like everyone else.. i need to vent(sorry long)

[Shanz]

All im asking for is a thank you (vent-sorry kinda long)

ok here i go..

I'm 18 and my bf Rob is 21.. at the time this happened i was 17 and he was 20.

On january 16 2004 my bf and i were in our politics class getting ready to take an exam. I was already in the class and he came in after me and the teacher sat him at the group of tables in the midle of the class diagonally from me. He began writing with a pencil and i tried to signal to him he had to write in pen. His eyes rolled, he put his head on the desk and fell over on the chair and started convulsing. Everything stopped..it seemed like forever but it was only a few seconds. I took off running downstairs screaming for help then i ran into the guidance office and told them they had to call his mom at work. About 10 minutes went by and i could hear sirens and see firetrucks and police and an ambulance through the window...at this time im hysterical. His mom got there and they let her upstairs (they wouldnt let me, the whole school was on lockdown) Finally his mom asked to see me and they let me upstairs. They had the window to the class covered with a sheet and one of the medics opened the door and i saw the defibrillator on the ground and i saw them shocking him. This made me even more hysterical and i started screaming and ran back downstairs. I was then restrained by police (physically i might add as they had me by the wrists with force and werent letting me go anywhere). We got to the hospital and the doctors stuck us in a room and told us they had given him medicine (because his seizures hadnt stopped) to paralyze him and that his heart had stopped and he had to be schocked 7 tmes, but it was the vice principles who saved him because they performed CPR on him until the medics got there. He was in ICU for a week, The first and 2nd nights the doctors didnt think hed make it so they basically told us if we wanted any one to see him, get them there asap because he had no brain activity. They let me see him the first night and i was so terrified because there were tubes in and out of him and he just looked so helpless and it broke my heart. Because i love him so much. The third day the doctors took him off the meds that were paralyzing him and his brain actitivy came back. The thing i need to vent about was that i was there EVERY DAY from 6 in the morniing until midnight EVERY DAY he was in the hospital.. his parents werent *(over 3 weeks...after 1 week in icu he was transferred to the heart institute) i FED him, i worked with him when he was in a coma to get him to wake up. I got him to squeeze my hand.. the first sign of movement he had. When he was in the heart institute i got him to get up and walk around.. even if it was just a 2 minute walk around the ward. the whole time in the hospital his dad never once called him by his name...he called him SON the whole time. And they wondered why he always asked the nurses to see me...not them. and this whole time.. theyve NEVER once THANKED me for everything i did. Ive put myself through hell since then because i know cpr.. ive known cpr for 5 yrs...but i froze and i panicked and im just so lucky the principals knew cpr and saved him. I know its mean to say but I really do hate his parents. They compare him to his brother all the time and hes cried to me numerous times about it. Today he thanked me for eveything i did for him because he switched schools to come to my school. He told me he probably wouldnt have a job if it werent for me...he wouldnt be alive if it werent for me and his parents have NEVER thanked me.

Sorry i just really needed to get that out since ive been bawling all night. It makes me feel so badd because all his life hes wanted to be a cop and join the military and he loves playing hockey Well now he cant be a cop he cant join the military and everytime he plays hockey theres a chance it could happen again...he hasnt graduated high school yet because when he did go back to school everyone stared at him and treated him differently and he ended up dropping out and his parents are pushing so much for him to go to school. I just dont think its fair at all.

 

[Cami]

I think that the only person that you need any validation from is yourself and him. What you did was heroic, he is still in your life, whatever his parents think is irrelavant. Yes, it would have been nice to have them thank you but I am sure that they are handling the situation the best that they know how, however "bad" it may be.
Kudo's to you for sticking by his side. Being a caretaker is tough, you need to give yourself a break.

