Dogs Living In A Pig Hole

[TracyLynn]

Like I referred to in my previous post, I teach high school students who often live in similar conditions to that you described. Being a mandated reporter, I have been involved in numerous situations in which children have been removed from their homes, and often it has been at the response of my initial call. It is a very serious situation that should not be taken lightly at all. Generally, the situation does not work out nearly as easily as luvfritz describes. It is heart breaking to both parents and children. Once DEFACS or any other organization of the like is involved with a family, the stigma attached is enormous. The social worker may contact employers, family members, teachers, etc. to gather information. I do agree, as obvious from my previous post, that the situation described is despicable. However, calling a service organization and reporting a family should not be done unless the respondent feels that the children could be in serious danger. I did not read that Sharron left the home immediately because she felt like she was in danger, in fact she said that the people were the "nicest people you would ever want to meet."
Many children removed from homes are placed in shelters. These children are moved from shelter to shelter, and they rarely have any stability. It is a horrible situation for a family to have to go through. If you place a call, you should not do so until you have given the situation a lot of thought. Even if the home is found to be loving and suitable, then the family will always have that dark cloud over their head. Do not call based on the quick judgments of people who are not near the situation. Are the kids happy? Are they healthy? Do they have kind, loving parents? Think about the big picture... What does more harm - food wrappers and dirty dishes or your family being subjected to humiliation and turmoil? Make your judgment based on the whole picture, not just one aspect. Some of the best families I have worked with, and I mean loving parents who want the best for their kids, have lived in conditions I would consider filthy. Lastly, those kids I just mentioned were far better off in those messy homes, than in many of the horrible shelters I have work with.

Think seriously about the decision you make, and try not to let the *OMG, please call someone* responses make you feel as if any good person would call. Maybe you should, maybe not, I have no idea.

What a difficult situation for you to be in. I am sorry you are faced with it.

 

[Andi20]

Well said TracyLynn. I’ve only seen one case first hand where social services was called in (2 year old told a friend’s mother she sleeps in her dad’s bed by choice), the mother then *called someone*, she was taken to a foster home, asked all sorts of questions, her head was filled with sick things and she was never the same after.
I also work with a person who is a “foster parent”. Evidently they don’t screen them very well or just don’t care because he has an extensive criminal record and although he is a nice person, probably shouldn’t be fostering children.

 

[buddy'smom]

I also work with a person who is a “foster parent”. Evidently they don’t screen them very well or just don’t care because he has an extensive criminal record and although he is a nice person, probably shouldn’t be fostering children.

I differ with your opinion on the fact that they don't screen fosters very well. If your friend indeed has a criminal record, and extensive as you say, I have NO idea how he made it through the screening process.

When we applied for the priviledge to foster, myself, my husband and my son were screened through a police check both criminal and a plain old report check. We were also checked against the child abuse list. Then the interview process began, we were interviewed together, then separatly. Our families were interviewed as were our friends and even our clergy was contacted. We then embarked on a 15 week training course and were mandated after that to attend monthly meetings. So how he did it I have zero ideas but to say foster parents are not screened well kind of hits a "foster parent" the wrong way. It takes a lot to be given the priviledge to foster, and I am speaking of the Ontario Canada foster screening.

Jean

 

[Andi20]

Originally posted by buddy'smom
I differ with your opinion on the fact that they don't screen fosters very well. If your friend indeed has a criminal record, and extensive as you say, I have NO idea how he made it through the screening process.

When we applied for the priviledge to foster, myself, my husband and my son were screened through a police check both criminal and a plain old report check. We were also checked against the child abuse list. Then the interview process began, we were interviewed together, then separatly. Our families were interviewed as were our friends and even our clergy was contacted. We then embarked on a 15 week training course and were mandated after that to attend monthly meetings. So how he did it I have zero ideas but to say foster parents are not screened well kind of hits a "foster parent" the wrong way. It takes a lot to be given the priviledge to foster, and I am speaking of the Ontario Canada foster screening.

Jean

I’m sure there are many great foster parents in Ontario that genuinely care for their foster children; I have only met two couples here that foster but both are poor examples and therefore ruined my impression of the foster system.
From what I understand there is some kind of compensation involved? If this were true, it would explain a lot.
What I said wasn’t meant as a personal attack on all foster parents, I was just pointing out the fact that the system isn’t as perfect as people would hope that it is.

 

[buddy'smom]

From what I understand there is some kind of compensation involved? If this were true, it would explain a lot.

LOLOL if only that were true. Yes board is paid but a few years ago when I did it, it was minimal. My fosters as do most, cost me out of my own pocket for clothing, haircuts, going to movies, joining clubs etc. but I don't resent spending one cent on them. I know many many foster parents that still foster and none of them are in the pocket with $$$ for being foster parents. It would show very very quickly if the board moneys were not being spent on the child. My fosters were treated as equal members of the family, as are the foster children of my friends who are still fostering. The only reason we got out of fostering was 1. due to a move and 2. our son was on his way to college and it meant I needed to work more hours out of the home.

