My Heart is Heavy

[Peggy G]

My heart is so heavy right now I am finding it hard to find joy in anything around me. I went to bed crying and woke up crying. I made myself get away from the television and go to the store. People were walking around like zombies. The silence was deafening. I left.

What frightens me is the terror has not yet begun. The death count, the mourning, the retaliation (war) and the rebuilding of America is still ahead of us. I grieve for those that lost their lives, their families and loved ones. I grieve for our Nation. I feel sick that someone hated us so much that they would strike out at us like this, leaving us no choice but to strike back.

Please pray for our leaders and all those suffering. Hang, with pride, the American Flag outside your homes. Let us come together as one and stand behind our President and our Defense.

God Bless America.

 

[leenasmom]

I feel the same way Peggy. My dad is up in Hagerstown, Maryland, at his parents house, right now awaiting a flight back home. The only emotions I have are sadness/fear at the same time. My next door neighbor is stuck in LA till Friday.

Where in Maryland are you? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[tugger]

Our son lives in New Jersey and his unit was deployed to do search and rescue today. His wife is an RN in a hospital there and only had 3 hours sleep last night tending to patients.
I am just sick about this event. I asked our son last night to please be careful and keep us posted. He sounded so brave and said this is my duty and I am trained to do this and I will be fine. I just lost it after we hung up.
I just returned home from a trip to Japan and I cant tell you how wonderful the Japanes people treated us all.
I was in the World Games in Akita. We won a bronze medal and I cant tell you how proud I was to have the American flag flown in my honor while I stood on the podium. This is a thrill that I will never forget.
It is an honor to be an American! Anyone who has traveled over seas and has met people from other countries will tell you the same. People want to be Americans!
I am afraid for the days to come but being proud Americans we will overcome!

 

[Peggy G]

leenasmom, I live in Crofton Maryland. Thats a little over an hour east of Hagerstown. Im sorry your Dad is stranded but glad he is safe.

tugger, God Bless your son & his wife. They are true Americans.

 

[jicksies]

Echoing my thoughts...

Peggy, your post was so similar to what I have been experiencing here...I too went to bed crying and woke in the night wondering if I had dreamed all of this-a living nightmare for so many...This morning I awoke early and found myself once again riveted to the TV-the tears came again and I knew I had to leave this house for a time...I loaded up all three of my Boxers and drove through the streets of my city, looking at the faces of everyone who passed me...More tears came as I saw flags at half-staff, billboards posted with words of comfort to the victims and their families, and emergency personnel trying to "get on with their day" knowing the devastation taking place in New York and Washington...I cry for so many and struggle with the helplessness I feel. I find myself angry and questioning, then sad and despairing for our country, our world, and the evil that is amidst us. I walked down the aisles of my local grocery store, picking up produce, putting it back, picking it up again, feeling guilty that I have this freedom this very minute to do something so simple as grocery shop when so thousands and thousands of people across this country are suffering in so many different ways...I am drained yet cannot rest, restless yet cannot seem to function or be productive... God bless everyone here...God bless this country, and God bless all those who have only love in their hearts...Jicksies

 

[malinda]

As odd as this may sound, this whole thing didn't hit me until the morning. I mean I watched it on the news yesterday in horror but it didn't really register. This morning on the way to work they played on the radio The Star Spankled Banner and I broke down into tears and have been crying off an on all day.

I am saddened by what happened, all those innocent lives lost. Although I was not personally affected I know people who were. My mom's office had a division on the 98th floor in of the Trade Center Buildings. A co-workers finance mother was suppose to be on flight 11 and luckily did not make it onto that flight, although we didn't know that until late yesterday afternoon.
This seems to have affected everyone in one way or another. Such a horrible tradegy. Yes I am saddened by the deaths of so many but at the same time I'm scared.

I'm scared because at the age of 30 I have never seen a war, and that seems to be the route we are heading in. I do believe justice needs to be done but honestly don't know how it can be done without more innocent lives being lost.

I do know that yesterday changed my life and I'm sure everyone else's life forever. I will never hear the Star Spankle Banner played in the same way I have heard it played all my life. Suddenly the song has a whole new meaning. All those freedoms I have taken for granted, all the security I once felt, it has all changed.

 

[YourFriendDeb]

jicksies, I know exactly what you mean about the Star Spangled Banner. A local radio station here in Cincinnati took the anthem and put sound bytes from the news about the attacks over top of it. Its riveting to listen to, but absolutely haunting.....

There's people crying and screaming "it was unreal, it looked like the end of the world" and as I was driving to work yesterday morning listening to it, it really hit me too.
:(

 

[malinda]

Deb,

I thank you for letting me know I'm not insane, overreacting or anything else for that matter. When I talked to my husband last night he kept saying the Star Spankle Banner is suppose to pull us together, which it is, I'm sure but that song just won't be the same to me from this point on.

 

[Sasha's Mom]

Living in fear?

I echo the sentiments and feelings you all have shared. The whole ordeal has left me feeling very frightened, empty and numb. My heart aches for the loss of our fellow citizens and for the families they have left behind who are grieving so deeply.

Still can't quite control my waterworks and feel like I have been on the verge of, or crying since Tuesday morning when my building (tallest south of Atlanta) was evacuated. I feel fortunate that we were spared, but am deeply saddened (and frightened) to learn that a few of the despicable individuals who were involved in the attack were living in Davie, which is less than 10 miles from my home. To make matters worse, both yesterday and today, the building across the street from my office has had bomb threats which required evacuation. There is a large day care facility in that building and for the second morning in a row, all of the children had to be carted to the lobby of our building for safe keeping. Those precious, innocent faces! It's going to be a long time (if ever) before I will feel completely comfortable working in a high rise building. I know many of my coworkers feel similarly.

Ditto on the emotional songs! In addition to the Star Spangled Banner, the local radio station here is playing a version of Lee Greenwood's "Proud to Be an American" which has portions of President Bush's remarks regarding the attack mixed in with it - gets the tears flowing yet again!

To my fellow boxer lovers outside of the United States who have expressed such warm sentiments of support - THANK YOU - it really helps to know we are not in this alone! To everyone grieving the loss of life as we used to know it and to those of you who lost (or are still missing) loved ones, my heart and prayers are with you.

God be with you all!

Susan
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[malinda]

Another song that I will never hear the same..."Proud to be an American" I was wondering tonight, if I'll ever be able to listen to those songs again without crying.