We Think We've Done All We Can Do

[Hannahmack]

I'm looking for some advice here. We really think we've done all we can do with our 2 year old boy, and we're at the end of the line. We think we're going to have to rehome him and we're not sure how to approach the breeder.

He's a 'nice' boy, but quite honesly we really don't like him very much. He's simply worn us out. I really don't know how everyone here loves their boxers so much. We're wonering what's wrong with us? What's wrong with him? We've been through 3 levels of obedience with him, working at least 1 hour/day with him since he was 10 weeks old. He's walked 1-2 hours per night, I run with him 5kim 3xweek and it's still not enough for him. He's constantly pacing in the house, standing in front of us crying, whining, growling and trying to get our attention. We're quite happy to pet him, and have him be part of our family, but it's not enough for him. He wants to rough house, and box, and run around like an idiot getting into garbage, our daughter's toys, the toilet, and quite frankly anything he can get his mouth on. When we give him his command to "drop it" or "leave it" he listens, but he's sneaky and does whatever he can get away with behnind our backs. We honeslty never imagined that, after all the work we put into him, we would end up with such a troubled dog. At 2 years old he's still in a crate, and can't be trusted for 5 minutes alone!!

Is this typical boxer behavior, or do we have a bad one? Seriously, after all the exercise and training and brain stimulation we give him, should he not be able to sit still for an evening and just be part of the family and not annoy everyone so much, or is this what they all do? I can't imagine this is true, or no one would every want a boxer!!

The problem is, the breeder is a neighbour of ours and we've become friendly with them. We're very nervous about offending them and ruining our relationship with them over this. We do want a dog, and we will get another breed, and it's just going to be very akward and difficult. Any suggestions on how to handle this? We have spoken to her in the past and have been assured that he will calm down, and that we're doing everything right. We just don't know how to tell her that we're unwilling to do anymore. We're burnt out. It's causing such stress in our family and we just can't do it anymore.

Suggestions please!

 

[ehayes21]

You sound like you're describing Rowdy a year ago! Seriously I thought I was going to lose with him at that age and then one day he just snapped out of it and all the training paid off.
Your dog is not troubled, he just needs more stimulation. Exercise does not always tire the mind. While Rowdy has calmed down quite a bit, I always have something for him to do...interactive toys, games that require thinking, stuff kongs, etc...
All that said, maybe he isn't right for your family and you need to be honest and tell the breeder just that. A reputable breeder will usually require that you give the dog back in the event that you cannot keep him. I know that's in both of my contracts for my two dogs.
If you bought from a BYB, you might as well look for a boxer rescue in your area.

 

[Just-A-Clown]

Don't blame the breed, or even your boy. Please don't take this wrong, but you are the problem not the dog.

Granted Boxers are high energy dogs and they take several years to really 'Grow Up". But, it's up to you and the rest of the family to set boundaries and establish what is acceptable behavior. It's not all about obedience training, although that goes a long way. Training your dog to sit, stay, come, lay down is all good stuff and gives you something to build on. Your problems are all fixable, and you sound like the kind of person who has already given lots of energy to making your boy be the best he can be.

Good starting point would be to learn about NILIF training, just google it or there's lots of info on this site as well. This is not about sit or stay, but more about establishing who's running the show, which helps you set boundaries.

Another good option would be to bring in a behaviorists that can come to your home and witness how you and the family interact with your dog. The information you gain here can be invaluable and worth the expense.

So don't give up on your boy, he still can be that great dog you invisioned with some work.

 

[ELubas]

He's a 'nice' boy, but quite honesly we really don't like him very much.
Suggestions please!

