Well we helped Rachel to the Bridge last night....I felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do...She and Leo can run and play to their hearts content now.
I did file a police report, I do not know if it will go anywhere, but it is done.
I would love to feed off rage right now but that is not how i have or (hopefully) will ever live my life. I do not think a person can be truly physically or emotionally healthy if they live with rage or hate in their life. What was done was wrong but every thing happens for a reason and I can understand why the Lord wanted my Babies they were the greatest and maybe, just maybe, he was saving them from something worse in the future. I know some of you will think that this is a passive way to look at things but this is how I live my life. I have a big "make love not war" mentality!
Tanner knows something is wrong and I can tell he is very confused and upset I ache for him when I see that look in his eyes....I am sure that it will be easier as time passes. We had plans to go out of town to visit family this coming weekend but with everything that has transpired we have decided to stay home and have canceled as many of our holiday plans as we can (I still have to remember that I have 4 children and that they have been affected by this as well and it is not always the best to "drop" everything, they have already lost 2 of their siblings I do not feel right "taking" their "routine or normal" Christmas from them, too)! Any out of town trips will be taken with Tanner in attendance, the only reason the Babies weren't with us that weekend is because Leo has Demodectic mange and he always has a flareup when he is stressed and traveling and/or staying out of town was VERY stressful for him....he never even liked to go off our block on his walks...we always just walked around the block 5-10 times so he was comfortable.
I thank you all for your support and prayers. My family and I will get through this in part because of your support. I am sorry this is so long....I have so much to say and I don't know how to put all of it into words. I called my Dr. and got something for my nerves last week and have found that it makes me really talkative (somewhat spacy) but it has helped me with alot of the stress and the emotions of the whole ordeal..I am lucky to have a Dr. that is very attached to his pets and understands how difficult that losing one, much less two, can be. I will keep all of you informed of any police contact I recieve and again, I apologize for the length of this. Thank you all!
