Not a "Happy" New Year
- Thread starter Cami
- Start date
- Status
Independence
Boxer Insane
Susi, please know that you are all in our prayers. Please keep positive it's hard but you gotta try. Cami's in the best hands possible. You know they will do what is right by her. We'll be looking forward to your next update.
RoxiesEcho
Boxer Insane
Come on Cami - keep fighting your way through this. Your mom & dad want to be able to hug and kiss on you and spoil you rotten!
dbetz
Completely Boxer Crazy
Oh Cami! We are sending you all the healing vibes we can muster. All the things you have been through, I can't imagine! I am counting on you to get better soon. 2010 may have gotten off to a bad start but let's hope you are just getting it out of the way for a very healthy year.
Cami
Boxer Insane
This new post to update you all was started a few hours ago. Unrelated to Cami, I had to leave home for a bit and the post went uncompleted.
I got to visit with Cami about 1/2 hour ago and upon returning home started to read what I was going to post earlier. I decided to start over with this post. The other was coming from a very negative place inside me. Quite possibly from my breaking heart.
This one is from a happier place and there is no need to discuss all the things that have transpired. What is done is done. What matters most is what hopefully is in store for us. This is from my most recent visit.
As the tech was taking me back to the ICU she apologized for the "state of Cami's bedding". Seems the tech had grown tired of having to constantly "re-make" Cami's bed and eventually just gave up. I gave her a little chuckle (one of my first over the past few days) and then apologized to her. Hubby and I created that little monster. She loves to get under the covers and uses her paws to inform (DEMAND) that we lift them up for her. She likes to be covered up! She will no longer EVER hear me in the middle of the night say...."CAM!!! Seriously???"
The tech also mentions that she has a Boxer which makes me feel like a part of a sorority. We have all been there. For some reason Boxer parents always feel the need to inform other Boxer owners that they too are owned by one. She was the third tech to give me such info over the past few days.
THEN.....I see my baby. She is laying on her side...if she were at home I would know for sure that she was sleeping comfortably....BUT....in the kennel area of the hospital I knew she was just fighting to live. Fighting to come home to her family. Fighting to make us happy. Just fighting.
She raised her head and then stood up to greet us as the tech opened the large gate to allow me entry. I know she is my pride and joy so don't fault me for saying just how beautiful she really is. Even as sick as she is with the gray now starting to show on her muzzle, wearing a heart monitor and connected to machines and IV's on both front legs.... she is just as beautiful to me now as she was as that adorable & tiny 7 pound puppy. All I see is HER and all that she is to me.
My heart swells and she sees me. She wiggles that little nub of hers and smiles at mommy. Looks past me for a split second to see her daddy who wasn't there. Attention shifts back to me as I enter her "room".
I sit on the ground with her and hold onto her with all my might. I kiss her and tell her things that are only for her ears. She takes treats from me and makes my smile grow even bigger. There is no seeing possible at this point as my tears of joy at being with her in that moment were coming hard and heavy. Happy tears really says it all sometimes.
She smelled terrible but wonderful at the same time. I couldn't get enough of her. I wanted so hard to just WAKE UP from this nightmare but sadly it wasn't possible. We are in the trenches right now and as long as she continues to hold on I will have her back and front and sides....every thing that she needs.
She has gotten really good at whining over the past few years. Again, another part of her personality that we don't necessarily care for but TODAY it was music to my ears. Never again will I ignore the whine. Never again will I tell her to stop whining. I will go to the ends of the earth to satisfy whatever it is that she is whining about.
She started whining. BEAUTIFUL whining. Cami still has spunk and was telling me that she wanted the hell out of that place. I couldn't bring her home but I could take her outside for some fresh air and to go potty. Even though it was a short venture it was just US. Out in the freezing cold with a light snow falling. Just me and my Doodle Bug.
She didn't want to go back in her "room" and pulled back on the leash. No command that she would normally follow worked and I ended up having to pick her up and carry her inside. Took a peak at her monitor and her rate had spiked up over 50 points from when I first arrived. Not good and I knew that my time with her for that visit would have to come to an end. I cause her too much excitement and when mixed with her frustration at having to be there....well it was better that I cut the visit short soon.
Back inside I sat with her again and she kept trying to push past me to gain her freedom. It was all that I could do to not just take her home at that very second. I decided to give her a few more kisses and hugs and offered up a couple more of her favorite treats.
