"We Are All Alone" VERY LONG..sorry

[craZ4HERKIE]

Recently, my Bf of 14yrs & I have been going thru some serious problems....he's not working & hasn't for a long time....not even attempted to look for a job!I have been getting so sick of all this....not only do I have to take care of my 2 boys(not an issue), but I am taking care of Bf and his daughter....whom I have raised as my own.Bf has been going thru a depression lately...i believe that he's manic depressive...bi-polar...whatever.He wants cars, motorcycles, etc....but he doesn't want to work to get them....he wants me to provide them for him!We argue or ignore each other all the time.His daughter has been spending the summer at her girlfriend's house...and i believe my bf has been cheating on me with the girls mother!Fine...if you don't want to be with me...then go live with her...but of course..he'll never admit it.Not only that, he meets women online...recently he went to Tn to meet one, and to Ohio to meet another!He just lies about it all!But he says I am the one who is acting funny....well, why wouldn't i be!I work 10-12 hrs a day, 6 days a week, just struggling to keep us afloat!About a month ago, we were arguing, again...i told him if he didn't want to be with me, then go live with the other girls mother!He became enraged and hit me with a notebook, then later on threw a pack of cigarettes at me and hit me in the face with them.I had to endure all nite long listening to how stupid I am, how "slow" I am, how retarded I am.Telling me how sick he is OF ME!Do you believe it...he's sick of me!Told me next time he was going to beat me like a man.For the next 2 weeks...the same thing arguing, depression...so on and so forth.

In the meanwhile...he has no clue I am planning my escape...I've rented a 2 bedroom townhome close to my job in charlotte.It comes to thurs...the day before i am planning on leaving, we are getting along good....we go out to eat, I buy him a new outfit.everything is ok...i am having doubts about leaving.we get home, i give him $120...just to have a few dollars in his pocket(why should I give him anything!)He becomes enraged!He is pissed off because that's all i gave him...ungrateful B*%@$$D!He rages on all nite...says I act like he's trying to rob me or something...i'm stupid, etc, etc!I don't have a lot of extra money just to give to him....i'm taking care of everything in this house by myself anyway!what does he not understand?he flips the couch over, and breaks a glass....it shatters everywhere!My poor boxer Herkie is terrified...he doesn't understand that his daddy is not mad at him.He was shaking uncontrollably, then began drooling...and then panting.My poor baby...i could hardly calm him down.Kuma just went and hid in the crate...it didn't phase him too much.

All this little fit does is just enforce in me that i am going to do the right thing in the am.Well he kept me up until 7:30am!Finally I just went to sleep, when I got up that afternoon he was asleep...i let the boys out to do their business, grabbed my purse, I already have their records, and leashes in the car....get the boys in the car and left.I left with the clothes on my back, and my boys.
We have now been in our townhome 2wks today!I hate that I don't have a yard for them to play in....we just go for lots of walks....which Herkie obsesses over...he just wants to keep walking and walking....when we head for home he starts sitting down & laying down because he doesn't want to come back...he wants to keep going....even if the heat is killing him!At nite when I get in from work...he walks & walks and when he comes in he whines because he wants to go back out!He is not eating the way he should, i don't think he likes the kitchen here...it is very small.I am lucky if i get 2 or 3 cans of food in him, where he usually eats 4 easily!I bought a tie-out so we can sit and play outside without walking constantly, they do seem to like that.I know they want to be outside sometimes....just to be outside.We are definitely having an adjustment period!Kuma on the other hand could care less...he just wants to run when we walk!I believe Herkie just wants to investigate everything, and he sees his walks as personal time!

My Dad came about a week after I moved here, and we went and got some of my things...bed, computer, washer, dryer & some clothes...I'm still buying everthing else!I changed my cell # that same day so he couldn't call me, he won't come to my job(hopefully)I am a postal worker and it is federal property!I left him a message after I had been gone about 4 hrs that I wasn't coming back, don't try to find me....we're not happy so this is for the best.And when me & dad went to get my stuff...it looks like he left that same day, and hasn't been back...he just has a couple changes of clothes...but then again that's not my problem anymore!

I have had a few rough days, I get very lonely & bored.But I was lonely when i was with him.I know this is going to be for the best, but on those bad days...thats when i second guess myself!I am sorry this was so long, I just needed to vent a little, and I knew you guys would be there for me!Thanks for letting me get this off my chest!

Jessica, Herkie & Kuma

PS....If anyone knows of any dog parks in charlotte...could you please let me know!I know the boys would love it...and they need to run some!

 

[harris2x2]

Jessica-

GOOD FOR YOU! I hope you realize what a strong and courageous thing you did. It was absolutely the only choice, the best choice you could have made. I'm sure this transition time will be difficult for you and for Herkie and Kuma, but that's nothing compared to what you've already had to put up with and what COULD have happened.

Pardon my French, but your EX-boyfriend is an asshole. It's unbelieveable the things people say and do and expect. Please don't ever consider going back to him! And if he makes any sort of threats against you, don't let it slide. He obviously has an aggressive personality.

I'm so proud of you! Good luck and take care.

Jen

 

[Vela]

I second that! Good for you! You sure don't deserve treatment like that. You are very strong to be able to do that and realize you and your babies deserve more. I'm really happy for you that you are outof that situtation. Good luck!

 

[Cindy Creel]

Good for you. I know that you will be happier in the long run. My daughter just did the same thing. She left her boyfriend too. It is a hard thing to do.
But you will so much better off.

Cindy

 

[Rlr.Giraffe]

Good for you!!!! I know it is hard sometimes to look at it objectively and know you did the right thing, but from the way you described it, you handled everything really well and I am glad you got away from that horrible guy. You are better off without someone who brings you down. Your babies will adjust...

Jen

 

[ljnash]

I'm glad you left him. You deserve much better than that, and his violence towards you would have just gotten worse over time.

You will do just fine. If you had the courage and determination to leave that relationship, then you will be A-okay!!

Lenore

 

[craZ4HERKIE]

I just wanted to say Thank You for all the kind words of encouragement and support that ya'll have offered me.This means more to me than you all can possibly know.Thank you again.

Jessica, Herkie & Kuma

 

[abradbury.5]

Jessica--GOOD FOR YOU for leaving! It was a brave thing to do, and I am sure you will be MUCH better off and MUCH happier now. It is always scary to leave the known (even if it isn't great) for the unknown, but it is much better to be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. Plus, in your situation, it was unhealthy and dangerous too.... so you and your boys are much safer and have the opportunity to live a happy life. Things will get easier, and the boys will adapt to townhouse living.

 

[marciafinn]

Jessica - You were very brave to have left this man and the abusive relationship. I was so scared as I was reading your post when you said he hit you with the notebook and wasn't sure what I'd be reading next....

Your strength is admirable and you are an inspiration to many women who are afraid to leave an abusive situation. Herkie & Kuma will get through this with you. I have found my fur babies to be a source of strength many times. They will get through this with you - I just moved on 7/1 and Mason is still adjusting. Keep your chin up - I am sure you'll meet some new friends to help keep you busy!

Marcia

 

[catneon]

Your strength is admirable and you are an inspiration to many women who are afraid to leave an abusive situation.

Amen to that!! you had to courage to pick up and leave and that is the biggest step. You are a strong women and even if it is a bit rough right now don't worry better days are just around the corner (what am I saying they are already better!) I am sure of it. Keep your chin up and remember we are here to encourage and support you!

Catherine and Gazou