I disowned my brother (Vent)

[momstaxi]

I'm sorry you have to go through all this. When it rains it pours. As for your brother i think you are right to avoid him for the time being. If/when he grows up and starts to take responsibilty for himself maybe you can get together again, but for now make him stand on his own 2 feet and keep your distance. I agree with the others, explain to the judge what happened and hopefully he will be understanding...Good luck
Michele

 

[Elyse]

Colly, so sorry you are going through all this all at once. Being an only child, I really don't know what it is like to have siblings but it seems that you do need a break from taking care of your brother cause it is wearing you down. He is still your brother and you can be his friend but you need to stop bailing him out and learn from his actions or he will never grow up.

Hang in there and start celebrating a bit early. Happy "week before your birthday." Feel good!!!!

 

[jray]

Colly I don't know what to say. I have no experience in this. Fortunatly our family is very close. I hope things work out. I agree that maybe you should step back and let him fall. He needs to feel that. I know it's hard but you need to take care of yourself. He is 28 and an adult. You are 23 and to young to be taking care of him!!!

 

[Kosmo's Mom]

Sorry so long, guess I needed to vent too!!

Colly,
I am so sorry that you are going thru this with your brother.
I can kind of relate.
I have a sister that in the last year has managed to:
Have the dept of social services called on her for hitting her oldest child. Shortly after she got arrested for domestic assault of her BF, after which they split. He was no prize so no loss, IMO.
She has 3 children. The oldest is from a prev. relationship & the 2 younger are from the now ex-BF.
Because of the arrest she lost custody of her oldest child & that childs dad lives across the country & she has no money for airfare so she hasn't seen that child in over 6 months & when she does talks to the child on the phone she says bad things about the dad & his family.
A few months back she lost custody of her 2 younger children. She calls all the time to complain with the "poor me" routine and asks for money. She has had quite a history of irresponsibility but always managed to lie her way out of it but this time it hasn't worked.
I used to help her hoping she would try to help herself but I soon realized until she can take responsibilty for her actions nothing will change. In her eyes she is the victim & everything that happens to her is someone elses fault, not hers.
I hope your brother comes around & realizes what a good family he has. Good Luck

 

[rottenroxy]

Geez, Colly, that's just crazy! I wish I had something great to say that would make you feel better. It sounds like you're a sane person caught up in your brother's insane world. I know that when you love someone, you always want to be there for them and help them the best that you can. However, that being said, it really sounds like your brother needs some tough love. Like you said, he's never going to change or grow up until everyone stops bailing him out. Why would he? If you have to completely cut him off in order to keep from enabling him anymore, then I think you're doing the right thing. I'm really sorry you've had such a crappy week. When it rains, it pours, huh? Just get through it one day at a time and feel free to vent, whenever.

 

[Deb H]

Hang in there!

Colly
I think you need to start taking care of YOU! Let your adult brother fend for himself. You are not responsible for him, only yourself. It is a hard thing to do to just take care of you but you desire it. It sounds like you are a loving caring person, so now love and care for yourself. That means if you are in an unhealthy situation take yourself out of it. Do something everyday just for you, something you like. A bubble bath, listen to your favorite music, snuggle with your boxer. It doesn't have to take a lot of time but it is important. My husbands brother sounds like your brother, except his is over 50. My dh worries about him and wants so bad to have a 'brother' relationship and it just isn't going to happen. Please don't waste your time, if he want to grow up you will know and then you can have an adult relationship with him. You are not his mother or his caretaker. Tough love isn't easy but it sometimes necessary. I wish you luck and I will be praying for you.
Deb

 

[NFBoxerMom]

Colly,

So sorry to hear about all your hardship...having family stab you in the back has to be the worst feeling in the world. I sincerely wish that you get through this ok, and that your brother eventually sees the error of his ways.

Cheers & warm wishes & happy vibes to you

Lori & the boxer crew

 

[Chewy's Mom]

Wow, you've really been through it with your brother. Personally, I would still talk to your brother, but would NEVER help him with another thing - even if he *really* needed the help. People don't grow up unless they have to, and why should your brother grow up if everyone around him gives into his mooching? I also would never trust him again with anything important. Love him, and talk to him, but from now on he gets ZERO from you. And no indirect help either - so if he borrows from your dad, your dad cannot borrow from you. It's not your job to take care of the other able-bodied adults in your family. ((((hugs))))