Silverstar
Super Boxer
Hey all. It's been a long time since I've been here. But, I need you. I feel the need to keep talking and keep telling myself, It'll be ok. Ya know? And I apologize for the length in advance.
So, let me tell you the story.
I have been alone (without a relationship) for nearly 10 years. Yes, I said it. 10 years. Well..several months ago, I met someone, the one I was waiting for. And it started off fabulously. We (even now) can and do talk about everything and anything. We have many of the same interests and we absolutly enjoy each others company. He has been married before for 15 years. They have been divorced for about a year. Then he met somone else and they broke it off. Then he met me. We went two weeks into the relationship and everything seemed to be going well..till (you had to know there was a till), the (and I don't use this word lightly) psycho ex girlfriend found out that he had moved on.
Backgroud info on her: She is a mother of 5 (but she says 4 because her eldest ran away and she doesn't claim her). They are from 3 different dads, etc.
Now, they were together for about 7 months and during that time, his feelings for her had grown to love. Then she cheated on him with a married man. They called it quits. She moved out (because she had moved in) and didn't look back.
A month later he met me. The feelings there (and I hate to sound all crazy but) were intense. It was like we had known each other forever. Basically, it was finding your soul mate, if that makes sense. We clicked and had a blast together. We (because we both wanted it) spent alot of time together. And things progressed fairly rapidly. Feelings grew to love quickly. And even though we tried to control these feelings (because we both knew it was too soon) it happened. And once it was said, it was like we were free to be ourselves.
Now, this woman finds out 2 weeks into the relationship and all of a sudden our world gets turned upside down. She is telling him all the things he wanted to hear when she left. And it confused him. She brought up all the "good" times in the beginning. She even proposed to him. What it boils down to, is she was loosing her security. She used the kids to manipulate his feelings, she thought she could go off and have her fun then return and he would take her back. Well....she almost suceeded.
This man, has been taken advantaged of by this woman. Used him for financial security. And the time that they were together, was not that long, but he did feel love for her. Even after all she's done to him. And it's been hard for him to sort out the lies and the truth. But in the end, he knows that he can't trust her, he doesn't care for her lifestyle or how she treats her kids. Basically, no matter how she sugar coats it, it could never work again.
Now, with us. He cheated on me, with her. Not physically but emotionally (according to him). And he is really taking that hard. His thought process is no matter what a committed relationship is just that, committed and there should not even be emotions for anyone else. (This was agreed). Because she (bringing up the "good" in the past) confused him and made him question his heart. She has threated to do me harm, though she doesn't know my name, address, phone number, etc. So there is nothing she can do to me....unless I'm there at his house. Yes, I have been spending alot of time there (mainly weekends). That was something he and I fell into purely because of how comfortable we feel.
And we questioned whether or not it was moving fast..over and over. We had mixed emotions of .... well if feels right then who are we to slow it-to-Gee it really is moving fast how do we slow down.
So, we have slowed down as of yesterday. It was discussed that our relationship had to be measured to understand where we are at. From 1 to 5. Now we started at 1 and we quickly (matter of weeks) felt our relationship was at a 4.5 nearing 5, he could have very easily asked me to marry him, and I would have very easily said yes. And this scared him, especially after his previous relationships. So, we decided to slow it down, take it back to a 1.5, 1.75 or 2. He still wants to see me, spend time with me, talk to me, just without the "committment". Because he does have issues to sort through, emotionally. He does have a psycho ex that he doesn't want to have around in any form or fashion. He wants to make sure that what we have is real (I guess), because of how quickly it developed. He said the emotion is still there, he does love me, but he needs time to get things straight. He also mentioned that there were times he wondered if we were just becoming good friends because of how well we got along (yeah..that scared me). But he quickly followed with, he knows that's not it because he does love me more than a friend. So there's an issue.
Sorry so long.....
Now, here I am. Not confused or anything (a little hurt), I understand completely why he needs this time; because he really has not been alone since his divorce, and he should have, he really should have. And although, I know we are still going to talk, see each other, just not as much. It just doesn't make it any easier, because of what I have become acustomed to. He said he doesn't forsee us in the stage 2 for very long and quickly moving into stage 3 (committed). Just enough time for him to finalize the "other" situation really. We did became great friends too, best friends I think. He said he had never felt what he does for me with anyone (including his ex wife of 15 years). This should comfort me, but I think it scares him to think of getting hurt again by someone who is that close to the type of relationship he had with his ex wife and even beyond the type of relationship he had with his ex.
