The end haunts me
- Thread starter Cami
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BigDies
Boxer Booster
I wanted to be sure I had the proper amount of time to dedicate to your post but I regret waiting until right before class. Your stories with cami have made such an impact on everyone whose read them. You are a model mother for being the biggest advocate for your babies who can't speak for themselves. Everything you've been through with cami, all the ups nd downs, we feel as if we've been through them with you. I've been working at an emergency vet and have seen several euthanasia and have not seen anything like what happened with cami. I think your vet was right though, she was such a fighter Susi I think she wanted to be sure she got the last looks at you for her goodbyes. I am sure that she was ready. She knows what a fantastic mother you were, she knows that everything you did was with her best intrest in mind.
I put the furry love of my life down 3 years ago and I still have this horrible image of how happy he was to be going out on the leash, I ended his suffering to try and do the right thing but when I got his leash he didn't seem to be suffering. It still makes me cry thinking about it, but in the months following, I had several dreams about him running pain free and it reassures that I did the right thing. It's impossibly hard though.
When I finally got diesel (over a year later) it did help the rest of my healing. He's not the dog I lost but I know that he was chosen for me in some way. Hang in there, you will get your sign from cami and I know she will help you find the perfect dog when you're ready. And in the meantime, please visit us often if you can. We miss you dearly when you're away. All the love to you and your DH.
I put the furry love of my life down 3 years ago and I still have this horrible image of how happy he was to be going out on the leash, I ended his suffering to try and do the right thing but when I got his leash he didn't seem to be suffering. It still makes me cry thinking about it, but in the months following, I had several dreams about him running pain free and it reassures that I did the right thing. It's impossibly hard though.
When I finally got diesel (over a year later) it did help the rest of my healing. He's not the dog I lost but I know that he was chosen for me in some way. Hang in there, you will get your sign from cami and I know she will help you find the perfect dog when you're ready. And in the meantime, please visit us often if you can. We miss you dearly when you're away. All the love to you and your DH.
RoxiesEcho
Boxer Insane
Susi, my heart just breaks for you and your husband. Whatever the circumstances, loosing one of our babies is one of the hardest things that any of us will face. No matter how many of us tell you that you did everything you could, it is still so very easy to second guess ourselves. I think all of us who have faced this ending have done it in one way or another. Cami is at peace now and I am sure that she knew that you did everything in your power to give her a wonderful life. It's always more painful for those of us left behind. Cami will forever be your own special angel watching over those her loved her the most.
jzaun
Boxer Booster
Suzi, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I, also, did not have a pleasant experience with euthanasia when I put my beloved jack russell to sleep before Christmas. We had the vet come to our house and having been through the experience before (with a different vet) I always witnessed the calm sedative before the actual lethal dose. I didn't know it until after I received the bill, that she had actually given Howard Ace as the sedative, and I believe he had a reaction from it before he was given the second injection. There was much panting, pacing, shaking, and a look of complete confusion in his eyes for a good 10 minutes before I was able to pull him into my arms and hold him steady enough for the other injection. This haunts me to this day. Just know that both of our fur babies are at the bridge waiting for us and are playing and running free with no pain. My heart goes out to you.
Julie
Mom to Betty, flashy fawn, croppeed, docked
and Howard, waiting at the bridge
Julie
Mom to Betty, flashy fawn, croppeed, docked
and Howard, waiting at the bridge
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Independence
Boxer Insane
Susi, you know you did the right thing. We will always second guess ourselves especially when it comes to euthanasia. I hope the good memories will carry you thru this very difficult and emotional time. Cami is not suffering anymore, she is not scared and she can run and be a happy girl with our recent additions at the rainbow bridge. You need to take care of yourself and your husband. Cami will let you know that she is happy and safe on the other side. Look for the signs. It will be something that was special between you two.
When you are ready you and your husband should go in and talk to the vet about what happened in the end. Maybe it will bring you some closure.
Know you are in our thoughts and prayers. I wish I was closer. I would come give you a big ol hug and we could talk about your beautiful girl....
When you are ready you and your husband should go in and talk to the vet about what happened in the end. Maybe it will bring you some closure.
Know you are in our thoughts and prayers. I wish I was closer. I would come give you a big ol hug and we could talk about your beautiful girl....
cantfindlog
Completely Boxer Crazy
Susi,
I am so sorry that you had such a horrible memories of Cami’s last moments. It definitely is human nature to second guess a decision like this. I also can relate to you that you and your husband experienced this last scary moment differently.
When Molly passed away last year unexpectedly, I was the one that found her when I got home from work. She was confused, had peed all over the house and I could tell she was in pain all day. She did get up and make it outside to pee one more time. The vets office just closed and my regular vet was on call that night but he was 40 miles away at a farm tending a sick cow. He told me to get in the car and drive the hour to the emergency vet. I was crying and said it is too far. I got a hold of the owner of the vet clinic and he came in. I don’t have the same relationship with him as the regular. Just that morning my Dh said to me that he didn’t think Molly felt good, should we take her in? I said no, Molly is like this a lot. So, I finally got her there and Dh met me there. For us too, it happened so quickly. Molly was taken in back to draw blood to see what was going on. The vet need to get to work on her. So I last seen Molly alive when the vet took her in back. We signed papers and left. Why did I leave? I will never do that again. When I left I knew I would never see her alive again. As we left my dh looked back at a set of windows and could see in and he saw Molly and he said she looked peaceful, happy. I saw a dying dog that I felt horrible that I didn’t see that she was in trouble earlier in the day.
So I know what you mean by seeing it differently. I seconded guessed everything surrounding Molly’s death. My dh saw a dog that was peaceful, happy. I wrestle with that fact that I missed this and I should have done that.
It troubles me deeply that your last moments with Cami are filled with horror and doubt. I think no matter how our animals leave us it never is painless or right or how we imagined it will/would be like.
What got me through a lot of my thoughts in my head and that feeling of constant doubt was all the wonderful replies I got from BW members. So many that responded to Molly’s death, they also had loss and it helped to read the words from others that had lost and told me not to doubt everything.
I still cry hard over Molly and still doubt sometimes, but the doubt is fading and talking and thinking of Molly is easier every time.
I like the suggestion from “Independence” that when you are ready you should go and talk it over with the vet as to why it happened the way it did.
Susi, we all feel your pain. Take your time and grieve. You’re a strong lady and you will make it.
I am so sorry that you had such a horrible memories of Cami’s last moments. It definitely is human nature to second guess a decision like this. I also can relate to you that you and your husband experienced this last scary moment differently.
When Molly passed away last year unexpectedly, I was the one that found her when I got home from work. She was confused, had peed all over the house and I could tell she was in pain all day. She did get up and make it outside to pee one more time. The vets office just closed and my regular vet was on call that night but he was 40 miles away at a farm tending a sick cow. He told me to get in the car and drive the hour to the emergency vet. I was crying and said it is too far. I got a hold of the owner of the vet clinic and he came in. I don’t have the same relationship with him as the regular. Just that morning my Dh said to me that he didn’t think Molly felt good, should we take her in? I said no, Molly is like this a lot. So, I finally got her there and Dh met me there. For us too, it happened so quickly. Molly was taken in back to draw blood to see what was going on. The vet need to get to work on her. So I last seen Molly alive when the vet took her in back. We signed papers and left. Why did I leave? I will never do that again. When I left I knew I would never see her alive again. As we left my dh looked back at a set of windows and could see in and he saw Molly and he said she looked peaceful, happy. I saw a dying dog that I felt horrible that I didn’t see that she was in trouble earlier in the day.
So I know what you mean by seeing it differently. I seconded guessed everything surrounding Molly’s death. My dh saw a dog that was peaceful, happy. I wrestle with that fact that I missed this and I should have done that.
It troubles me deeply that your last moments with Cami are filled with horror and doubt. I think no matter how our animals leave us it never is painless or right or how we imagined it will/would be like.
What got me through a lot of my thoughts in my head and that feeling of constant doubt was all the wonderful replies I got from BW members. So many that responded to Molly’s death, they also had loss and it helped to read the words from others that had lost and told me not to doubt everything.
I still cry hard over Molly and still doubt sometimes, but the doubt is fading and talking and thinking of Molly is easier every time.
I like the suggestion from “Independence” that when you are ready you should go and talk it over with the vet as to why it happened the way it did.
Susi, we all feel your pain. Take your time and grieve. You’re a strong lady and you will make it.
GDOGS1
Boxer Insane
Susi just want you to know that i will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time,as i feel that i knew Cami from reading all your post through out the years and i feel that all BW members are my extended family so when they grieve i also grieve with them for there loss also affects me.I to have had to help 2 of our babies to the bridge and it was no easy task as i cried for months and toiled with my second guessing whether i did the right thing or not but after several months i did realize that i did the right thing and am comfortable with my choice's. I know that you are a very strong person and you will make it through this
samsons
Boxer Insane
Susi,
I am so so sorry for ur lose , i am in tears as i write this. I know no words will do ur pain justice as it did not mine. i just lost my beloved huckelberry within 3 days of being fine - to finding out he was torn apart with cancer - they end was not pretty , after 3 injections ( he had been sedated ) my daughter ( 16 ) and I had to leave the room ... and come back after they had done the unthinkable ( i am crying so hard i cant see what i have typed ) we weren't even able to hold him at the end. i walked out of a vets office with a leash and collar and a hysterical teenager, as much as it hurt .. I knew we had done the right thing. hucks is in peace now , and i take comfort from that , and i still on occasion find chow hair floating around my house - and i think of him playing , allergy , and pain free at the bridge. even though i feel like i deserted him , and he was fighting so so much to live - he was only going to be in so much pain ( they vet said they could control the pain and send him home for a cpl days ( tops )) BUT i KNOW in my heart of hearts i did what was best for him ~ even though it hurt his mommy ( my daughter ) so so much !!! and me ... i take comfort in that.
my god bless you and ur family in this great time of grief,
Angela , Tanya and of course Sam
I am so so sorry for ur lose , i am in tears as i write this. I know no words will do ur pain justice as it did not mine. i just lost my beloved huckelberry within 3 days of being fine - to finding out he was torn apart with cancer - they end was not pretty , after 3 injections ( he had been sedated ) my daughter ( 16 ) and I had to leave the room ... and come back after they had done the unthinkable ( i am crying so hard i cant see what i have typed ) we weren't even able to hold him at the end. i walked out of a vets office with a leash and collar and a hysterical teenager, as much as it hurt .. I knew we had done the right thing. hucks is in peace now , and i take comfort from that , and i still on occasion find chow hair floating around my house - and i think of him playing , allergy , and pain free at the bridge. even though i feel like i deserted him , and he was fighting so so much to live - he was only going to be in so much pain ( they vet said they could control the pain and send him home for a cpl days ( tops )) BUT i KNOW in my heart of hearts i did what was best for him ~ even though it hurt his mommy ( my daughter ) so so much !!! and me ... i take comfort in that.
my god bless you and ur family in this great time of grief,
Angela , Tanya and of course Sam
djheitz
Boxer Insane
My heart is breaking for you all over again, Susi. I started reading your post this morning when I got to work and I still haven't been able to get all the way through it.
There are very few people as dedicated to their dog's health as you have been. You did everything you could to help Cami get better and when it came time to make the hardest decision of all, you followed your heart and did the right thing. Death is always difficult for those left behind, whether it was a beloved pet or friend or family member. Allow yourself to grieve, but try not to second guess yourself. You have always done what's best for Cami, so why wouldn't you have done the same this time?
Hugs and strength...
There are very few people as dedicated to their dog's health as you have been. You did everything you could to help Cami get better and when it came time to make the hardest decision of all, you followed your heart and did the right thing. Death is always difficult for those left behind, whether it was a beloved pet or friend or family member. Allow yourself to grieve, but try not to second guess yourself. You have always done what's best for Cami, so why wouldn't you have done the same this time?
Hugs and strength...
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