Jean

 

[Andi20]

Originally posted by buddy'smom
LOLOL if only that were true. Yes board is paid but a few years ago when I did it, it was minimal. My fosters as do most, cost me out of my own pocket for clothing, haircuts, going to movies, joining clubs etc. but I don't resent spending one cent on them. I know many many foster parents that still foster and none of them are in the pocket with $$$ for being foster parents. It would show very very quickly if the board moneys were not being spent on the child. My fosters were treated as equal members of the family, as are the foster children of my friends who are still fostering. The only reason we got out of fostering was 1. due to a move and 2. our son was on his way to college and it meant I needed to work more hours out of the home.

Jean

That’s exactly how I think foster families should be. Until now, I thought that was just my naïve little hippie dreamland :rolleyes:
But look at reputable breeders vs. BYBs; a good breeder laughs and says after all the *luxuries* like quality food, medical care, toys, socialization, showing, etc., the litter ends up costing them money out of their pockets. While a BYB laughs and says, “vet checks and toys be damned, there’s a profit to be had!”
To some people the money in fostering or breeding is pocket change, but to others if done in large enough quantities, becomes an occupation.

 

[lillibirdy]

Other than the obvious required criminal checks ect...counties vary a lot in the screening process. Much depends on money and manpower, and how short they are of places to put kids. I was president of a Foster Parent assoc. in a small county in CA, and am familiar with some in OR where I am now. While most are wonderful caring people, there are definately "some" folks who should not be foster parents. I saw kids given to people who where worse than the people they took them from. I had to fight for training money from the county board of supervisors, but that training was never required, other than a couple hours in the begining to familiarize people.

I had a couple of friends who grew up in serious pig stys, with nice people, and they turned out pretty happy and well adjusted. IMHO, the system is NOT a better place for kids to be if the only issue is filth. As disgusting as it is. If they are loved, and treated well, that is the primary concern.

 

[xenaprincess]

Well...everyone seems to have their own opinion on this matter, and it has certainly stirred the pot a little regarding what the right thing to do would be. This matter has seriously weighed on my hubby's mind all weekend, so we decided, after a few days had gone by, that we would visit them again. Sadly, this time, the mess was even worse than what we saw the first time. Even more garbage had found it's way to the floors and furniture, mixed with ALOT of dirty laundry! The last time we were there, we did not see the kids, we were told about them. This time we saw the kids. They were all in diapers, the oldest being about 3. They only wore diapers and were all lined up in front of the TV, 2 with soothers in their mouths and 1 was drinking a bottle of milk. Their diapers were wet and soiled, the 3 yr olds diaper was almost around her knees!! Their Mom opened the door to us and invited us in as she proceeded to flop on her belly on the couch, saying "excuse the mess...it was a late night last night"!! We explained that we were just going for a walk with Xena and our 2 youngest kids and thought maybe they would like to join us, with their kids and dogs. She thought we were crazy to think that she would venture out the door with 3 kids and 3 dogs!! We have never, nor never will, sit in their home on their furniture, or accept any offers to have a drink. I don't know how they can eat in there! Anyway, we left and hubby was even more torn, as was I, especially after seeing the kids. Hubby wanted to go to the store and buy them some cookies, bread, milk, eggs etc!! We are concerned that the kids are not eating well, along with not being kept clean. There was also dog and cat feces in the kitchen!! The house has a very strong distinct odor of cat-spray!!
I do not understand what the problems of the parents are except to say that right now, they are unfit to raise these kids and all the animals as well. These are shabby, poor and unhealthy living conditions. Although they may love their kids and animals and I am sure vice-versa, there is something seriously wrong for them to allow this kind of living conditions. Neither myself nor my hubby has ever seen anything like this except on TV, or in the news! Now, we feel even more obligated to call the authorities and get these people some help. This was a difficult decision at first, but seeing the children last night has made it very clear to us that these "little people" do not have a voice....someone needs to be their voice. I am sure that they will receive proper and fair help. Nowadays, CAS is not in such a hurry to rip kids from homes and break up families. They are there to work with parents and educate them on the basic fundamentals of raising happy healthy children. These people need help! We are making the call to the proper authorities today. We have wrestled with this decision because of the fact that they are really nice people and hubby happens to work with this guy (same company, different department), and being that we have only visited their home just recently, we thought that they would know for sure it was us who called on them. This is a small town, and this guy has alot of shaddy characters for friends. We have 3 kids of our own and it worries me big time of the repercussions this call could have. It worries me more of what will happen to those kids if we turn the other cheek!!
Somebody please tell me we are doing the right thing.....this is a tough situation.:( :(

Sharon

 

[cashisking]

Sharon,

You are doing the right thing, and hugs to you and your husband for making an obviously difficult decision. Hopefully this will be the wake up call they need.

Jenn

 

[SammynDqtz]

Originally posted by xenaprincess
We are concerned that the kids are not eating well, along with not being kept clean. There was also dog and cat feces in the kitchen!! The house has a very strong distinct odor of cat-spray!!

Somebody please tell me we are doing the right thing.....this is a tough situation.:( :(

Sharon

That is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! They could get very sick from being in those nasty living conditions! You are doing the right thing... those people certainly have some problems.:eek: