My husband and I are separating - I need my old friends!

[buddy's_mom_29]

Hi all, I haven't been around lately. Lots going on. My husband and I decided last night to separate. It's been a long time coming, we just both were not happy. We both want different things, he wanting to spend all of his time with his band and work, and me wanting to spend time as a family, doing things, and doing my rescue work. He made me quit fostering awhile back, which still bothers me, and we just don't seem to have much in common anymore. Even though neither of us are happy right now, my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I love him so much, and I know he loves me, why can't we make it work??? I work in divorce law, and here I am having to talk to people who are crying about their separations and divorces, I can't handle it. I welcome tips from anyone who has gone through this. I just feel so lost and sad.

On the up side, I will immediately be fostering again once this separation is done. (And of course, Buddy is staying with me - no question about that!)

Brandi

 

[Louise501]

My husband and I are seperated, I just wanted to say I know what you are going through and I know I have asked myself that very same question but sometimes things don't work out for a variety of reasons. Anyway, good luck to you and I know your fostering will be of a great help to you

 

[sanford7]

(((((hugs))))) We are here for you!!

 

[lafsalot]

Although any loss of a relationship is a painful experience, staying in an unhappy marriage can be emotionally draining too. I hope that you will soon be able to move on with your life, and ultimately realize that you can live without this person, and that happiness, security and love are internal states that are always within you. Good luck ~ Cathy

 

[buddy's_mom_29]

Thanks everybody,

Thank you all for your kind words. I agree, as much as we love each other, why make each other unhappy when we could both be happier apart? In my head, I know we're doing the right thing and will both end up happier, but I can't get my heart to accept that. It keeps telling me there's something we could do. This is going to be the longest day..........I've only told one girl here at work, and everybody keeps asking me what's wrong, but I just turn my head and go back and hide in my office. I have no idea how I am going to get through this day. I just wanna go home and curl up with my Buddy.

 

[kactus]

not having been in your situation i cant say much other than im thinking of you and that it sounds like u did the right thing. if you arent happy- theres no point in staying. i guess sometimes it doesnt work for reasons not known to us. anyway, im a firm believer in there being a reason for everything that happens so take this oppertunity to be strong, proud and independent. Throw yourself into your rescue work (i do when things are hard) and not only will you be serving a great purpose, but you will show yourself what a kind generous selfless person you really are!!! (((((hugs)))))))
kat

 

[Beau's Mommy]

Just because it's the right thing to do doesn't mean it won't hurt. I felt the same way when my ex and I separated. I knew it was the right thing to do for all involved, but it didn't make it any easier. That was one of the most difficult times of my life. On one hand I felt a sense of relief because I had the freedom to find myself, but on the other hand I loved him and didn't know how I would be able to live without him in my life. Of course I had to get it through my head that that was my problem....I defined myself as his wife and didn't know who I was beyond that. And, we have two kids together so he'll never be completely out of my life, therefore, I had to learn how to just be his friend. Once I accepted that, all was well and I was able to move on and discover who I am. I am now happily married to a wonderful man who is able to accept and even encourage my friendship with my ex.

Anyway, I know this is a very painful time for you. Keep yourself busy doing things you love and everything will begin to work itself out. Time and good friends will help ease the pain. Enjoy this time you have for yourself! We're here for you

 

[Linda/NJ]

Hi Brandi! I am sorry to hear about you & your hubby. I can't offer you any advice. Just wanted to say I will keep you in my thoughts and things will get better for you. Surround yourself with friends and family. A (((((big hug)))) to you.

 

[Lola's mum]

Even when you know it's the 'right' thing to do it still hurts. When you have a past with someone it's so final and like a death if you split up.
There is like a mourning period but you will get through it. Your fostering will help occupy you and then you can make yourself a new life with new friends too that aren't connected to you & your hubby (as well as keeping your old ones obviously).

Sending (((hugs))) to you. Onwards and upwards

 

[Austin's Mom]

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry. :(