I need help. This is killing me!!

[l8krgirl08]

I am in no way condoning your boyfriends demands and I feel really bad for you, but I also believe that none of us here live in your house and there are two sides to every story. Maybe he's upset about his surgery and is stressed and just sees Buddy as a burden right now. That's where you need to make arrangements for his care so you two CAN have time together. Talk this out and tell him Buddy isn't going anywhere and come to a solution together. I think it's pretty ballsy to demand you get rid of a dog that he brought home as a gift!!! I think you guys can work this out. Good luck!

 

[dasota2]

dasota2

I'm with the rest of the group. Keep your dog!! My boyfriend of 20 years has just gone through cancer treatments also. He get upset very easily and seems to take it out on the dogs(He doesn't hurt them or yell) he just wants to get rid of them. I have had one 10 years it was a present from him and this is the dog that he wants gone the most. (He would go first!) These are our children we have a responsibility to them we cannot just throw them away because it is inconvenient. Tell your BF that you love him but under no circumstances will the dog go. Also like the rest I think you should try maybe a doggie day care or kennel, so you can do the things he wants. But don't give in. More then likely he will. Remember he is under a lot of stress with the cancer but don't let him run you over. Rescues are great my daughter runs one and I have 3 boxers from there that were deemed unadoptable due to anxiety or social skills. This could be your dog, In a rescue for the rest of his life, they are loved, taken care of, vetted, but believe me it is not his home.

 

[Ranvan]

I am agreeing with most posters here. As a guy, I wwould not say that to my wife, but then I am the animal lover so that wouldn't apply.

I can understand him a bit, but if he loves the dog then I am a bit puzzled.

I would say stand firm. No dog should go at a whim. Wait it out. See if he changes his mind. But do not make it an ultimatum confrontation. I believe you can have both your bf and your dog. My gut instinct after reading your posts is that this will blow over.

 

[TossBranAbi]

I think it is hid emotions talking. He is stressed out over the cancer and is probably going through a mid-life-crisis type of thing with the cancer scaring him. The cancer had to be a big shock as he thought it was just a sore and the next thing he knows he has the big C. Talk to him, give him time, he'll come around. I can't say dump him like eveyone else is saying b/c he is going through a lot but if he was acting this way just to be an ass and there was nothing wrong with him then yes, I would say dump him. You have to take his feelings into consideration too, like I said, give it time. I also like the idea of a daycare to give you too the time together you need. Do you have a friend or someone who could take BUddy for a couple of weeks? It would be hard on you but I think it would make your BF see how much of a part Buddy is in your lives and it would also give him a break to be with just you and do what he wants to do. Don't give in but don't be too hard on him, I don't think he is doing it on purpose.

 

[fayebay1969]

Ok everyone, here goes: I don't know if it was my crying, voicing my opinion or the silent treatment but something worked!! Before his surgery this week, we went out and got Buddy a new toy and talked a little. He's been fine since. He had his surgery yesterday and when he got home, Buddy wouldn't leave the bedroom door. I closed it because he was really sick and had a horrible migraine. (They got all of the cancer out btw.) But, they have been great and my bf has been great. I guess the hair that was crossed is gone now, thank God! My stress level was way up there. I want to thank all of you for your support through this last week or so. I don't know why we (I) put up with the stuff I do. All I can say is I do love him.

 

[dharmadoodle]

Oh Faye - I have only just come across this thread & read all the posts.

You poor girl - What a heap of stress!

Your BF will feel a hell of a lot better in himself now, & that should reflect on everyone around him now - Hopefully.

I don't know him, but I would say that his mood came from his worry about the cancer, which is understandable.

You hung in there girlie. Good for you. Buddy remained loyal too - Take note BF.

As for Little Miss 18yr old - Let her be Faye - Stop worrying, she has to make her way now, & mistakes. Don't give over money if she is nasty or rude to you in any way - Let her learn some manners. You installed goodness, & it will shine one day, have faith.

I would like to know what BF does for a living, & if he has any kids of his own, & how old he is?

As for the kennels - It is a good idea to board Buddy on & off (just a day or 2), so that he can get used to going on his little hoildays to this place.

I hope Buddy gets to remain in your life for a long time - It is sooo clear in all your posts on BW just how much you love him - He is your second child - I understand how that is.

