Question for the men???

[Clover's Mom]

The icing on the cake just happened, need more support than ever!

Well I was doing so good yesterday - I even invited one of the single men from our office out to get sushi with my friend and myself - had a great time...went home, started reading a book...then watched a little TV...played with Clover...then went to bed, didn't pay any attention to Daniel - woke up around 1am to go to the restroom, and there he is having "you know what" on the phone...I was stunned..so I go back into the bedroom and sit there for hours..finally it's time to get ready for work, I go out to the living room and just say "next time you plan on having "you know what", please wait till I"m gone or don't do it in the common areas" - he then proceeded to point blame on me, and says he had been considerate he close my door, oh well thank you for being so concerened about me hearing you, when I wake up to go to the restroom evernight and he was in the livingroom on the couch!...so needless to say I was awwstruck!!! I was so embarrassed that we haven't been intimate in months, and there he is doing this with some girl he just met online, and the fact that he had the nerve to do it while I was there, or even at all! I couldn't believe it - so my "detective" personality stepped in, at lunch today I went home and looked at the history on the computer, and I don't even know how to say this, it makes me sick, he has been looking at transgender females websites, and even '"sex in peru" - gay' (that is exactly what he typed into google), so I know this is bad, but I sign on as him on his yahoo messenger and look at that history, and I about fainted...first I should say I'm a firm believer in live your life however you want, I don't discriminate between gays, bi's - or anything, but if that's teh case he's been lying to me for a LONG time now...so anyway he had been writing to a friend about how he has been fantizing about have sex with a "tranny", and wants to dominate a women or I don't know, and gets bored with sex and likes it kinky and wants to be with someone who has low self-esteem, and wants to be used, wants a women he can tie up....I know I don't know any of you and you are all probably wondering why the H#LL I'm typing this, but I dont' know who else to turn to...I don't know what to do- I did burn all of this onto a CD so he can't deny any of it, not sure if that was smart but...it's all such a shock. I feel so sick...I'm currently looking for a place, but in Southern California it's hard to find a place that is 1.) cheap 2.) accepts a dog...
Really who is this person...what is wrong with him....sorry if I was graphic or offended anyone I tried to take most of the "bad" stuff out, but didn't know what else to do.

 

[2BoxersnOhio]

Don't be sorry. We're here to help and you're just giving us more insight as to how to try and help you cope with this.

My thoughts first and foremost... why should YOU move out? Unless it was his house before you got married, make HIM move out! He's the one that wants this change.. make HIM go through all the BS! You are not at fault for any of this regardless of how many times he tries to tell you it is. IT'S NOT! Remember that and tell yourself that everyday. HE is the one making this drastic change in your lives, HE is the one choosing to find different things to fill his different desires, not you. Don't be nice about this... put your gloves on and prepare to fight. Been there done that and it's not pretty. You can't be the "nice guy".. my hubby did that with his ex and it got him completely screwed. No matter how many times they say they want to remain friends or they want things to go smoothly.. they don't! The instant they see your guard down.. they'll attack so be prepared!

It really sucks that you have to go through this to begin with but we're here for you. You may not know us in person but we all love Boxers.. we've got enough in common with that alone :D

 

[MacFish]

I agree. Consult a lawyer and then change the locks.

Why should you have to leave the life you are accustomed to? He wants the change not you.

 

[Shotze's Mom]

Wow. Um, yeah, I dont know how your doing it. Your stronger than me is all I can say. I would have felt disrespected, embarassed, repulsed and sickened if I had walked in on that. He should at least have enough respect for you to conduct his "buisness" elsewhere. Maybe suggest a shrink to help him with his confusion and desires. I dont know your situation, but if I had been married to a man for years and found out he was wanting same-sex experiences, Id be heartbroken and demand to know his reasoning and why in the hell he married me in the first place. He could have saved you alot of tears and agony. Maybe Im out of line here, but Ive been through being cheated on. Ive asked myself all the questions. Im here to say, its never your fault. My first husband and I had relations almost nightly, so it wasnt a "lack-off" that caused his cheating. Some men are just dogs.
I agree that maybe HE should be the one to leave. He is the one looking for something different. I would have also talked on his messenger just to find out what exactly is going on. Wouldnt he be suprised when he logged back on. Of course, when it comes to relations of the heart I can be very cruel and hurtful if need be. My saying is, " You hurt me once, shame on you. You hurt me twice shame on me." Lay down some ground rules for your living arrangement and be firm and strict in them. Never waver. Also, I dont know how much you are caring for his needs, but bring ANY help you give him to a stop. No cleaning up after him, no cooking for him, no doing his clothes...nothing. And chin-up, there ARE good men left in this world.


One other thought....require a password upon sign-in on windows. That way the PC is locked and he cant use it to "fullfill his desires".

 

[Austin's Mom]

I have to agree with Shotze's Mom. It's not your fault what he does. If he cheats HE chooses to cheat. Even Dr. Phil says it's never your fault. Sounds like this guy has some serious issues, and you need to get away from him. No need to feel embarassed, we're all here for you.

 

[Faughtey]

You were smart to preserve what you know on a CD. Shows you were thinking, when some people would be freaking out. Now get yourself a good lawyer and get away from him as fast as possible. He obviously is not the person you thought he was when you married him.

 

[Orionsmomma]

Hon, I just read your posts, and I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice for you that's any different than anyone else's. I just wanted you to know that I'll keep you in my thoughts. It'll all turn out for the best in the end. Orion sends puppy kisses and hugs.

O's Mom - Keena

 

[DanCat]

Ahhh this reminds me of a song...how's it go??? " Somewhere...over the rainbow!!!!!!" Gee did I call it??? Sorry to say that. Get away from him.

 

[frankied]

Do consult a lawyer and YOU should be the one staying in the house and HE should be leaving. I agree with changing the locks. There are no words for that guy.

Hugs (((())))) we are here for ya.

Christa

 

[Rowdy's Dad]

Do what you want about the house, but get away from this guy quickly before he hurts you. In the future, keep your number unlisted and don't let him know where you live or who you live with. Change your cell phone # now and make sure he can't get it. Call a lawyer ASAP and make an extra copy of that disk for safe keeping and give it to a friend that doesn't know your husband. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. We'll keep you in our prayers.

Donald