Wife giving up on him! Please help!

[Jankind]

Hi all,
So I'm sitting here, right now, looking at websites for Boxer rescues in my area and I thought to myself, this isn't the answer. I knew I needed to come here first.

We've had Barkley for almost two years and he is a wonderful , loving, gentle, great dog. But he IS a dog and after all this time, much to my dismay, I'm beginning to admit to myself that my wife is NOT a dog person. I thought she would fall in love him immediately, or at least over time. But this isn't happening and her issues with the dog are causing tension for us.

I'm sure there are people out there who have struggled to convince a spouse to give his or her heart to a dog and faced the same problems. All I need is a little advice. I wish I knew what to say to her to see him for who he is rather than a source for her stress and aggravation. He really is a good boy.

 

[Murp.mm]

Ah, I wish I knew what to say. It sounds like Barkley is a wonderful boxer. I guess some people are just not dog lovers. My husband was never a big dog lover but always liked them in his own way - THAT IS - until Ms. Ali stole his heart. Now she is his pride and joy. Maybe when it comes to push or shove she will change her mind. Lots of people will say they don't want a dog but when it comes to giving them up they find out they really do care about the dog more than they thought. I hope that is the case with you guys but if not finding Barkley a good home would be the best option (in my opinion).

 

[jazzyboxer]

My husband sounds a little like your wife in that respect...Hoss especially has tested him in too many ways, but we've turned a corner.

The good news is that when our silly, goofy Hoss turned 2 (I see Barkley is about to have a birthday), around that time he really settled in and became calmer and more trustworthy in the house, etc. We like to say he got a brain for his birthday

Maybe if you can hang in there a couple of months, things may improve?

 

[StormiesMom]

Maybe if you could pin point what it is she doesn't like about him. Is it his behavior? Perhaps she could take him to a training class with you, or even on her own. Seeing him become a "well trained" dog, and having that one-on-one with her (where he learns to trust and pay attention to her more), could be the key to bonding their relationship. Just a thought, though I don't even know if it is behavior related or what.

 

[Jankind]

Thanks all, well you know, it's not even behavior related exactly.
He is a wonderful dog and is pretty well behaved. It's just him being a dog and doing dog things. (And testing her patience sometimes)... He isn't a barker, isn't a biter, is amazing with the babies! ANd she sees that, believe me.
She ahd a dream the other day where he got hurt and she said it was awful and realized how much she would miss him...but he still gets on her last nerve and sets her off sometimes... We'll have a talk and it will all be fine again I think really I just needed to vent and here from people on here. This is such a supportive and helpful group. Thanks again!

 

[EAO76]

I agree about the birthday thing. Somewhere between age 2 & 3 there is a pretty noticeable difference. Since you didn’t specifically say what the problem is it’s hard to give tips but something to keep in mind is that boxers are much easier to deal with when they are getting plenty of exercise. Maybe you could make more of an effort to tire Barkley out so when he’s alone with your wife he isn’t a pest.

I also have to mention that I’m a little disappointed that your wife would put you through this knowing how much you love the dog. Was the decision to get him both of yours or did you surprise her?

 

[WeasleRocky]

best of luck to all of you... I sure hope things turn around for all 3 of you...

hang in there...!!!

sending doggy loving vibes to your wifey-poo...

 

[catcrazy56]

I would just lake nature take its course and in time I sure she will love him when he matures some more.

 

[billbgh]

Since you solicited for advice, you shall receive. Maybe your wife is jealous of the dog. It is obvious that you adore the dog, maybe she feels like you love the dog more than her. You say he is good with the babies, maybe she is stressed out with her life in being a mother and wife(it ain't easy some days). Make her a priority, do something nice for her, send her on a spa day, something! Let her know that you are happy to see her as much, no, more than the dog. She just needs to see your love for your dog is deep but that your love for her is deeper. In all honesty, it is easier to love the dog than the spouse or children sometimes. I will apologize in advance if this reply has offended you, it is not my intention. I just want to see you all happy, with the dog included. If this doesn't work, just remember your wife comes first, but let her know that you do love the dog too. Best of luck my friend.

Erin
Apollo & Rocky's mom

 

[jontiff]

You said Barkley is good with the babies? Do you have children, and if so, what are their ages. Also, does your wife stay at home or work outside the home?

I only ask this because we had two dogs before we had two children (a Basset and Shar-pei). When my children were born (I really hate to admit this now) I quickly began to despise the dogs. I don't know what happened but after having my "real" babies I just didn't feel the same about the dogs and it was just one more thing to take care of by myself. I also couldn't stand seeing any type of dog hair get on my baby boys.

The good news is that not only did I outgrow this feeling when my boys got a little older and more independent - hence I didn't have to do EVERYTHING for them. But my love for my dogs came back with avengeance.

We added two new pups this past year to the family and they had the opposite affect - they brought us all closer together. Even my husband who also isn't terrifically fond of the dogs either has come around a bit. My boys are now only 5 & 8 but the perfect age for puppies/dogs.

Well if you don't have children this is probably really boring and I would give the exact same advice as STORMIESMOM- it worked for my old neighbor who was in the exact same situation. The wife wanted a cat the dad a dog. They got a staffordshire terrier (wow-what a powerful dog) and the wife couldn't stand the dog. The wife took training classes with their dog and the wife has come around A LOT.

I wouldn't give Barkley up until you have exhausted all other means. Like someone else suggested, find out what it is about the dog your wife doesn't like and try to rectify it (you can both make compromises).