Rogue sends ~~~wiggles~~~.

 

[fayebay1969]

Karen, thanks so much for the kind words (as always). My bf doesn't have any kids. He chose not to because he's a state trooper here in TX. He didn't want that knock on the door for a child to be left with, which is ok with me anyway. He's going to be 41 this year. Can it be that he's going through the change early? He's done alot of changing over the last year but still has little spurts here and there.
No sooner you say that about my daughter, as I sit here and stare at a rude text message on my phone from her today. She calls me but has my sister ask me to put a computer in my name but my daughter pay the bill. They wanted an immediate answer so I said no that I needed more time to think about it. OMG you'd think I hit her or something. We got into a shouting match and the whole mess started again. She doesn't care that I'm trying to take care of my bf or how his surgery went. She's just out for herself and if I don't agree or shell out the money, I'm a horrible mother. She's so lucky she's in Louisiana right now. My sister must be instigating some of it because she sided with Heather. I told her if her daughter talked to and treated her that way, would she do it? She admitted she wouldn't. I don't get it. We were taught and I taught her better than what I'm getting. :(

 

[dharmadoodle]

Oh Dear! Sounds like Heather was spoiled as a child!!

Anyone who starts to moan as soon as they're told, 'No', or 'Wait' is spoiled, that's the give-away.

I know - I was a spoiled child too. :o

You would think that she would have out-grown that now, but hissy-fits can take some time to grow out of.

If you're having this now, then I know that you're used to it - I know this is not a first.

Chances are you put that computer in your name, & it will be you that ends up paying it off!!

If your sister's that keen, let her put it in her name - That's what I'd tell my sister.

Heather needs a part-time job like a lot of teens that go to school.

Free riding is over, especially with that attitude.

Don't give in to this one Faye - & I say that only coz of the response you got for thinking about it!! :mad:

Time for Madam to grow up - Time for Mommy to cut the apron strings.

You can do it Faye - Buddy has more respect.

 

[fayebay1969]

No kidding about that! I tell my bf the same thing all the time. I didn't do this to Heather. My sister asked me to let her finish high school in Louisiana and live with her. Stupid me, I let her stay there. Yeah, she got a scholarship to college there but by the hardest. It's hard to discipline your child over the phone. My sister (behind my back) was letting her get away with all kinds of stuff that I'm just now finding out about. Nice how family does that to you. That's why I put it back on my sister. I told her since she put her up to calling me, she can fix it. I was better off that she didn't even call me. I have stopped helping her. She has a part time job waitressing and she's started a full time job at the hardware store. When she starts college in the spring, they will rearrange her schedule but keep her on. I know her spending habits and she thinks a cell phone is a necessity. She learned two weeks ago that I don't care if her bills get paid. (the hard way) They both give me a bad guilt trip (she and my sister). My bf is the one that helps me stay strong against giving in. Believe me, after all she's said and done to me the past few months, I cut the apron strings!! I told her she needs a good old fashioned spanking. But I guess due to her age and the fact that she's bigger than me, it would be considered a beating. Which, I can do that too. My mother would smack me for the stuff she's said here lately!

 

[Diane]

She has a part time job waitressing and she's started a full time job at the hardware store. When she starts college in the spring...

She's working, she has two jobs, be proud of her and she is going to college too - wow, many parents are already jealous!

My mother would smack me for the stuff she's said here lately!

Teenageers will say stuff and make us feel bad, they do grow out of it.

When he works his off-duty job, I have to rearrange my work schedule to stay with Buddy.

I hope he comes to terms with having a Boxer in your home, they are demanding but it sounds like you have a good boy there (good dog I mean not boyfriend, the boyfriend is your choice and I choose to have no opinion as to his 'goodness' or lack thereof).

My bf is the one that helps me stay strong against giving in...

Stay strong against the dog? Your daughter? He may be lovely and he might be the right guy for you but he can move on and make other choices, can your dog, can your daughter? They have only one Mom that they know and love.

Not my life, not my choices, all I know is that I want to look back 20 years from now and think "Yeah, maybe I did get that right. I got that final 'snort' of Boxer love from the dog I loved and a hug from my kid, life's not so bad after all", and I'm not too sad to move on.