Why GF so Bent? (long)

[Diesel Dog]

My GF is MADD at me after this weekend. She wants me to be closer to her family, so I went out with her family for her uncle's bachlor party. I was on good behavior. Here's where I get in trouble. Her Brother in Law ate dinner with us which he never leaves the house w/o the wife(GF's sister) after dinner he wanted to leave, So I gave him a hard time about it. Asking if his permission slip had a experation date or time, among other things. So he eventually came out for a hour or so. And I'm glad he did, and I let him know that, because he goes to work comes home and watches the newborn everyday, he drive a hour back and fourth to work so DW can be 5 minutes from hers, truely a great guy. I told GF about giving him a hardtime, and she went off the deep end on me. I don't get it. Something about not respecting her family. And how that was uncalled for because he wants to be that way for her sister. And to top it off yesterday we were invited to goto Michigan with them for a few days this week(leave tomorrow comeback thursday) I told her I can't because of work(project I have ends Wednesday) and Diesel can't go, no sitter, and her sister hates our dog. So now I don't want to be around her family again. I looked at it like this, I might be wrong because I'm a guy. GUys will be guys, and give each other a hardtime when they have to get "permission" to leave the house or do guy type stuff(I used to ride my motorcycle every weekend now I goto weddings). Her family, I enjoy I'm an usher in her uncle's wedding, for pete's sake. Not going to Michigan, well I know its "just a job" but I'd like to keep it and the dog can't go, because they are taking their baby, and no dogs around the baby. so I don't feel welcome either.

Am I totally off base and in the wrong? I feel bad about it all even though I don't feel I did anything all that wrong.

 

[Indy B's Mom]

Maybe your GF is upset because she feels that her BIL was offended by what you said to him. She probably just wants to make sure that you are close with her family and that they like you, since you and her family are both very important to her. If the BIL didn't seem upset by what you said, then there's nothing to worry about, but for your GF's sake, you could offer to call and ask him if he felt offended and explain that you were just teasing. As far as Michigan goes, I would do the same as you and stay home with Diesel. You have a job and you have a baby that needs you. I have a 3 year old daughter and if Haley and Ty aren't welcome somewhere, don't bother inviting me, either-that's the way I see it. I don't think that either of you is right or wrong here, more just a matter of Mars vs. Venus! I just talked to DH and read him your post-he said that it sounds like your GF is just jealous because she can't put the ropes on you like her sister does with BIL-just his Mars viewpoint.

 

[lexintitus]

I think I understand where you're coming from. It sounds to me like you were just being yourself when you gave the BIL a hard time. No hard feelings meant. Correct me if I'm wrong. Your GF probably just over-reacted. I get that stuff with my hubby's side of the family. It's hard to just joke around. I've learned to just smile, be polite and proper. No, it's not the best way to be because they won't get to see the real me, but it's too much of a headache to be myself and then have to watch my every move so I don't offend anyone. That's just my take on it

 

[Diesel Dog]

that's about right. He was fine with it when I talked to him yesterday, he understood it was all in fun. In trouble for being smart, in trouble for being too quiet(then I don't like them). So just smile, and play nice. Exactly.

 

[KonaKoffe]

I always look at it that I am not my husband's mother. I don't tell him what he can and can't do - just as he doesn't tell me what I can and can't do. It is a give and take relationship. She needs to understand your issues also. She also needs to consider not only her family liking you but you liking them and them considering your issues as well. It goes both ways.

 

[Elyse]

I don't see any harm in giving your GF's BIL a hard time. You should hear the way DH and his friend harass each other. I actually an old friend over with her fiance (DH met him once). With in 20 minutes, he and DH were ripping each other apart (mets vs. yankees). It is a guy thing and as women, we don't need to understand it as you will never understand why we go to the bathroom in groups and cry over commercials.

As for the male point of view, I would tend to think my husband would agree with Indy B's Mom' Husband.

I think the bigger issue here is that your GF needs to accept you and allow you to be you around her family. You need to explain to her that you shouldn't have to pretend to be someone else just to make them or her happy in their company.

Now for the Michigan situation, if Nestle and Porter were not welcome, I wouldn't go either. Not to mention that job thing that always seems to get in the way of fun.

Just wait for your GF to cool off and talk to her about it. Open and honest.

 

[basak]

as women, we don't need to understand it as you will never understand why we go to the bathroom in groups

yeah, why do we do that? I love those bathroom talks though:D


Me and Baris learned many years ago that some subjects shouldn't be discussed at all. Just last night, Baris was talking on the phone with a girlfriend of mine and all of a sudden he said: I don't understand a word, I'm giving you Basak, you two talk in girl language and tell me what it is in plain Turkish. I thought it was funny.

Anyway, you two need to sit down and talk openly about it. Tell her how you feel. She tells you how she feels and find a common ground

good luck

basak

 

[Laila63139]

I've never understood why some couples feel they have to be together 100% of the time to be a couple! My sister and her dh are this way, bf and I are the opposite.. I actually look forward to him going out with the guys so I can have what I call Claire time.

Anyway, if you and gf understand each other this will probably blow over soon. There no tellin' what makes us women mad sometimes, it can be the wrong day of the month or something still bothering us that happened years ago

Personally I agree with you on both points -- Giving her BIL a hard time at a batchelor party is not the worst thing you could ever do, I think it's just what you guys do to each other, especially at batchelor parties. And not going on this trip because you have other responsibilities (like your job and taking care of your baby) shows maturity, something that most women wish they had in their dh/bf's..

Anyway, here's hoping that everythings ok!

 

[Austin's Mom]

I think if BIL isn't offended then GF shouldn't be. Maybe she's just overprotective of her family. Sounds like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't!

 

[elbykitty]

I am not speaking for all women, just myself. But after hearing you story I can only say how I would react. But even if you are or not at the stage of marriage and babies. We still think of the potential for the future even if just on a subconcsoius level. When you were teasing her BIL, it sort of said you felt there was something wrong with him being supportive and being there all the time with his wife and newborn. New mommies need all the support they can get. I am sure that is not what you meant, but as a woman that is how I would see it. As for the family, I go through the same thing with my BF. My family is the most important thing in my life, it was really hard for me to understand how my BF couldn't feel the same way. If he loves me he has to love the things I love. Now I know that is not realistic and have since been more understanding that he doesn't always enjoy all my family get togethers. I was once mad at my BF because I had a dream he was hanging out with his ex, now he did nothing wrong and it was my own insecurity and one of the things about relationships is that you have to soothe even the most ridicilous insecurities . Now I don't want to make woman sound irrational but we are emotional creatures and not always thinking logically. You get a gold star for staying home with your furbaby in my book. I am sure this will just blow over and everything will be fine. Good Luck and enjoy some alone time with your furbaby this week.
Elbykitty
Mom of Lilly and Oscar