We play momma and baby bird with certain types of food. She loves popcorn but doesn't get it very often so when she does get it we make it special. I hold on to a piece with my lips and tell her baby bird. She comes and takes it from me ever so gently. Yeah, I am a dork but whatever! Without thinking I put one of HER treats in my mouth and say "baby bird". She turns her head towards me and nose to nose she takes her treat from my mouth.
Leaving her there was a very hard process to get through. As I am closing the door she is pawing at it. Never again will I tell her to stop pawing at doors at home that she wants open just because she wants it open. She never wants in a particular room....she just wants the door open!
She can paw at ANYTHING that she wants any time she wants and I won't say a word. What I will do is grant her request and thank God that she is here to paw at that door. I will thank God that she can whine. I will thank God that she wakes me up at 3am by pawing at the covers. I will thank God that she knows what baby bird means.
I told her to stay and to be a good girl which is what I always tell her before I leave home. This time however she didn't head off to her favorite chair by the window to take a nap while I was away. Instead she looked at me, deep into my soul and asked me why with her eyes. She tilted her head to one side and I told her that I loved her and would be bringing her a surprise later today. Daddy is the surprise but I didn't dare mention that name.
I drove away thinking that if I never saw her again alive that our visit was a good one and she was at least happy with me during the time that we spent together. And then I screamed at the top of my lungs. I beat my steering wheel with my fists. I prayed and I cried. I am still crying. I don't know if I will ever be able to stop crying. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. This has by far caused me the most pain that I have ever felt. I would take her illness on my self in a nano second if I could. At least I would know what was happening to me.
The goal is to get her heart rate controlled with a cocktail of medications. What worked for a few hours has stopped working. What worked when those meds didn't has also stopped working. Today yet more drugs with different dosages are being tried. Another echo (her 4th) shows that her heart has become slightly enlarged and isn't functioning well. Blood isn't being pumped when and how it is supposed to. Arrhythmia's are all over the place. A few hours can go by with no couplets or triplets and then all of a sudden with no rhyme or reason they rear their ugly heads again.
If they hit on the right combination of meds she will come home with a holter and return in 3-4 days for another echo. No telling when that may happen.
If the heart can't repair itself after the rate is controlled then we are looking at possibly days. That hinges on IF the rate can get controlled.
If the heart can possibly repair itself somewhat we could get up to a year all the while knowing that she could have sudden death at any moment.
They don't know Cami.
I got to visit with Cami about 1/2 hour ago and upon returning home started to read what I was going to post earlier. I decided to start over with this post. The other was coming from a very negative place inside me. Quite possibly from my breaking heart.
This one is from a happier place and there is no need to discuss all the things that have transpired. What is done is done. What matters most is what hopefully is in store for us. This is from my most recent visit.
As the tech was taking me back to the ICU she apologized for the "state of Cami's bedding". Seems the tech had grown tired of having to constantly "re-make" Cami's bed and eventually just gave up. I gave her a little chuckle (one of my first over the past few days) and then apologized to her. Hubby and I created that little monster. She loves to get under the covers and uses her paws to inform (DEMAND) that we lift them up for her. She likes to be covered up! She will no longer EVER hear me in the middle of the night say...."CAM!!! Seriously???"
The tech also mentions that she has a Boxer which makes me feel like a part of a sorority. We have all been there. For some reason Boxer parents always feel the need to inform other Boxer owners that they too are owned by one. She was the third tech to give me such info over the past few days.
THEN.....I see my baby. She is laying on her side...if she were at home I would know for sure that she was sleeping comfortably....BUT....in the kennel area of the hospital I knew she was just fighting to live. Fighting to come home to her family. Fighting to make us happy. Just fighting.
She raised her head and then stood up to greet us as the tech opened the large gate to allow me entry. I know she is my pride and joy so don't fault me for saying just how beautiful she really is. Even as sick as she is with the gray now starting to show on her muzzle, wearing a heart monitor and connected to machines and IV's on both front legs.... she is just as beautiful to me now as she was as that adorable & tiny 7 pound puppy. All I see is HER and all that she is to me.
My heart swells and she sees me. She wiggles that little nub of hers and smiles at mommy. Looks past me for a split second to see her daddy who wasn't there. Attention shifts back to me as I enter her "room".
