could use your thoughts...(long)

[Evie&Adam]

Some background: I am the oldest of 6 kids with the youngest now 16 yo. All of the kids have left home BEFORE their 17th birthday. The reason is that my mother (no father at home) begins to treats us very poorly, will not give any financial support (no clothes, no lunch money, etc) after you turn 16 years. We were all forced to get jobs at 16 to feed and clothe ourselves. At home the treatment is very poor, mom always yells, puts you down, wont trust you- often with no cause to do so. She has done this to all of us :(

Now: I am very glad my sister has somewhere to go - my house. (i had nowhere to turn for help.) She pretty much lives with me from Friday to Sunday, eats dinner at my house most every nite, she even does chores to help out, helps with kids and dogs, runs errands for me. Because of this, DH & I got her a car. I even help her with her homework. Mom has insured her car, but I have been giving my sister money for the insurance payments and money for fuel.

The problem: My sister has considered leaving home many times - now she has asked that I help her make our arrangement permanent. Now, she is a Junior in High School, gets good grades, is on the drill team, even has awsome friends (better yet, that DH likes!!) Her friends have told me that she is a different person when living at home versus when she lives at my house. Now, I am all for having her live with me, we can support her and insure the car, but we have one issue I dont know how to resolve without starting a war with my family.

Medical Insurance: My sister has severe asthma. If she leaves home, my mom will surely remove her from the health insurance :( I can't put her on my health policy unless (1) mom signes guardianship to me or (2) we take mom to court to get guardianship.

My sister & I are taking mom to breakfast on sunday and plan on bringing up the subject of guardianship. Any thoughts or ways to talk about this touchy subject without a war starting??

Thanks so much for listening!!

 

[BoxerDudz811]

Hi Jenny! I'm so sorry that you and your family have had to go through this. Thankfully you are going to be there for your sister. I would just explain to your mom that you do almost everything for your sister and since she is over 16 your mom has basically given her up, a 16 year old is not an adult. At this point you are basically her caretaker and provider...why should your mother have guardianship? I wish you the best of luck...let us know how it goes!

 

[Melissa18]

How old do you have to be to get emancipated from your parents? Is she old enough to do that and would that be an option?

I wish you luck with everything and commend you for all you are doing for your sister!

 

[Maniago]

How old do you have to be to get emancipated from your parents?

If she were emancipated, she would then be responsible for her own medical insurance. As a mother of a child with a diabetes, I would do anything to make sure she has medical coverage as long as possible. Maybe your mother will see the things clearly and do the right thing.

 

[Evie&Adam]

Thanks all! we are just hoping that mom will see the "light" and finally do the right thing (for once in her life). I am worried that by bringing this topic up, my mom will simply say "fine" and throw my sister out of the house! After that, she WILL drop the car insurance and health insurance. This is how unreasonable my mom really is. I really worry about my sister's meds tho. If my mom will allow us to take guardianship, then i can just place her on our health policy. If she's emancipated, she's on her own :( We can handle all her other needs, just not insurance without her approval or a court action. Tough spot huh?

 

[kelseighgirl]

I have no advise, I just wanna say hats off to you Jenny!!!
I think that is great that you are willing to step up and help your sister out with such a responsible role as "guardian"
You are a good sister!!!

 

[BXR BUS]

I understand your situation....I am in the same kind of one myself.....
I have an OLDER brother who is 37 that lives with me and that I "care for" as he has a mental illness.
He has always lived with my parents and my mom has always taken care of him etc....my dad and her always fought over it too and it got ugly. When my brother who got into some trouble with drinking was sentenced to an inpatient alcohol treatment program for a min of 6 months graduated from that program, he asked to stay with me for "awhile" so he could continue in his outpatient role and responsibilities (my parents live 3 hrs away from me) well here we are a YEAR later.....and I have had NO help what-so-ever from anybody!! including my parents!!! for food, living expense etc... I got laid off from work a few months ago and I CAN NOT take care of him anymore with out help. Because he is not "my" child I can not get any kind of assistance for him. He is incapable of doing any of this kind of stuff on his own and my mom does not want the bother of helping me to try either!! My parents do not want him back with them because it causes SO many problems for them and the tension is just horrible!! But if I kick him out and anything happens to him it will be my fault so all of this is on my shoulders!! I swear at times I wish I could put a leash on him and leave him at the welfare ofc or something. But there is no place to surrender him. I have talked to my mom about this but nothing is getting done!! and my dad could care less.
I feel like the only way to get out from under him and the responsibility of him is to up and move and leave no forwarding address or talk to them until they figure something else out. I just dont think he is MY responibility anymore and I am also tired of it too, I am young & single!! and I will end up with him when my parents are no longer around so.....
Sorry for ranting on and on but I have no clue what to do either so I guess I will say good luck with your mom and I hope she just does the right thing for you and your sister, but in the case she does not because your sister is under age you should be able to get state health coverage for her:D worth checking into.

 

[frankied]

Good luck with talking to your Mom. Your sister sounds like a great kid and she is lucky to have you I hope it works out for all involved as I know what it is like to be in your sister's position :(

 

[xenaprincess]

Hi there! First I have to say that I think you are the greatest big sister one could ever have! You are truly an angel to your sister!
I agree with Maniago with respect to a mother wanting to provide the best in health care to a child, and maybe, hopefully, your mother will see it that way too! I see no reason why she could not at least help out in that way! Your sister sounds like a great kid with a great future...and I truly believe she owes alot of that to you. If for some sad reason your mom decides to not help out and in fact ends up bitter towards you for wanting guardianship, then there must be another way in your state to get her coverage? It would be worth checking out. Bless you and your big wonderful heart! I will be keeping you and your sister in my thoughts and prayers! Good luck!

 

[lexintitus]

My advice would be to present it to your mom in a manner that would be beneficial to her. What I mean by that is I would say something along the lines of:

" I know you think my sister is at a age where she should be taking care of herself and she's doing all she can...but she's in school right now. She really needs to focus on her grades so she can go to college, get a good job... (and all that jazz). Mom, I know you're not overflowing with money yourself so I thought, what can I do to be a good daughter? Well, I'm willing to help out some by possibly having my sister move in with me, to help relieve the financial burden on you...such as clothes, food, other living expenses, etc. If you could leave her on your health insurance, I'd be willing to take care of the rest.

OR If you'd be willing to sign over guardianship to me, I can take care of the health insurance, and you'd just have the car insurance. That way it wouldn't be such a financial burden on you, mom."

That way, it comes across as trying to help out your mom and maybe she won't get so defensive and drop everything. Anyway, that's just my suggestion. Whatever you decide to do, I hope everything works out for the best. Keep us posted.