Unresponsive Rescue

[segbert]

I have a question about how to proceed with a rescue organization that's not responding to my e-mails and telephone calls. We're looking to adopt a boxer from our local rescue organization, and we've been on the list for almost 5 months now. For the first three months, every dog that I've asked about, they respond with "the dog is not right for your family."

Here's the background: Our family consists of me, my wife, and our 3 boys, ranging from 2 to almost 8. We're also expecting our fourth child, a little girl.

We've adopted from the rescue group before, about 2 years ago. We had to return the dog, because we didn't feel the dog was right for our family. Also, I was working for a consulting firm, and traveled all the time, which left my wife to take care of the dog and kids by herself without much support from me for months at a time. I've since switched jobs (no more traveling) and we've moved to a bigger house with a much bigger, fenced-in yard. We're planning to have the dog live in the house as part of the family. We're willing to crate-train, obedience train, etc.

The rescue group has said in the past that they don't want us to return another dog, so they're looking for the perfect dog for us. I can understand that. We don't want to have to return a dog. But I'm worried that while they're looking for the perfect dog, the diamond in the rough may get passed over. We're certainly not looking for a perfect dog. We understand that there is a lot ot work associated with caring for and training a dog, especially when it comes to bringing a dog into a new environment. I'm willing to take time off work to help during the transition process.

There have been several dogs on their web site that we have felt would make a great match for our family, based on the description. Both my wife and I have called or e-mailed about the dogs and how they think the dogs would fit with our family, but we haven't heard anything from the group in 2 months.

I don't understand why any rescue organization wouldn't return our phone calls or e-mail, even to say that a dog doesn't fit our family. We're a great family, willing to give a dog all the attention it could want. The only requirements that we put on the application were that we prefer a male, and that the dog must be good with children. I don't think that's too much to require, and more than a few of the dogs on the web site have matched that description.

So, I'm looking for advice as to how to proceed. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.

 

[Chris W.]

It could be entirely possible that they really simply do not have a dog suitable for you right now. It's hard to know the whole story. Did you elaborate at all to them as to WHY the dog you returned to them wasn't right for your family, or just simply stated you'd begun to travel and your wife was overwhelmed? How long did you have the last dog? I think they could not have been more honest to you when they told you that they want to make sure that you do not return another dog. I'm sure they spent a lot of time and drove some miles and maybe even went out of their way to help you in your adoption process last time to make sure you got a dog that was suitable for your family. Now, if your FAMILY became unsuitable for a dog After that point, maybe they would not be so willing to go out of their way so fast again.
Perhaps you could find another rescue in your area to work with, even if this one is the only "boxer" rescue, I'm sure there are other all breed rescues that get boxers in. You could broaden the search, maybe you could let the search include "boxer mixes" If I had a suggestion for you, I would suggest that you simply do not become offended or mad. After all, these dogs are their babies, and you as a parent know you've got to be 100% certain of who you leave your babies with.
I think it can be very difficult to find a dog that would you would have ZERO doubts about it being in the house with 4 children so young.

 

[adeinert]

Hi,
Was the first dog you returned from them? They would know the circumstances. If not, maybe that made them uneasy. There is nothing worse than a rescue dog being bounced around.
Also, it could very well be that they want to find exactly what you have specified, although you are a good home, you had returned before. Some homes would deal with anything and never return a dog, but they know you have limits. Limits they respect and are trying to meet. It seems like we will go forever without having a boxer who can be around cats and then boom all of the next bunch can, or we get all flashy brindle males around 1 year, and next a bunch of white boxers. Maybe they don't have any that they feel comfortable sending to children. There are boxers who are wonderful with little children and others I just wouldn't do it.
If you feel they are turning you down by shutting you out, ask them to let you know if they see you as a good home, etc. Most rescues state very specifically why they can't adopt to you so if it is changeable, you know what to work on. Others do not, mostly because the volunteers are overworked and sending out those letters is less important than maybe driving to save a dog from a kill shelter. (Based on what a know about a rescue when they were small and starting out, this was something back then they just didn't have the manpower for.)
If all else fails, the above suggestion about another rescue is a good one. Also check petfinder and your local shelters. Our local shelter just got 3 boxers in. One was adopted immediately and the other two will be sent on to us.
I hope they can work with you and get to know you a bit more. Maybe that would help them placing a furkid with you. They are children and I am sure the rescue is doing the very best they can! Did you have one main person you were contacting? Finding someone who will work with you and answer you questions sounds like an obstacle but one worth trying to get over.
Ashlie

