Need advice about son/girlfriend

[Cami]

while it was disrespectful, how can you call this girl trashy without knowing her? how do you know she wasnt told it was ok? she may have thought his parents were more open than they are.

I agree. The problem lies in the fact that for whatever reason your son assumed that this was ok. Even if he didn't think he was going to get caught he should have known what was and wasn't permitted in your house.

You have no way of knowing what he told this girl, (if anything) and the blame lies on his shoulders. Of course now, your objectivity is tainted towards her and that probably won't change.

Guess the only thing you can do is to make it known how disappointed you are and forbid it from ever happening again. As far as the girl goes....once she hears from him how you feel she probably won't want to make a return trip!

Yet another reason for me not to have kids.

 

[Madison's Mom]

Yet another reason for me not to have kids

I wonder some times why I had them.

Just some clarification. My son knew exactly how I felt about having women spend the night in my home. It has never been allowed nor will it ever. I grew up with a father that held to that line of thinking. Shoot after my divorce, I brought a guy to meet my folks and they right off the bat said you will not sleep together in our home........I was almost 40 years old but I respected him and my mother.

My son told me he told his new girlfriend of a couple of days that it was okay with me. I don't blame the girl because she was given incorrect info. I do blame her for not having a little more common sense and respect for herself to sleep with my son after only one date and in someone elses house.

My son came to me late last night and said he was sorry and he knew what he had done was wrong. In no uncertain terms I told him that it will never be acceptable to sleep with his girlfriends in my home. I told him that I wished to speak with his new girlfriend before she was allowed back into my house. My son and her both have to understand the rules and abide by them. I would prefer to do that face to face so there is no misunderstanding ever again.

Believe me I was no "angel" so to speak but never pulled a stunt like that.

Lord help me but kids make ya old

 

[RonaldMM]

I could write a book on this topic. My youngest is away at College and we went through that when he was 19. The more we tried to keep them apart, the more he defended her and said he was trying to help her. I was at my wits end and finally sought family counseling for myself. The therapist suggested welcoming the girl into our home during family holidays, events, meals, etc. so my son could see through HIS OWN eyes, how she didn't fit in and was using him. It took about a year, but finally they are apart. She on the other hand got engaged within 30 days after my son broke it off. She also got pregnant by the other guy: Whew.............what a relief to have her gone. It was hard to invite her to our home, but it definitely worked out.

 

[Madison's Mom]

All good advice

I'm more than happy to welcome her into my home but it will be under my rules or they can stay out of the house. My son had his last girlfriend for three years and believe me she was not the greatest thing. However, it took Jake to realize it before they ended it. I just rolled with the flow.

Must be something in the air, neither kids want to follow the rules. I feel like I'm more of a babysitter than a Mom. I don't worry so much because I'm a single parent with no help from their Dad because I was always the one that disciplined and set the rules. I'm just to old for two spry kids that are enjoying testing the waters

 

[Emily_7538]

Wow, I am practically amazed at this topic. When I was his age I would have NEVER dreamed of spending the night with my bf! I had the simple rule of no sex before marriage and have never thought of breaking that rule.

But that's just me.

 

[xenaprincess]

Wow, I am practically amazed at this topic. When I was his age I would have NEVER dreamed of spending the night with my bf! I had the simple rule of no sex before marriage and have never thought of breaking that rule.

But that's just me.

I'd be amazed to see that that "simple rule" still exists!! Seriously, kids today are very sexually active and at a much younger age then what we were use to, or what we would prefer. I recently found out (7 months ago) through my ex that my 14yr old son lost his virginity to a 17yr old girl!! :eek: My initial reaction was I freaked out!! Then I cried..then I got serious and sat down and had a very long, akward and detailed chat with him. What else can you do besides hog-tie them and lock them until you feel they're ready for the "real world"? :(

 

[beausmommy]

I'd be amazed to see that that "simple rule" still exists!!

It does for me! I decided when I was a young teenager that I wanted to wait until I was married...and I'm not married...so you know what that means. Yes, I have made mistakes and I'm not perfect but my virginity is the one thing I will be able to give my husband that I didn't give anyone else.

As far as this situation goes, I'm apalled. I would have been mortified to be found in some guy's bed by his mom. Even when my parents were out of town, my boyfriends might have come over but they were never allowed to stay the night because I was too afraid of the consequences if my parents found out. Yes, my boyfriend from college and I did sleep in the same bed from time to time but his parents weren't there and we weren't "sleeping together". I have a very guilty conscience and I can't imagine putting my parents in a situation like that. I agree that you should just tell him that it WILL NOT happen again or he can find somewhere else to live.

 

[Biff]

I find that the girl and him were both very disrepectful!:(

Definitely agree !

I want to tell him the "girl" is no longer welcome in my house.

Definitely disagree ! - Never burn your bridges !


An apology and an assurance that it will NEVER happen again is required from your son.

I'll never forget the time I got out of bed around 2am for the loo, and walked into a STRANGE GIRL in the hallway. What still sticks in my mind is the fact that I was totally embarassed, whilst she chirped "Hi!" totally non-plussed!!!

(OMG - I sound like my mother :eek: )