Antidepressant Hell

[Lael]

(((Hugs))) from us too.

Firstly, it's going to be alright. It's a large load to bear right now, but it sounds to me like your BF is a huge support - and that's not easy to come by!

The depression that I have has gone on for a year untreated because I know I put EVERYONE before myself, and after all the chaos last year no one stopped to ask me if I was ok, which I wasnt

Do you mind if I make some suggestions that helped me get over depression w/o drugs?

1. Regular Exercise. I began doing yoga poses for a minimum of 3x/week. Not only did this help me lose weight (which, let's face it, lifts depression itself), but it also gave me some time in the day to stop, breathe, re-center, and forget about the day behind me. I've increased flexibility & strength over the last 10 months. With yoga, there's no stressfulness to the exercise, just calming and strengthening your body and your mind.
2. Regular Sleep Schedule. I go to bed at 10:30pm now, and NO LATER. My hubby knows that I will do anything for him if I'm not at yoga, but as soon as that clock hits 10:25 ... I'm on MY time. I cannot take care of my family and myself if I'm not getting enough sleep. A regular schedule also regulates your circadian rhythms, which helps your body balance your hormones and allows your body to properly & efficiently restore itself during sleep.
3. 10min. Minimum of Sunlight Per Day. Vitamin D is actually categorized as a hormone, and your skin produces it only when exposed to sunlight (UV light). I will spend AT LEAST 10 minutes outside (no sunglasses - light needs to enter your pupils as well) every day. It doesn't matter if it's cloudy, you still get the sunlight. You can't believe how much of a difference this makes.
4. Taking a Daily Multi-Vitamin. Seems simple, but when I started to take them religiously, my body had the resources to heal itself and provide the energy I needed to face the emotional challenges ahead of me.

Now, I did not make all of these changes at the same time - I started with the yoga, then a few months later I began force myself to go to bed on time (even if the dishes are still there to be done - they can get done the next day). Then this summer I started the daylight thing and finally the vitamins this fall. Not only am I no longer depressed, but 1.5 years later I am happier than I've ever been, and able to support my husband as he works toward his History PhD.

This is just my experience, but I will swear by it. And I know how you feel!! It's horrible to be there, but know that it will pass. And if you're able to start taking small baby steps toward taking care of yourself, your body & soul & spirit will THANK YOU in long run!

Take Care Colly. We're here for you.

Cat

PS: I might add that if you do plan to discontinue taking Wellbutrin, consult with your doctor about the best way/timing to come off.

 

[Cami]

Been there done that! Depression is real, as other's have mentioned it is a chemical imbalance.

This is how it was explained to me in layman's terms.....makes sense now once all of the fancy doctor words are omitted.

Our bodies are equipped to handle stress. When stressfull situations are introduced to the mind certain chemicals are released from the brain and they help our bodies deal with the normal everyday stress of life. Occasionally we might get overloaded and start sufferring from stomach problems, migraines, mood swings etc.....

Eventually we either get used to the increased stress level and compensate, (massages, chiro, advil, etc....) OR we start declining further. Lack of sleep, too much sleep, bouts of crying, feelings of helplessness.

In certain situations the daily stresses get too much, one thing happens that you would normally be able to handle and then other things start happening as well. Just look at all the things that you went through. Too much stress, not enough chemicals. Your body can't possibly manufacter and release all of the stress fighting chemicals that it needs to compensate and suddenly we are depressed. We are depressed that we are depressed....vicious cycle.

Anti-depressants are these chemicals in synthetic form. They do help to "right" our own natural levels. Once the meds get you "righted" then oftentimes they are no longer needed. That is only if you have been successful in alleviating some of the major stresses of your life. There are all sorts of relaxation techniques, but seeking out help in a pill form is not the end of the world. It is not a quick fix as you are finding out. There are many to chose from. Doctors usually will prescribe 3 different ones before hitting on something that works and then you will have to deal with the adjusting of amounts. The side-effects of some can be horrible. When I was taking Zoloft, I loved it.....but I hated the weight gain that it caused me. But then again, being that I was happier and in a better place I knew I was gaining but thought "What the hell", I felt better with myself.

In one year I had numerous minor surgeries to remove pre cancerous moles. I had surgery on my foot. I broke my elbow, lost my job, my dad had quadruple by-pass surgery and I finally found out after 8 months of bleeding that I had fibroids and had surgery to remove them. I also lost my 12 year old cat to lymphosarcoma, and found out that the other had chronic renal failure. I was definatly overloaded with stress. Anyone of these things would be bad enough but could have been handled. But you start adding them up on top of each other and you have stress overload.