So even though it's not "over" by any means, why do I feel like I lost something?
So, let me tell you the story.
I have been alone (without a relationship) for nearly 10 years. Yes, I said it. 10 years. Well..several months ago, I met someone, the one I was waiting for. And it started off fabulously. We (even now) can and do talk about everything and anything. We have many of the same interests and we absolutly enjoy each others company. He has been married before for 15 years. They have been divorced for about a year. Then he met somone else and they broke it off. Then he met me. We went two weeks into the relationship and everything seemed to be going well..till (you had to know there was a till), the (and I don't use this word lightly) psycho ex girlfriend found out that he had moved on.
Backgroud info on her: She is a mother of 5 (but she says 4 because her eldest ran away and she doesn't claim her). They are from 3 different dads, etc.
Now, they were together for about 7 months and during that time, his feelings for her had grown to love. Then she cheated on him with a married man. They called it quits. She moved out (because she had moved in) and didn't look back.
A month later he met me. The feelings there (and I hate to sound all crazy but) were intense. It was like we had known each other forever. Basically, it was finding your soul mate, if that makes sense. We clicked and had a blast together. We (because we both wanted it) spent alot of time together. And things progressed fairly rapidly. Feelings grew to love quickly. And even though we tried to control these feelings (because we both knew it was too soon) it happened. And once it was said, it was like we were free to be ourselves.
Now, this woman finds out 2 weeks into the relationship and all of a sudden our world gets turned upside down. She is telling him all the things he wanted to hear when she left. And it confused him. She brought up all the "good" times in the beginning. She even proposed to him. What it boils down to, is she was loosing her security. She used the kids to manipulate his feelings, she thought she could go off and have her fun then return and he would take her back. Well....she almost suceeded.
This man, has been taken advantaged of by this woman. Used him for financial security. And the time that they were together, was not that long, but he did feel love for her. Even after all she's done to him. And it's been hard for him to sort out the lies and the truth. But in the end, he knows that he can't trust her, he doesn't care for her lifestyle or how she treats her kids. Basically, no matter how she sugar coats it, it could never work again.
Now, with us. He cheated on me, with her. Not physically but emotionally (according to him). And he is really taking that hard. His thought process is no matter what a committed relationship is just that, committed and there should not even be emotions for anyone else. (This was agreed). Because she (bringing up the "good" in the past) confused him and made him question his heart. She has threated to do me harm, though she doesn't know my name, address, phone number, etc. So there is nothing she can do to me....unless I'm there at his house. Yes, I have been spending alot of time there (mainly weekends). That was something he and I fell into purely because of how comfortable we feel.
And we questioned whether or not it was moving fast..over and over. We had mixed emotions of .... well if feels right then who are we to slow it-to-Gee it really is moving fast how do we slow down.
So, we have slowed down as of yesterday. It was discussed that our relationship had to be measured to understand where we are at. From 1 to 5. Now we started at 1 and we quickly (matter of weeks) felt our relationship was at a 4.5 nearing 5, he could have very easily asked me to marry him, and I would have very easily said yes. And this scared him, especially after his previous relationships. So, we decided to slow it down, take it back to a 1.5, 1.75 or 2. He still wants to see me, spend time with me, talk to me, just without the "committment". Because he does have issues to sort through, emotionally. He does have a psycho ex that he doesn't want to have around in any form or fashion. He wants to make sure that what we have is real (I guess), because of how quickly it developed. He said the emotion is still there, he does love me, but he needs time to get things straight. He also mentioned that there were times he wondered if we were just becoming good friends because of how well we got along (yeah..that scared me). But he quickly followed with, he knows that's not it because he does love me more than a friend. So there's an issue.
Sorry so long.....
Now, here I am. Not confused or anything (a little hurt), I understand completely why he needs this time; because he really has not been alone since his divorce, and he should have, he really should have. And although, I know we are still going to talk, see each other, just not as much. It just doesn't make it any easier, because of what I have become acustomed to. He said he doesn't forsee us in the stage 2 for very long and quickly moving into stage 3 (committed). Just enough time for him to finalize the "other" situation really. We did became great friends too, best friends I think. He said he had never felt what he does for me with anyone (including his ex wife of 15 years). This should comfort me, but I think it scares him to think of getting hurt again by someone who is that close to the type of relationship he had with his ex wife and even beyond the type of relationship he had with his ex.
So even though it's not "over" by any means, why do I feel like I lost something?
