Parental Rights.....

[Knye2001]

My SIL had her daughter when she was 17 and she is the type of person who will never be a responsible adult (oh-if I could tell you come stories). Well, she's been threatening her mom that she's going to move out and take Julia with her. Tiffy - SIL- has never had a job, doesn't drive, just got engaged to a guy that she's been dating for a few months, and doesn't take care of her child!! Tiffy will get home from school, touch Julia's head, and then leave for the night till 11:30. She can't feed her child, put her to sleep, or deal with her. MIL has been doing this for almost 10 months now and I'm sure when Julia begins talking - MIL will be come Ma-Ma.

Anyway - what I wanted to know is, has anyone had to fight for their kids? MIL is talking to lawyers now to get custody of Julia so that if Tiffy were to move, they wouldn't have to worry about who was taking care of Julia. (They don't want to keep her from Tiffy forever, but they want to make sure that Tiffy can take care of her child first!) I've heard from people that it's difficult to prove a mother.............unfit (for lack of a better word). Do you think my MIL has a chance? The visiting nurse knows that Tiffy does nothing, Tiffy has threatened MIL's life many times and MIL has it on tape, MIL has been keeping a record of Tiffy's activities, and hubby and I can vouch for all of it. (*Note - Tiffy is now 18 and can not pass the 11th grade. She is flunking every single class and we are afraid that she will drop out!!!)

Well, any advice would be of help on what to do, wether it's possible, or anything else for that matter! That little girl is the sweetest and means the world to FIL and MIL (not to mention hubby and me!). I don't want to see any harm come to her!

 

[Donna741]

With all the "backup" MIL has I would think that she actually has a pretty good case. Even the fact that SIL is flunking out lends creedence to the idea that she can't even take care of herself let alone a child.

Best of luck to your MIL.

 

[Scorpio]

Sounds like she has a case but you never know what a judge will say re parental rights,good luck.

My girlfriends husband took his daughter from his first marriage to court to get custody of her son, she was only 15 and he got not only custody but adopted him. She was a druggie and was put in rehab but would not stay there.

 

[Jake H.'s mom]

What a terrible situation. Has your MIL come straight out and asked your SIL if she can have custody? One thought. Sometimes you can enable a person to act irresponsibly. Has you MIL refused to watch her granddaughter at night or does she let her daughter come and go as she pleases without a word. It would certainly look better if MIL has tried to hold her accountable and she has refused, leaving the house anyway to be with her friends. It also sounds like she doesn't understand the responsibility involved in raising a child and if MIL forces her to take responsibility she may decide she would rather have her freedom. Either way i'm sure MIL would be the best option for your niece. Good luck and please keep us posted.

 

[chris N.]

This a bad sitituation, but is more and more common. My parents went through something like this when my bro and his wife divorced. when my parents did get custody of my nephew and chances are if things are as you say your MIL will.
The bad thing is that this does not make people take responceability for their kids. I feel as though it lets them be part time parents when they feel like it.

But the kids are usally bnetter with the grand parents then the parents.

 

[leenasmom]

This is definately not a good situation to be in for Julia's sake. :( I had my daughter, Zoe, when I was 17 (my senior year in high school). It amazes me how some parents both young and old can dismiss their own children so easily. When Zoe was a baby, I wouldn't let anyone else help me with her. I have busted my butt for the past 5 years to get Zoe and I where we are. Maybe Tiffy needs to learn about responsibility, and how to be a parent.

I don't know how your MIL will come out in court, and I don't have any advice there. I wish the best for Julia, tho.

 

[Rowdy's Dad]

More than likely nothing can be done until Julia is actually abused or neglected. It is hard to prove that Tiffy would neglect her child if the grandparents would step aside without letting her do so and you can't do that. So I don't know what to tell you. I hope Tiffy wakes up. Where is the father? Is it best to leave him out of the situation?

 

[Knye2001]

Julia's father has been out of the picture before she was born and it's better off that way.

Unfortunatly, Tiffy has never had any discipline in her life. She was born with club feet and her father was really upset by that and babied her b/c of it. Over the years, it was easier to just let Tiffy have her way than to stand up to her. It's come to the point where when Tiffy leaves, MIL hopes that it's all night cuz Julia is really fussy when she's around.

MIL talked to a lawyer and they told her that she would have to adopt Julia. MIL doesn't really want to have to do that since she wants Tiffy to raise her when she's ready, but MIL will wait till something happens before taking action. Now it's just the wait game.

I spent all weekend with MIL and Julia so MIL could relax a little. I've never had a child of my own, so I'm not totally prepared to take care of the little one, but I help out when I can. Scott and I would take for weekends more often, but Tiffy would freak at the thought. We have taken her for a few hours, but Tiffy doesn't know and never will or there will be hell to pay!!!

Thanks for all the advice and kind words. I'm just hoping that everything works out in the end!! We're enjoying Julia everday as she's a total joy to be around!!