Then try to find him a better home. It is not the breed for everyone, though I wonder how much you researched the breed as he sounds like the typical boxer to me. Most are nowhere near calm until they are at least three years old. My girl is VERY high energy but at three has a very strict schedule and that is how she learned to settle. They need routine and consistency. I would not worry about your "reputation", whatever you mean by that, if the breeder is responsible and willing to take this dog back that is the best solution. All the rescues are overrun with adolescent boxers that are rehomed because they are "wild". This boy deserves a family who will love him and you deserve a dog you can love in return-just do your homework this time

 

[Hannahmack]

Then try to find him a better home. It is not the breed for everyone, though I wonder how much you researched the breed as he sounds like the typical boxer to me. Most are nowhere near calm until they are at least three years old. My girl is VERY high energy but at three has a very strict schedule and that is how she learned to settle. They need routine and consistency. I would not worry about your "reputation", whatever you mean by that, if the breeder is responsible and willing to take this dog back that is the best solution. All the rescues are overrun with adolescent boxers that are rehomed because they are "wild". This boy deserves a family who will love him and you deserve a dog you can love in return-just do your homework this time

I think if you re-read my post, I didn't mention anything about my "reputation". Perhaps you misread the word "relationship"?? And we did research the breed quite extensively, but nowhere did we read anything like I'm describing - maybe I'm not doing a very good job at explaining how obnoxious he really is, or maybe that's just want some people want in a breed?? I'm not sure, but I also know that anyone who comes over to our home literally can't stand him (fellow boxer owners included). If all boxers behaved like this, there is no way anyone would want one. You are right, I do believe it's not the breed for us.

He's not from a BYB. Infact both parents and canadian and american champions. We do have a contract to return to breeder if we can't keep him. I was just wondeirng how to approach them since we're now friends and It's very uncomfortable.

We do practice NILF. Before he gets anything - food, walks, a pat etc. he has to sit or down. Believe me, we're not new at this!! We've had dogs for the past 20 years - bulldogs, bullmastiffs, labs, sheppards, and rotties. Some high energy, some very stubborn, but nothing like him!! We've worked with him since day one, with the best trainers and facilities around. Belive me, we've spent thousands of dollars and lots of sweat and tears trying to work through this, so please do not accuse us of not trying and not understanding what we've got here. I suppose it's not what we bargained for, but no boxer owner we've spoken to has ever admitted that their dog was this bad. Why are people not honest if this is the way they all are?? I can't believe that is the way they all are!!

Do your dogs constantly whine and cry even after and hour of training, and a 1 hour walk? Do they constantly look for and get into trouble? Are they confined to their crate even at 2 years old after nearly 2 years of training? Honestly?? Are they really all this horrible? Am I to really believe that I have a typical boxer? Come on?

I came to this board for advice and help, not to be jumped on and accused of being a nieve idiot and not doing my research. Honestly, no one I ever spoke with about boxers said it would be this time consuming and unrewarding for such a long period of time. We wanted a dog to be part of our lives, not for our dog to be the center of our lives, and at the root of all evil.

If anyone has anything constructive to say, I am open to hear it.

 

[SweetCody]

It sounds to me as if you are at your wits ends. I don't know whether I have any sound advice except that my boy drove us absolutely crazy for the longest time and then he finally settled down. Now during that "crazy time" we received lots of joy and wonderful times from him. I never once said that I did not like him because we did get positive time with him. It sounds to me that you may be past the point of ever building a good relationship with this pup, to much resentment. I would be frank and honest with the breeders. I think they will retain more respect for you for your honesty than anything else. Simply state that you have burned out, that you just don't think that you can offer him anything else. If they truly love and respect the breed than they will for sure want to put the pup in an environment that he will continue to grow in. Maybe you were only meant to put the starting touches on him, which it sounds to me that you have tried your best. So my advice is to just be honest, if they decide not to like you anymore than that is something you will have to live with. It would still be the best thing for your family and for this dog. Good luck.

 

[ELubas]

I think you're being a little defensive. They are all different. Up until the day I lost my sweet boy he was crated-if I left him out he opened the cupboards and made himself lunch My girl now has no interest in messing up the house but is a bully, or worse, with every strange dog she meets. And she howls-after two hour hikes, obedience class, whatever-she howls like a wolf most nights My last girl, sweet Ailis, would shake with fear if anyone came to visit. I have a friend whose Boxer ate every piece of paper in the house that he could get (including books) until the day he passed at 13 years. They are mischevious, curious, and at times, destructive little stinkers. They need tons of training, exercise, discipline, and attention. And no dog will ever be more devoted to you. Never said you were not giving your boy all that just saying even that may not be enough-he may need more. But eventually with your help he would settle. You want to believe he is "one of a kind" and all I am saying is he is just a particularly high strung boxer. If you do not want to hear that folks think you can work this out then just ask the breeder to take him back. If you are friends I would think it would make it much easier. Surely they are concerned that thier stock has turned out this way? Are the siblings this way? So many dogs end up in rescue that I just do not see why you do not just take the dog back to your friend if you no longer wish to keep him. I wish all dogs had that opportunity to be safe. Good luck to you

