Question for the men???

[Rowdy's Dad]

I think it's past time to suggest therapy. He is trying to turn the tables on you and it can only be one of two things. 1. He is really upset about his flowers and he is therefore nuts. 2. He is trying to find something to make you feel guilty about because he knows he is in the wrong. My guess is #2 and my suggestion is to RUN. Leave on YOUR terms, not his. What if screaming loses it's effect and he escalates it to violence? You'll see things alot better after you have had some time to yourself. And who is he to demand to know where you were while he was away? What if somebody(including you) gets pregnant soon? What if he brings you a STD for your birthday? RUN?

 

[Clover's Mom]

Thanks you guys - it's been a tough night/day...last night didn't go very well..I won't go into details, just know there was an argument, loud, and he showed me his pro's and con's list of me, oh I'm sorry it was a pro's and challenges list as he put it...this morning he tells me he is sorry for the mean hurtful things he said during the argument and he didn't mean them he was just mad...I made it very clear that wasn't what bothered me, it was his list, and the letter of feelings he had that he wrote to himself....he then proceeds to tell me, not to think to much of it, it's how he was feeling at the time...so I asked him if he feelings changed, and this was his answer "well maybe if you knew me better, you would know" - who's Fu**ing feelings change that drasticly...UGGGG -

Thank you guys!

 

[VTbxrFan]

Wow - a list??? I know I'm not perfect, and I'm quite certain I do a lot of things that drive my husband crazy...just like he does things that drive me crazy and we can discuss those things...but if he ever made a list of things he didn't like about me and showed it to me, that would most definitely be the end of our relationship. I just could never get over something like that and I can't imagine ever doing something so hurtful to him no matter how angry I was. I want to be with someone who loves me the way that I am - challenges and all - and someone who is capable of focusing on the positives rather than pointing out my shortcomings. I would not be willing to spend my life in a relationship where I had to constantly prove that I'm worth staying with.

You deserve better than that!

 

[BoxerRock]

I agree with DanCat! I divorced a man 16 years ago that was not interested in intamacy once we married. I still suspect that he was "under the rainbow" and I was just his cover. Anyway, I married once more on June 23, 2001 (I had sworn I'd never do it again) and I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be with someone who really loves you and wants you in every way. What I went through 16 years ago seemed like hell but I'd go through 100 times the pain and aggravation if that's what it took for me to be where I am now. All that I've been through has played a part in making me who I am today and I'm one happy lady. Good luck and remember...everything happens for a reason.
The Rocks (Kim) and Carley

 

[DanCat]

Ok I'm a man. I'm not you're stereotypical "a$$hole" who is headlong into sports and getting drunk all the time. I'm no wus either. I don't understand some of my fellow genders actions. This guy sounds like an idiot who doesn't know what he wants and sure the heck doesn't care about you. If he did he wouldn't yell at you like youdescribe. If he loved you he sure the heck would never have made that idiotic list. You need to put yourself first. I put my wife first and because of it she treats me pretty much like a king, but I treat her just as good. That is what it's all about, EQUALITY. He doesn't treat you like his equal.....more like he is your boss and he just gave you your evaluation. Don't settle for less than what you deserve. I will admit you will not find the "Perfect" man. They just don't exist. I don't think I am even remotely close to perfect, but I do know how to treat a lady...and I know how to act like an adult. You have to think about and what's best for you, so kick this ( insert your own explicative here...i don't want to get banned :D) and take care of yourself.

 

[Clover's Mom]

LOL - DanCat, you couldn't help but make me laugh, well first about the "rainbow", and the whole boss thing - cause I never really saw that until you mentioned...you are right he is so very confused - thinks relationships should just happened and should not be work...thinks his "soulmate" is one person out there, and that he will find the perfect match who likes to do everything he does, imo if someone was so like-minded and liked to do everything I did, I would be bored, I want someone who likes some of the things I do, but they have their own interrests...someone I can do things with but also can go out on my own to do my own thing!

Today seems like a good day - I actually laughed for the first time about the whole thing today, and couldn't believe just how immature, and petty he was being/is being about everything...he's 30 going on 13 I believe!

But now it's time to take care of myself and Clover - lord knows she needs it!

Thanks for everything you guys! You are lifesavers!

 

[DanCat]

See....who says all of us men are bad. Who needs Dr. Phil when you have me???!!! Glad I could make you laugh, it's the best medicine. I'm also glad you see that it's time to take care of yourself. It's takes more energy to laugh than frown...so if you get a good movie and laugh you could eat a half gallon of ice cream and have it worked off....wait that doesn't work for me. Nevermind then!!!

 

[2BoxersnOhio]

It's takes more energy to laugh than frown...

I'm reminded of this now....

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 to flip someone off!

So there ya go! Food for thought

 

[kelseighgirl]

I'm reminded of this now....

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 to flip someone off!

So there ya go! Food for thought

OH What a beautiful thing!!! I am so bad at..."showing people my tall man"
( a friend of mine who has 2 small boys at the time was blessed with such a wonderful addiction too that she would tell the boys that she was showing people her tall man...since "that" finger is the tallest one....)

 

[Silverstar]

I know you don't know me from Eve. But my advise is the same as many, it is just not worth the emotional rollercoaster.

I have not been married, but I was engaged. LONG engagement (4 years) dated for 2 years. I convinced myself that I was happier with him, that he made me a better person and even made him to be a great man like my father.

He cheated on me and tried to blame it on me. Did the same thing as your husband ... yelled and picked fights over the stupidest things (emotional abuse, is what I call it now). I believe it was his way to make it easier when he left (blame it on me). Finally he did leave. And I still cried and wondered what I did. He had met a girl ... and by girl I mean girl (17). Soon after he left he thought he wanted to make a go of it again. I found out (next day) that he told the girl he was working late, she found out that he wasn't. Anyway......lots of screaming later and the support of friends, I took what was mine and left him behind forever.

However, if he had asked me to (even a year later) I would have taken him back. I thought I had enough love and devotion for the both of us. I was mistaken. My belief now, is he wanted his cake and to eat it too. I too will not settle for anything less than what I deserve (yes still single). It's tough, and no one is saying it's not. But, by the sound of it he is stinging you along until he decides what he is going to do. And that is not fair. You may think that you need him now and are happier with him, but like many of us have learned....you can be just as happy or even happier without him.

Because when you find your "soulmate" like Dan has (and I am waiting for).....it is a beautiful thing. There is a reason for everything, even heartache. Who knows....you might find your great love...over the "rainbow"