Talk to your doctor about replacing the wellbutrin, not stopping it abruptly. I always halved the initial doseage because I have a chemical sensitivity. And worked my way up slower than was suggested by my dr. This helped me with side effects. We are all pulling for you and know that you can beat this!!

Good-Luck

 

[momstaxi]

I agree with moqueen and Lael that there are other things that can help besides meds. Some great advice was given. That being said often times meds are still needed. You should discuss all options with your doctor
Michele

 

[Laurie_Duke]

I cannot say I have depression, but I do suffer from panic attacks....I have been on Paxil for about 2 years now...I just recently switched over to Celexia due to the weight gain from paxil....well every side effect posible I got....what I am getting at is....find the right drug or treatment and things will get better....for me....I would rather be overweight from paxil then have to deal with side effect !!!

 

[Poetic_thing]

I'm so sorry to hear about all that is going on. I just wanted to tell you about Effexor, I was on it quite some time ago and found it was incredible for me. My husband has been on it for the past 2 years or so and is doing great on it. He has not had a problem with weight gain nor sex drive. You are in my thoughts, take care and remember it will all get better with time.

 

[KELLY W]

You have to find what's right for you. I am on Zoloft for depression and panic attacks and it has worked wonders for me. I had just a few side effects at first like sleepyness, but nothing major. My sex drive has been affected a bit, but that could also just be the usual marriage thing you know? It never made me gain weight either. I would suggest you get off of what you are on right now because it is only making things worse. If you dont feel like yourself, then it is not working.

 

[TYS0NSM0MMA]

Update

The night I wrote my first post I really realized that I needed to get off these pills, everytime I would close my eyes I was having flashes of horrible images in my head (not at all myself) I was shaking and absolutely terrified all night. Chris stayed up with me all night and held me and kept telling me that he wasn't going to let anything happen to me. I have never been so terrified in my life, I felt like something was attacking me. (side note: my house is haunted by 2 ghosts a man in his 20's and a small girl, I have actually seen the man and so has my BF, I was not on meds when I saw him either! I have never had any negative feelings from either ghost but that night I felt like I was being attacked spiritually, Chris kept saying that he figures that if ghosts spend that much energy letting themselves be seen why would they want to hurt me, if anything he figures that they would want to help me.)

Well I went off Wellbutrin cold turkey, I was only on it for a few weeks (about 3), within days I was feeling better, and the day I decided to stop taking it I already felt like I made the right decision, I sold my old truck and that freed up some money, so I can pay off my bills and I also used some of it for me. It had been over 2 years since I went to get a hair cut, and a year since I had my eyebrows waxed. So I took myself to the mall and bought a new pair of pants, new undies and a new bra, and a new shirt. I then went to a really nice salon and spa and got my brows waxed and had my hair cut. then I bought myself some really expensive styling products and a new blowdryer. I feel better that I finally did something for me. I honestly needed it. I don't normally like shopping because I get depressed that my pant size has gone up 5 sizes but I accepted that I will continue to feel crappy if I look at myself everyday and have stringy hair and clothes that dont fit properly, and a unibrow! I also booked a facial for myself a few days before I go out west to go to court. I also think I need that. So I am starting to do things for myself. I went to the eye doctor and my prescription has changed for my glasses and I want new frames but its expensive and I have nice frames already that cost $450 5 years ago. I guess that paritally explains the headaches I was getting, I have gone from wearing my glasses only at night to now I need them all the time. They still suit me so I am getting the lenses changed and maybe once I start working again I will endulge in some new glasses. For now being able to see is enough. I feel better and I have a doctors appointment November 1st so I will tell her that I stopped taking the meds, and I think I am going to go see a therapist, I think more than anything I need to be able to talk and have someone listen and rationalize things for me. I just found out that conseling is on our drug plan! so this is good too. Hopefully I will be starting an apprenticeship soon and be able to start my life over. New look, new confidence and with that new energy to get motivated to exercise more often and do more for me. I need to accept that I need TLC sometimes too.

Thanks for the support,
You guys are the best!
Colly

 

[Laurie_Duke]

Good for you Colly !!! Self confindance is one of the best medicines !!!! And you are on the right path for it....where abouts do you live in Ontario ??


Laurie

 

[Lael]

Colly ... that is SO awesome that you went and did all of that for yourself! I applaud you for that! appicon I'm also very glad to hear that you are feeling much better off of Wellbutrin.

I truly wish you the best, and want to just encourage you to continue to seek support when you need it. We cannot always be invinsible.

(((hugs))) from us and slobbery kisses from Lael.

 

[TYS0NSM0MMA]

Thanks for all the support and slobbery kisses! I am doing great (although gained back the 4 lbs I lost on the wellbutrin, but worth it!)

Laurie, I am from Kitchener what about you?