I need help. This is killing me!!

[whiteshadow1]

Pointless

IMO Dump his butt for good. You will still have a man in your life(buddy). It sounds to me as tho you both know the relationship is doomed and yet neither of you is willing to walk away from each other becasue you two have come to rely on each other just to be there. I have gone through relationships like this myself and I was broken about breaking up for good but in the end i realized the pointlessness of the relationship. I am now happily engaged to a wonderful woman whom i would never have met if my x and I stayed together. Not to mention that our first furbaby will be here in about two weeks. I cant believe he would ever ask you to dump the dog for him. After six years and the relationship is stagnant I say let him go and keep the dog.

 

[dharmadoodle]

Relationships are never black & white, there are things like - emotions - in the way for a start!

Sometimes what we think is love is really habit. You have to break that one down yourself to see what one is happening for you.

Funny enough, money can come into it when you haven't got any. If you have nowhere to go, or you can't afford rent etc.. However somehow we all do manage to keep our heads above the water line.

People often stay where they are not happy for fear of being alone. We have such a negative view of the word - Alone. There is more to that word then what we first see, dig deeper, it may have a different side.

I agree with what some have already said - If someone loves you, really loves you, they just want you to be happy.

Buddy makes you happy.

Why would someone who really loves you want to take that away from you?

Faye, no one can see through your eyes, or feel your heart beat. I just ask you to search for some logic in your relationship, & go with what your mind tells you what is best for you.

Just remember one thing - You have been with men before this guy right? Well that is the thing to remember - After all if there was life before him, there must be life after!

You can do anything you want to if you put your mind to it.

Licks from Rogue to Buddy. :p

 

[fayebay1969]

Funny enough, money can come into it when you haven't got any. If you have nowhere to go, or you can't afford rent etc.. However somehow we all do manage to keep our heads above the water line.
Why would someone who really loves you want to take that away from you?

First of all let me say that I talked to him a little and he's of the opinion that I won't/don't support his racing that he wants to do next year. I don't have a problem with it until it comes between us.
I've worked a deal with a friend of mine that has an older female boxer (very protective at times). If she will let Buddy in the house and bed without a fight, he can spend nights there so I don't have to leave him at a boarder when both of us are working.
Both my old roommates are married now. (Go figure huh) My only shot at a roommate is overseas in Iraq at the moment.
Other than emotional crap (which is definately bad enough) I'm not abused. He had me put all my credit cards on his so I could pay them off faster and at a considerably lower rate. He doesn't ask me for money so that I can pay it off as quick as possible. So, I have my monthly regular bills, Buddy's stuff and that lump sum payment that I put alot on. It will be paid off in Nov. I pull my weight by doing things around the house, using my truck mostly when we go somewhere and buying groceries. I try not to mess with the t-stat or anything that will jack up the bills because I can't help him right now.
To alot of people, I have it made. (especially to him) But he's changing and I don't feel ok with that. It's all been happening since I first posted this. It was out of left field. He doesn't say "we" anymore. He doesn't include me in the decisions. It's back to his way or the highway again. I know deep down he loves me but for the life of me, I don't know why he changes like this and does his weird stuff.
Until I figure things out, Buddy and I are enjoying the spur of the moment trips to the river and park lately. Could it be a guilty feeling?

 

[dharmadoodle]

I would say that your BF has done a lot of thinking since the word - Cancer - was said to him.

A word like that can seriously make you look at your life, & I think he has done just that.

That could be why you are seeing a change.

He may have thought, 'What if I die, right here, right now? Will I be up in heaven smiling back down at the happy life I had, or will I be kicking myself for all of the stuff I didn't do?' And he may have come to the conclusion that he needs to do stuff.

Sometimes in life we feel that we need to be selfish for a change to get the results we want.

Well you're certainly doing a lot of organising with Buddy. I hope it all works out for the best. Buddy's big birthday is coming up soon. :D

 

[fayebay1969]

Yes. His birthday cake is already planned but I don't know what toy to get him. He's got everything and still likes plain old water bottles. And he just got a fresh bone so I'm currently at a loss for ideas. Hey, a new pillow could work. His is really worn out.
As far as my bf, maybe you're right. It may be the cancer thing or just reliving his younger years. He used to race a long time ago. He is already selfish in ways and mellowed since I moved back in. But recently, he's going back to his old ways and finding new ones that aren't up for discussion. :(
I still wonder if he's going through a deeper phase.

 

[dharmadoodle]

likes plain old water bottles.

Rogue loves water bottles too.

So, a crate of water bottles it is then. :D

 

[fayebay1969]

That and a pillow. What odd birthday gifts! Did you see his swimming pic from the park? I think a trip on his birthday would be good too.

 

[catcrazy56]

Glad to see things are better I hope Buddy has a great Birthday!!!

You guys have gone through quite alot lateley and alot of people have offered their opionions including me I know from personal experience that situations like cancer and death have a big play in changing a persons perspective in life, especially men, I truly believe that professional help is needed to be seeked even if they tell you that you are coping well to reassure you and of course we tend to take out our emotions on those closet to us. If you wish to continue working on things could you talk so someone?

I hope everything turns out great!!!

 

[Darbysmom1]

I agree with the other posts that if you get rid of the dog you will always feel bitter about it. It is your choice and it is a really hard one but a dog walker/sitter are really great my guys wont eat if boarded I have never tried but I know them. Cami wont eat at shows so I feed her extra before and after to make up for it. I have them come into the house the dogs know them. They are people who love love love dogs!!! You may even be able to find a boxer crazy one and they know how silly they can be. If there is no way you can keep him I will tell you a rescue can find a great home for him. When I started working with the rescue I was so surprise at how quickly and well they place dogs. These people are inspected, investigated and interviewed just to get the chance to meet the foster family and our rescue then lets the foster family have the choice of saying no not a good fit. We get some pretty un worked with dogs and all the foster families have experience with dogs and know how to work with them and help them with their problems. I do advice you to really try to work it out in your home first though. As easy as we try to make it switching families and homes is as you can guess a horrible stressful thing for anyone encluding our fur babies. I am so sorry you have to be in this position just really think it through before you make a decision you may regret for a long time!

 

[Darbysmom1]

Happy Birthday Buddy

I feel like a goof ball I was reading and reading the posts and then I got distracted and came back and thought it was the end... I am so glad things worked out!!!! Happy birthday Buddy........ I think a water bottle sounds great my kids love them!