 

[TwoDogs]

Firstly, I just want to let you know how commendable you efforts have been up to this point. You have already committed to and done much more than alot of people would have done. The obedience classes, home training, exercise, and the fact that you are on here looking for more help show that you care. Don't feel bad about not liking your dog anymore. And don't let people beat you up about it either--they aren't in your shoes. It is perfectly natural and understandable that you feel resentment or anger or dislike toward your dog. You are frustrated and exhausted from all that you have been doing. Sometimes certain dogs and certain families are just not a good match. If you don't think you can give this dog what it needs, don't feel bad about it. It's not for lack of trying, it's not because you aren't good owners, it's just because you can't. I think that dumping a dog without trying is a crime. REHOMING a dog for its good and the good of your family after you've exhausted every avenue is NOT a crime and in my opinion is sometimes the more responsible thing to do.

You are absolutely right, your dog should be able to just "chill out" with the family at the end of the day. It's entirely possible he could have a behavioral problem, not just problem behaviors. Before you do rehome him, I offer the following suggestion. Contact a really good dog behaviorist in your area. Not just a trainer that deals with behavior problems, but a real behaviorist, preferably one that has seen a number of Boxers and/or other bully-type breeds. A veterinary behaviorist would be the best bet because they come at a problem from both a behavioral as well as physiological view. It may turn out that medication in combination with a comprehensive behavior plan will help your dog. Once you've gotten a solid behavioral evaluation on your dog that determines whether his behavior is normal or not, you can make a better determination whether you want to go further with him or whether you need to rehome him.

Lastly, don't feel bad about letting the breeder know that you no longer want the dog. Let her know that you don't want to do a disservice to the dog by keeping him in a home that isn't suited for him or can't meet his needs. If you make it about the dog's best interests, she will understand. If she doesn't, then she doesn't--you have to do what's best for your family. Also, breeders can sometimes be a bit biased when it comes to their own breedings. Think about it, admitting that a dogs' temperment isn't the best or is atypical for the breed is admitting that there may be flaws in their breeding program. Not that they are ignoring the issue intentionally, but it just may be hard for her to be as objective as she should.

I'm sorry you have to be going through this trying ordeal. It must bother you or else you wouldn't be posting about it. Good luck with whatever decision you come to.

 

[Hannahmack]

It's not that I don't want to believe that folks think I can work this out - it's just that I'm not sure if i'm strong enough to deal with this much longer.

We've already put so much into him, when will we start to see the fruits of our labor? Seriously - will it take until he's 5 years old, or should he settle at around 3 years? The breeder says hers are "couch potatoes" and they are!! I have no idea what happened to mine. His siblings are good too. If he's going to be like this for the next 10 years, then I'm being honest by saying that I simply can't do it. If there's some light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps we can do it for a little while more.

He would NEVER end up in rescue. I could never do that to any dog. As I said, he's a "nice dog" without a mean bone in his body, just very very bad. No one needs to worry about that. He would be returned to the breeder - we would even keep him until she could rehome him as to not upset him twice.

 

[ehayes21]

Do your dogs constantly whine and cry even after and hour of training, and a 1 hour walk? Do they constantly look for and get into trouble? Are they confined to their crate even at 2 years old after nearly 2 years of training?

Yes. We can come back from the park after a good run and Rowdy will whine. We can go on a 2 hour walk and he will whine. He constantly needs to be doing something. That's just him, and I love it. He's also 3 and still has to be crated - he is just too darn creative when left out. I would trust my 2 year old before I would trust him.
So there is light at the end of the tunnel, if you want to see it...if not, then I echo what everyone else has said and just be honest with the breeder. I am sure they would be more than happy to take the dog back and find it a more appropriate home. Good luck.