Goodbye Little Maddy - how could I have saved you?!?!

[mbailey42]

I know it's a rhetorical question, but my little Maddy dog of 11.5 years passed while I was in the shower getting ready for work (July 28); I feel like I could have prevented the inevitable. As she has had a heart condition since she was born and was not expected to live past 6 years, I feel more than lucky to have had her for 11.5. However, I was not there for her.

Over the past few years, she has had repeated seizures, but I think I have always been there for them and held her in my arms until she was fine. This time I was not. She was excellent in the park that morning with my other boxer, playing in the sprinklers and romping with her friends. All was good, we came home and everyone had breakfast. I didn't think twice about jumping in the shower to get ready for work, but I should have know something was wrong when Roman, my boy came into bathroom and tangled himself in the shower curtain and was clearly acting strange.

When I got out of the shower, I found Maddy, the angel puppy, dead; clearly from one of her seizures that she didn't recover from. Would she have, had I been there? How does one live with this question?! I love her and miss her so, she was my first dog and the best little wiggly boxer ever.

Poor Roman, 5 yrs, misses her as much as I do. I try to make every day for him a new beginning, but she was the original. He has never had a day without her. I love her and miss her more than anything. I just hope I didn't let her down. Has anyone else felt this guilt and sorrow?

Thanks in advance for your understanding.

 

[DyckDogs]

Tears.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Do not feel guilty. You were always there for Maddy and she was very loved and cared for. Unfortunately we cannot be with them 100% of the time.
No matter how or when they leave us for the bridge, we all feel some guilt and wonder if we could have done more.
Your baby Maddy was greeted at the bridge by many beautiful boxer babies who will carry on loving her until you meet up again.
My thoughts go out to you during this difficult time.
Godspeed sweet angel Maddy.

 

[Gatorblu]

I am so sorry for your loss! When I lost my first baby girl, I was on a cruise. One thing my mother told me was that sometimes our animals know that it is their time and sometimes they choose to go without us there, to save us the pain of watching and feeling helpless. I am choosing to believe this.

 

[Lisa H]

Unfortunately it was Maddy's tome to go. I belive that it was meant to happen that way. You are fortunate that you had 11.5 wonderful years with her and no matter what, you will always have wonderful memories. She knows how much she was loved. You are in our thoughts.

Lisa and Justice

 

[Althea]

Oh, I'm so sorry to read of your loss. You cannot plague yourself with that question. Believe me -- I felt terrible that Cairo's last night was on the kitchen floor (she's been throwing up, a common thing for her) rather than her favorite chair. That my husband was the only one who heard her wimpers, and not me. That I couldn't give her a better place to leave me than the cold metal of the emergency vet office.

But you know what? I gave her 7 years of everything I had in me. I loved that dog and cherished every day we had together. She was adored, and she knew it. THAT is what you gave your Maddie. And she knew it. Don't discount that, and know that she knew you loved her.

 

[caruse]

Sooo sorry!!! Try to not feel guilty as you really didn't do anything wrong:(...so easy to say but we always tend to put the blame on ourselves...You gave her the best 11.5 years she could possibly have hoped to have and right up until the end with her morning trip to the park and a good breakfast, it all showed her how much she was loved by you...I know you have a heavy heart right now and it hurts so bad..but as time goes on all those good memories of her life, the way she looked at you and the kisses she gave will warm your heart and make you smile take care and lots of (((((hugs to you)))))
Barbara

 

[mbailey42]

Thank You!

Thank you so much for all your valuable and wonderful answers to my post! I think I knew the answer, but it was so good to hear it from you all I am doing my best to make every day a new adventure for Roman and a new day for me to appreciate how Maddy made the best of every day she had. I don't think her glass was ever half empty. Roman is a little more emotional! He needs hand holding!

We are trooping on, Maddy will forever be the the original, the best; so in-tune to me like no other dog. My job now, is to let Roman find out who he is, and discover what we can do together, post Maddy. It's a whole new world! More stories to come, I hope!

 

[Independence]

I hope your heart heals soon. May your good memories be a comfort to you. Give Roman a big ole hug and kiss every time you feel sad.

Know you are not alone in your grief.

 

[RoxiesEcho]

It's so, so easy to feel guilty when they pass. I know that I will forever hold a tiny tinge of doubt for the 2 that I have had to help to the bridge. But Maddy knows that you loved her and would do anything you could for her. It was just her time to join the rest of our babies over the rainbow. I'm sure that she is watching over you now.

Run free sweet Maddy

 

[GDOGS1]

So sorry for your loss of Maddy,will keep you in our thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time,run forever free sweet Maddy and Godspeed.