minute or two playing some game with the puppy - that lets her know that the yelling actually had nothing to do with her, you're just noisy sometimes Most importantly, it will help to teach her not to fear you just because you're making noise. With that sort of positive experience, your pup has the best chance of overcoming her fears - and you've the best chance of being able to enjoy your football in the future (even if a few games are sacrificed now) without worrying about the psyche of the dog cowering in the corner.

 

[ELubas]

I also don't go around the house yelling. What I meant in the original post is that she'll hide when I'm yelling at the Spurs on the TV and such.

We really love her and have switched to only positive reenforcement. I just need someone to reassure me that I haven't permanently affected my dogs personality. I was hoping maybe someone with some experience with rescued dogs could let me know about their pets and overcoming trust issues.

My last girl was very timid and my husband is a huge Patriots fan and woud go nuts over the games-so I made him go watch them over our son's house-because my little girl got too stressed Once I made him aware of it he went out of his way to sit on the floor with her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. I also had him feed her and walk her and he was always in possession of the very best treats. She has since gone to the bridge, sweet thing, but to the day she died my husband was the love of her life As gmacleod says it is all about trust and dogs are very, very forgiving. Good luck with your little one

 

[totallyhip]

Our boy Luke hates it when DH watches hockey. Even if DH doesn't yell at the TV he gets upset because he can sense the tension and the stress that DH is feeling. Usually Luke will come and cuddle up to me. Leia doesn't care. She loves watching hockey with daddy and loves it even more when he yells and screams at the tv!

As for gaining back the trust. Your on the right track. I think everyone here had alot of good suggestions. It will just take some time. I work with rescue dogs and some of them have come from really bad pasts. And yet they still are able to forgive and move on.