I am so touched by every one of your posts, and my tears flow, because many of you know what I am going through, and you've taken the time to offer your comfort. It has helped so much, because no one that I know, knows like you do, how special our babies are and what they mean to us.
It's been nearly 2 days since my precious boy has been gone, and I am having a very hard time. My heart has been breaking little by little for awhile now, because I knew the day would come, sooner rather than later, when I would lose him. It was just a matter of time that he would get sick more frequently, which that did happen last year, and then there would come the time when he would get very, very sick. The reality was aging and deterioration of diseased organs. But it was a shock to me when it came, because he always recovered. This time, he just didn't have the strength anymore. The scenario of this past week is vividly playing back over and over again, and it hurts so much, I can't stop crying. Being here in our home, where at every turn, and throughout the day and night, there are so many reminders of him. I can't put anything away or out of sight. I have to leave everything where it was when he was here. I have to have the pillow that he laid on when he crossed right there to hug, I have to leave his toys where they were before we took him to the hospital, I have to lay on his bed and smell him again and again, I have to talk to his picture, the snaggletooth one. I know I'm hanging on to him the only way I can now. Will I ever let go? Maybe when we bring his ashes home, I can, maybe. I just want him home with me.
Right now I am thinking of him, playing with your babies who are at the Bridge, waiting for us. How he loved to run, how he loved to play!