Question for the men???

[Clover's Mom]

So I've posted before my husband and my situation - but I have a question...last Tuesday we got into an argument, I asked him if he wanted a new life or if this was a early mid-life crisis and he wanted a fling...he said new life, I asked him to move out, he said no - anyway...tonight he calls to tell me he opted to give his seat up and will be returning tomorrow and he heard through the "family grapevine" that I was staying with a friend for awhile and would not be excepting his calls, but that he wanted me to know he was going to start looking for a condo, but couldn't be sure. Well then he goes on to tell me that he did a lot of thinking on his hike about what he wants, where he wants to be, who, us...ect. claims he can't talk right now, but that he would like to when he gets home, and he spoke with his mom, and after telling her how he felt, she claims we should separate, and she thinks he isn't ready to "compete with the big dogs", and she has no confidence in him. My question is, WHAT THE H#LL is going on..I think I know what he is going to say "I love you, care for you, but feel I need to go out and basicaly 'live' a little"...I knda feel like telling him to go, and if I'm here when he gets back then okay, if not then his fault - it's his choice to roll the dice on this relationship. I guess I"m confused and not sure exactly because I'm just not sure what he is going to say - but he sure was being nice, too nice! He also claimed that we are where his parent are at 32 years, and we've only been together for 3...(his parents jsut got divorced, but are still friends and thinking of getting back together, or retrying). UGGGGGG - I guess I just needed to vent. Sorry it's so long

 

[ladyluck_t]

I am sorry, i dont remember reading your other posts about your situation, but i just wanted to let you know that i feel for you! I left my hubby of 5 yrs almost 13 yrs ago. he remarried shortly thereafter and i am still single. Sounds terribly lame, but i have to tell you, i wont settle for anything less than top notch now. I have learned alot about myself, i would like to share a few with you in the hopes that it helps:
1. You are responsible for your own happiness, no-one else!
2. You should love yourself just as you are but be willing to improve and grow.
3. Anything is possible if you just put your mind to it and do it!
4. In the long run, the easy way always ends up being the hardest to live through.
5. Strength of character is a state of mind, believe it and it will be.
6. When all else fails, a good cry is cleansing!
Hang in there and do what you think is best for you and your babies, I will keep you in my prayers. Matters of the heart are never easy, and even though it sounds trite, it is true, "this too shall pass"

Hugs,
Carolyn

p.s. katie says that there should be a # 7 boxer love heals all wounds!
hugs and kisses from katie

 

[Rowdy's Dad]

If he wants to leave, don't let him come back. I miss having time to myself and disposable income, but I made the comittments and I will honor them. I expect the same from my wife. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Who is to say he wouldn't do it again in a few years? There could be kids involved next time. I don't understand how people can take their marriage vows so lightly. My advice would be to move on. I'm sure it will be tough, but you can do alot better.

 

[frankied]

Oh yes I agree with Rowdy's Dad. You are worth so much more than this. You should not have to waste your time trying to understand him when he does not even know what he wants. I would definitely not be waiting around for him to come back! As a young married person I can relate that there are sacrifices that we make and have made but it is worth it to be with the one you love.

I have a friend in the middle of a divorce (same age as me) and it is because her DH decided to go out and have that fling on the side. She wanted to work things out and he led her on to believe he did too. After waiting around (and thankfully not for long) she found out he was dating a 19 year old and told him to come and get his stuff from the house or he would find it on the lawn (he kept saying he was going to get it tommorow :rolleyes: ) Don't sacrifice your happiness for anything and obviously he needs more help than you can give.

Hugs ((((()))))
Christa

 

[MacFish]

If he wants to leave, don't let him come back. I miss having time to myself and disposable income, but I made the comittments and I will honor them. I expect the same from my wife. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Who is to say he wouldn't do it again in a few years? There could be kids involved next time. I don't understand how people can take their marriage vows so lightly. My advice would be to move on. I'm sure it will be tough, but you can do alot better.

Exacty! It's like training anything else. If you let him leave and then come back when he wants, in a few years he will do the same because he knows you'll let him come back again. A separation may not be a bad thing to sort some stuff out but it has to be on your terms. It isn't a free pass for him to go out and finish sewing some wild oats he never got to in the first place. It is time for the 2 of you to decide if your relationship is worth rebuilding.

 

[jo.mcqueen]

i'm sorry to hear all of that, I hope you get your situation sorted out for the best! and remember we are all hear ready just to listen when you need to vent!

Again best of luck


Love Jo and Saffie

 

[abradbury.5]

In my opinion, you need to make the decision you can live with and that will make YOU the happiest. We can all offer our advice and input, but you are the one that must live with the decision you make. So think long and hard about what YOU need in life to be happy. It may be you will be happier separating for a time and attending counseling, it may be you will be happier on your own, it may be you will be happier sticking this out.... only you can make that decision. Just remember to think about yourself though, and not your husband at this point.

I hope things work out however you want them to.... and LadyLuck has some great facts on life in her post

 

[Clover's Mom]

Thank you everyone for you kind words of advice. I'm so confused, I know all my friends and family are just looking out for me, and they keep saying oh you'll get through this and be able to move on - yeah sure, but I never married Dan because he "completed" me, I married him because of the fullfilment he gave to my life, and how he made me a better person...UGGG - I'm so confused, I had to call his mother to get their address, with everything going on I've misplaced everything even my mind I feel ...so she told me she couldn't talk and would call later, but that Dan has even changed his mind since he's been there - he was just there, he just flew home from there today. What?! Changed his mind in what? She couldn't go into detail because she was at work...but I'm interrested to hear Dan's side, then his mother's side. I know what I want...and yes even through all our problems, my life was happier, I was happier, with Dan, than without. UGGG - Men! (sorry to all you menfolk) I know he has to decide for himself what he wants, because this is really in his hands, I can plead, beg, resort to tactics, and talk myself blue about what I want, HIM, and the reasoning why, but in the end it's his decision. So confused!

 

[JennieWI]

she claims we should separate, and she thinks he isn't ready to "compete with the big dogs",

is she referring to Clover? The reason I'm asking is that I have definately paid less attention to my BF since Gunther's arrival as a puppy last December. And the BF jokes about it, but I wonder how much it really bothers him.

 

[Clover's Mom]

LOL - I'm sorry, thanks for making laugh today - I didn't even think of that...but ever since we've had Clover I will admit I do give her lots of attention - and even on our Portland trip while in the hotel room he said "maybe next time you'll think less about dog food and more about people food" because I only packed food for Clover, and didn't even think about us - hahaha, but I thought we could go out. I do know he gets upset at me for not wanting to do things where we can't bring Clover - and for being protective...but Clover's had a rough "puppyhood", and she is very absent minded! And well he just doesn't think - just assumes because she is a dog she can handle everything - for example, the week after her spay he wanted to go to Big Bear to camp - and I said no, he got upset...but I mean come on... anyway - we'll see, his mom is suppose to call me back tonight, and I'm curious as to what he has changed his mind about?!