Frustrated with the boyfriend (long - just need to vent)

[Marybeth18]

Well, I thought I'd post an update. I haven't spoken to the BF (or shall I say ex) since Feb. 18. He asked me to try and make it work and I just couldn't. I knew in my heart of hearts that the relationship just wasn't a healthy one. He said that he can't be friends with me right now, that it hurts too much so we haven't spoken.

The good news is that I'm ok. I wish him the best and hope he's doing well. My life has been busy with the kids, my job, work on the house and (drumroll, please.....) Albert! I brought home a rescue almost 2 weeks ago. I was going to wait until Spring but it just worked out!

So anyway, to everyone who wished me well and offered up their support - thank you! I will be ok and I will not settle. One day I will find the right person.

 

[Elyse]

You sound like you are really doing great. Now that you have a new man in your life, Albert, you have no time to be sad . Nothing like a furry little man to make it all better.

 

[EvelineS]

I think Elyse is completely right!
So now you have Daisy and Albert? They get along?
It's really sorry about the relationship but if it doesnt work, it doenst work,
its a waste of time to keep going further and further into ... nothing really
And most important are your children , the way your children are
against your boyfriend, its not that they rule your love life, but its definitely
one of the most important facts you have to take into account.

I thougth that were really nice ideas, like having your boyfriend have a
second crate at his house for your dog, how sweet, now I want that too :D

Anyway, all the best with Albert and everything else you'll do great
you sound like a woman who knows her opinion and who knows what she
wants!

 

[Anna Begins]

Congrads on the new addition

I think my mouthiness has come from years of biting my tongue with my ex!No More!...Good Luck...hope it gets better for you!

Gosh- I totally hear that. I am in the middle of a divorce and we've been on and off again for 3 years (hence, being in the middle of a divorce). However, it is over this time. I've had it. He does the samething- Oh I'll change, I love you so much, it's getting better, etc- when it is so clearly NOT getting better. And I'll trust him and it's just more of the same. The thing is- it's like he's living in la la land- thinking we're closer now than ever, blah blah. I'm like, I'll tell you how much better it is- I FEEL NOTHING for you anymore. And he's like, ok, I won't call anymore. And then DOES!
Anyway, I guess that's what I', trying to say- advice my best friend gave me- it's nice to hope for change, but all you can count on is more of the same. It is so true. People don't change to fit into the mold we want- it's all just compromise- you have to decide if it's too much compromise or not. Are you sacraficing too much? As I look back now, I just think of how I've wasted the last 3 years.
After living by myself for 3 years and the first time in my life, my standards are now way high- I've accomplished so much since he melted down and kicked me out 3 years ago. He's gone down and I've gone up. I even moved 65 miles away (and getting a dog was one of the 3 things that divided us). And the next guy (if there is one that is satisfactory :D) will have no say in Luka's training or behavior. Sorry, he's my dog, not yours and he was here before you.
Didn't mean to write so much!
BTW- about the living together thing- as we've tried over and over to patch things up, I've realized in the last year, I could never live with him again. There is just no way. And that's kind of sad, now that I think about it. That's the progress of a relationship, right?

 

[basak]

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone:D

there is always sunshine after the rain

basak

 

[Marybeth18]

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone:D

there is always sunshine after the rain

basak

Basak,

I second that! I think such a big problem for some women (me, specifically) is a fear of being alone. What will happen? When will meet someone? Will I ever meet someone?
I think it finally hit me - I need to be alone. When it happens it happens. Until then, I have my kids and my pups.

Cheers ladies!! To us

 

[grvgrl]

hello?

Marybeth???? I just saw you live in Hartsdale! You repsonded to a post almost a year ago that you live like 30 min south of me! Please email me at
E-mail removed by Moderator: Read the Rules. Maybe we can get our boxers together!


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[courtney323]

grvgrl -

You have broken the Rules several times today. Once more, and you will be removed from the site and your membership deleted.

 

[dave42]

I've been dating my BF for 5.5 years. It's been mostly a rocky road and there were many times we almost ended the relationship. We are both divorced, 2 kids each, both primary caregivers who have our kids during the week.

Anyway, early this summer, he decided that he was madly in love with me and has been crazy all of these years for not appreciating me more. Sweet, right? We had a great summer, mushy and in love but then reality slowly comes back into play.

We do not live together (I don't think we ever could although he says we will when the kids grow up) and see each other mostly on weekends.

There are a lot of differences between us - our age (15 years), our kids are like night and day and our feelings about dogs - which prompted me to start this thread this morning! I can usually just laugh things off but he drives me crazy! I made the mistake this morning of mentioning that Daisy was lazy this morning and didn't eat her breakfast. "Well, she shouldn't eat twice a day, she poops too much, she's spoiled rotten....blah blah blah....dogs are barnyard animals, your relationship with that dog is weird....etc etc."

You know, I love him but at the same time sometimes I really can't stand him! He told me that I've become one of those crazy dog people since I got her. You know what, since I got her (one year ago yesterday!) I feel so much more complete!

Sorry to go on and on. He does have his positive points. I just need to complain to people I know will understand.

I don't mean to pry, but how old are you and how old is he? A fifteen year age difference is quite significant. Not to be negative whatsoever, but I think it might be a good idea to start to evaulate your relationship. Life is way too short to put up with the BS that gets handed to us on a daily basis. You made it obvious that he criticizes your relationship with your dog. I'm sure he knows how you feel about your dog and for him to say such things is disrespectful. Respect is the essence of a good relationship. Along with a couple of other attributes but they don't appear to be violated based on what I've read. When a man respects you, he fully respects you. Its binary. Yes he does, or no he doesn't. You might want to bring this to his attention because no relationship is worth being consistantly tormented.

 

[Marybeth18]

Hi Dave,

I ended it with him back in February I am 34 and he is 49. I had a moment of intense clarity one day and realized that yes, life is too short for this sh-- and I finally ended it with him - for good.

He has tried many little things and tactics to see me again. The latest was an email on Mother's Day - he wrote it from his dog to me. He knew that would tug at my heartstrings. He told me how much Ginger missed her mommy (me) and playing with Daisy. He asked me to bring Daisy over to play (he would not be there). I told him no thank you. I miss Ginger and I hope she is well but I am such a happier person now. The next man that enters my life must love and respect not only me but my kids and my puppies!!!

Thanks for your concern!