I sit on the ground with her and hold onto her with all my might. I kiss her and tell her things that are only for her ears. She takes treats from me and makes my smile grow even bigger. There is no seeing possible at this point as my tears of joy at being with her in that moment were coming hard and heavy. Happy tears really says it all sometimes.
She smelled terrible but wonderful at the same time. I couldn't get enough of her. I wanted so hard to just WAKE UP from this nightmare but sadly it wasn't possible. We are in the trenches right now and as long as she continues to hold on I will have her back and front and sides....every thing that she needs.
She has gotten really good at whining over the past few years. Again, another part of her personality that we don't necessarily care for but TODAY it was music to my ears. Never again will I ignore the whine. Never again will I tell her to stop whining. I will go to the ends of the earth to satisfy whatever it is that she is whining about.
She started whining. BEAUTIFUL whining. Cami still has spunk and was telling me that she wanted the hell out of that place. I couldn't bring her home but I could take her outside for some fresh air and to go potty. Even though it was a short venture it was just US. Out in the freezing cold with a light snow falling. Just me and my Doodle Bug.
She didn't want to go back in her "room" and pulled back on the leash. No command that she would normally follow worked and I ended up having to pick her up and carry her inside. Took a peak at her monitor and her rate had spiked up over 50 points from when I first arrived. Not good and I knew that my time with her for that visit would have to come to an end. I cause her too much excitement and when mixed with her frustration at having to be there....well it was better that I cut the visit short soon.
Back inside I sat with her again and she kept trying to push past me to gain her freedom. It was all that I could do to not just take her home at that very second. I decided to give her a few more kisses and hugs and offered up a couple more of her favorite treats.
We play momma and baby bird with certain types of food. She loves popcorn but doesn't get it very often so when she does get it we make it special. I hold on to a piece with my lips and tell her baby bird. She comes and takes it from me ever so gently. Yeah, I am a dork but whatever! Without thinking I put one of HER treats in my mouth and say "baby bird". She turns her head towards me and nose to nose she takes her treat from my mouth.
Leaving her there was a very hard process to get through. As I am closing the door she is pawing at it. Never again will I tell her to stop pawing at doors at home that she wants open just because she wants it open. She never wants in a particular room....she just wants the door open!
She can paw at ANYTHING that she wants any time she wants and I won't say a word. What I will do is grant her request and thank God that she is here to paw at that door. I will thank God that she can whine. I will thank God that she wakes me up at 3am by pawing at the covers. I will thank God that she knows what baby bird means.
I told her to stay and to be a good girl which is what I always tell her before I leave home. This time however she didn't head off to her favorite chair by the window to take a nap while I was away. Instead she looked at me, deep into my soul and asked me why with her eyes. She tilted her head to one side and I told her that I loved her and would be bringing her a surprise later today. Daddy is the surprise but I didn't dare mention that name.
I drove away thinking that if I never saw her again alive that our visit was a good one and she was at least happy with me during the time that we spent together. And then I screamed at the top of my lungs. I beat my steering wheel with my fists. I prayed and I cried. I am still crying. I don't know if I will ever be able to stop crying. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. This has by far caused me the most pain that I have ever felt. I would take her illness on my self in a nano second if I could. At least I would know what was happening to me.
The goal is to get her heart rate controlled with a cocktail of medications. What worked for a few hours has stopped working. What worked when those meds didn't has also stopped working. Today yet more drugs with different dosages are being tried. Another echo (her 4th) shows that her heart has become slightly enlarged and isn't functioning well. Blood isn't being pumped when and how it is supposed to. Arrhythmia's are all over the place. A few hours can go by with no couplets or triplets and then all of a sudden with no rhyme or reason they rear their ugly heads again.
If they hit on the right combination of meds she will come home with a holter and return in 3-4 days for another echo. No telling when that may happen.
If the heart can't repair itself after the rate is controlled then we are looking at possibly days. That hinges on IF the rate can get controlled.
If the heart can possibly repair itself somewhat we could get up to a year all the while knowing that she could have sudden death at any moment.
They don't know Cami.
x19er
Boxer Insane
Oh Susi I've just read all through these posts through tears, I pray with all my might that Cami will be well enough to come home with you soon, I can't imagine the frustration you must be feeling willing your girl to get well. Cami & your family are in my thoughts - stay strong all of you.
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