Orson Has Died

[jeffisonline]

adjusting

My mom came into my room today and told me she would be home by the time I had to leave for work.
We have a system since I am a bartender I leave at 7:30 pm, and get home at 3 am, and she leaves for work around noon, and get's home by 7 pm.
We had a great system because there was always someone home with Orson for the past 2 months, 24/7...never even 5 minutes he was alone, and today my mom called and said she was going to be late...around 8 pm, and than realised she didn't have to be home before I left for work anymore, and she apologised for upsetting me.
I understand, and I am greatful she was so concerned.
My step father did the same thing just now, he explained he was going to do some things and he would be back before I left for work...than he realized, and apologised.

Funny how it's not getting through to any of us yet.
Just thought I would share.
It's almost been 24 hours, well it's 23 hours right now, and I feel worse now than I did yesterday...I guess somewhere I exspect to go pick him up from the hospital or something.
I really wish I could because this is really ripping me apart.

2 weeks ago we went to the Oncologist 4 days in a row, and last week we went twice...It's really hard to be pursuing something constantly, and trying so hard, for the end to come and go.
I don't really regrett anything, I am angry that I lost, but I have no regretts.

I do feel a huge void, and last night my mom took me to see a boxer puppy where she works, and although he was an interesting little person, I didn't see him as a part of my life.
I'm not ready for any of that, and it feels like I am cheating or something.
I won't be able to find Orson again, and I need to get to a point where I won't be putting too many exspectation on a new puppy before I get one.

Thanks for reading, and I am so greatful to all of you for everything.
Bless you all.



Jeff

 

[adeinert]

I am so sorry for your loss.
I know he will always hold a huge part of your heart and it is so painful when they leave.

Ashlie
owned by the rescued boxertrio
and always my angels at the bridge: Jagger and Gabby

 

[clara's parents]

Oh Jeff!

I just saw this post. I have been following Orson's illness since you first posted about it. I am so sorry!

Your tribute has moved me beyond words. You did everything you could for him and I'm sure he knew that. You are an awesome daddy and Orson was so lucky to have you.

Just know that he is no longer in any pain and he is playing with all of his other BW buddies at the bridge, and watching over his daddy.

Jessica & Clara

 

[bigears]

You are right to take things slowly in regards to other puppies, or dogs. Just as you knew with Orson, you will know when the time is right for that decision. It will be difficult to keep track of the fact that things have changed so drastically. My mother's lab went to the bridge in May, and still I catch myself feeling surprised when I go to her house and see a different dog. Just as Orson was to you, he was her pride and joy and the void is still very much felt.
I hope that having to work is a good distraction for you. I was a bartender for a long time, too, and I know that sometimes it was really hard to be "on stage" when life was particularly sh***y. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

Allison

 

[jeffisonline]

allison

Yes, being "on stage" isn't the place I can be right now.
I've decided to take off tonight, and go in tomorrow.
I'm blessed because I work in a huge club, and I have a ton of regulars, but on days when I am upset or sick, being surrounded by people for 5 hours, and entertaining them all is overwhelming.
I don't want to be a popular bartender tonight...I want to be alone, and quiet since I am not well yet.

Jeff

 

[Layla's Mom]

Jeff,

We are still thinking of you and just wanted to let you know that I am glad writing about Orson helps. We do understand. I also understand your statement about the puppy. I have always been a dog lover and when I lost my childhood dog I was devastated. Once I got married I always talked about getting a dog but never did. I just kept putting it off whenever my husband brought up the subject. The real reason was that I knew that one day I would have to say good-bye to someone I would love so much. Well last year my husband surprised me with Layla and he understood why I had prolonged getting a dog but also made me realize that we would give her the absoulte best life possible, something another person may not do. I am so glad that you were "owned" by Orson and gave him the absolute best life possible. The saying someone mentioned "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" helped bring a special love back into my life. I hope it will do the same for you when you are ready.

You will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers and we are always here to "listen"

Taryn and Layla

 

[DixieDiana]

Jeff,
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious boy.
I was crying so much reading your post that I had to leave the computer and go wrap my arms around Dixie and tell her how much I love her before I could even gain enough composure to write this.
Orson was so blessed to have such a wonderful dad. You went above and beyond to do everything you could to save Orson.
You are awesome!
God bless you Jeff
and
Godspeed Orson

Jeanne

 

[AZ Boxer Boys]

Jeff,
I just read this post and my heart is breaking. I too have been following your posts for some time now - I was so hoping he would pull through and be with you for a while longer.

I just cannot imagine what you are going through. I've not had to experience it yet, both of ours are very young.

Godspeed Orson
Cindy

 

[safebuster]

God Speed Orson ... Peace ...

 

[boxrfan]

Jeff,

I've read all of your posts and I can assure you, as all of the wonderful people here at Boxerworld have done, you did everything you could do to keep Orson here with you. It's one of the great ironies of life - to love and to lose. You were blessed with a love that cannot be replaced, but you can love again. I know things are difficult for you now, and probably the best thing you can do is talk about all of your feelings. Acknowledging how you feel is one of the most important things you can do.

Orson loved you back. You can tell by your stories. He didn't want to see you hurt anymore and he knew it was time to go. You did everything you could. You will never forget him.

Keep your chin up and know all of us here are praying for you.

J-