 

[Vela]

I agree with Cami. Don't let his parents reaction or lack thereof afect you or your relationship with him. When I married my husband we were 19 and 20. His mother told us we would never last 6 moths, well 15 years later here we are. 2 years into our marriage I was having my first baby, when I was 9 months pregnant he had an injury at work and ruptured 2 disks in his back. He had to go in for surgery right away and i had to do everything for him. I had to hold the basin for him to use the bathroom, i had to bathe him, help him change and do everything. His parents came the day of the surgery but I never saw them again once he was out of surgery. Not one person offered to help me, or him (and he has a VERY large family). With both of us out of work and me about ready to deliver we had no income, no support and I never received any kind of acknowledgement from his parents for doing everything for him (I didn't expect any but nonetheless it didn't happen). I do understand how frustrating it can be. His mother has also never apologized for what she said when we first got married either. The only thing you can do is be there for each other and support each other. I know my husband's problem isn't quite as bad but it does limit him in many ways as well. He cannot do a lot of things he would like to or wanted to do because of his back. You two will just have to accept how his parents behave, because you can't change them.
HE apprecites you and you appreciate the fact that he is still here after such a terrible ordeal. That really is all you need to worry about.

 

[RavenGirl]

I know what you mean about the parents thing. Im going through the same thing. I finally had Gary call his mom last night and ask her, she told me she wouldnt thank me because she was upset at the fact that it wasnt her there to help him so it made it hard for her to thank me.

 

[Rlr.Giraffe]

Families can be totally rotten to each other sometimes, and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to solve his family politics. What you can know is that you are an awesome girlfriend; at a very young age you have stuck by someone through something very difficult and life altering when most people would have run away from it. That says a lot about your character... don't worry about whether you meet the potential in-law's standards, you have already proved yourself .

 

[Austin's Mom]

I think that Rob is very lucky to have you. Screw his parents. He shouldn't beat himself up for what he can't do in life, he should focus on being happy that he's still here and what he CAN do. My Grandmother always used to say you can't change the spots on a leopard. You shouldn't count on his parents changing at this point.

 

[Shanz]

thank you guys so much. Your responses made me cry... I havent yet figured out why but I think its because you helped me realize that Im probably not going to get a thank you and i just have to accept it... ignore the things they do that bug me...and move on... even though it has been hard. His dad might get a transfer to Germany if not that then theyre moving away in August.. 7 hrs away so I will have limited contact with them. Dont get me wrong I do want to have some sort of relationship with them, but its been over 2 yrs that weve been together and Ive just never seen eye to eye with them. It seems like the only person in his family that actually appreciates me are his brother and grandmother. Him and I started dating when i was 16 nd he was 19.. his uncle NEVER approved of it..mainly because of the age difference. Hed always make commments about my age and basically make fun of my age all the time.. right in front of me...made me feel like total sh**. So Ive basically alienated myself from his family.. aside form his brother when he visits. As much as I dont want to i feel i have to because our viewpoints on things and they way they treat rob..one day im just going to snap and let them have it. I almost did when his dad hit Cinnamon..bu thats a whole other story.

 

[Poohsmom]

Austins' Mom couldn't have said it better You have your own family now and the only people you need to worry about making happy are you two. My mom always says that someday one of them will need something and guess who they'll come too? My sil don't get along either. My mil passed away just as my dh and I started dating. My fil started dating a really nice lady from church about 6 mos. later. Sil thought it was so wrong, she made the mistake of asking what I thought. I told her as long as Pop was happy and not sitting alone in the house all day long, I thought it was great. She never invites her to any family things and just ignores her completely. Not me, I think she is great and I'm trying to talk them into getting married
You just concentrate on the two of you and your happiness. That's ALL that matters.

Sue and the kids,Pooh,Bownser,Dozer & Cissy

P.S. We all think you're pretty special !!!

 

[Suzysmitt]

The only people who matter here are Rob and you. He needs and appreciates you, and what his parent's think or don't doesn't matter, as I don't how much they ever cared about him. I think it's important for you to encourage to get back in school, or atleast go for his GED. It's important for his future as well as yours. I'm sure kind reassuring words from you would make all the difference to him in making that decision. Let him know how special he is, how proud you are of him, and that you'll support him in his education. I know you can do it, and to heck with his parent.

 

[shannonmac]

I don't blame you for being upset, just don't dwell on it & let it eat you up. by moving on it makes you the bigger person. and the person who matters the most to you knows what a great job you did.