 

[Adelle]

The fact that you have very young kids is the first thing that may be slowing things down, as resuce groups usually have a waiting list of people with young kids waiting for a suitable dog. Most rescue groups are very careful about placing only dogs that have been tested with young kids in a family with young kids.

And although I don't know all the details I imagine the fact that you already returned a dog is probably not helping either. I would ask them striaght out if this is effecting their decision.

Let us know how it works out.

 

[Claudia807]

Personally I would rather take in a hundred forlorn homeless Boxers off the streets or shelters than to have one dog returned by an adopter. I can look into an abused dog's eyes and feel up to the task of helping that dog. But I find it almost impossible to look into the face of a dog that has been returned and to say, "I'm sorry I screwed up and put you in the wrong home." It rips my heart into about a million pieces and makes me feel that I am not up to the task of volunteering for rescue.

Frankly, "we didn't feel the dog was right for our family" feels awfully flimsy, unless you were just summarizing for the purpose of this forum. Why move forward on an adoption if the timing was so bad? Prior to that you should have had ample opportunity to interact with the dog and make 100% the dog was right for you.

I don't think any of us can guess at why this rescue has been unresponsive but it could be that they are just a little gun-shy. Or it could be that they are just awfully busy. Or it could be that they are convinced that they will never have a dog that will suit your needs and they are hoping you will move on quietly so that they don't have to be confrontational. You also have to keep in mind that one of the top reasons why dogs are surrendered is "new baby" and you have three children with another one on the way.

Claudia
Green Acres Boxer Rescue of WI

 

[Chewy's Mom]

I would tend to agree with all of the replies you have gotten thus far. I'm also curious as to how you think your wife will NOT be overwhelmed this time, especially since she will soon have a brand new infant? That in and of itself will be a handful for her, not to mention the other children - and a new boxer too? Wow, I think I'd go nutty with all of that. Your wife must be a very strong woman!

In all likelyhood your young children, baby on the way, and the fact that you previously gave back a dog are going to make it very tough if not impossible to adopt from the rescue group in question any time soon. It's so wonderful that you want to rescue, and I would recommend that you keep close tabs on your local shelter, and any other rescue groups you can find.

Monique
NorCal Boxer Rescue

 

[segbert]

I just wanted to follow-up with a few things.

To adeinert:

The first dog was an owner surrender because it wasn't "convenient" for the original owners to keep the dog anymore.

To Claudia807:

I was summarizing when I said the dog was not right for us. There were many factors that went into the decision, and I had a really difficult time when it came time to turn the dog back over to the rescue group. It was what was right for us and the dog, no doubt about it. Both the rescue group and our family had discussed it, and we both came to the same conclusion - it would be better for the dog to go to another family at that time. It was not a "I don't want the dog anymore. Take it back now." kind of thing.

I'd rather the group be confrontational than leave me hanging.


To everyone else:

We had planned the timing of the current adoption process to try and give us all enough time to adjust to the dog, and the dog to adjust to us prior to the baby coming. Now that the baby's due date is much closer, we have "suspended" our application for the next 3 months to be able to focus on the change in our family dynamics prior to adopting a dog.

What I still don't understand is why the group never replied to our messages. I don't know if I'll ever find that out.

Thanks for all your replies and insights!

 

[Debbie Magon]

While im not saying you and your family dont deserve another chance I am saying I fully understand how the rescue service feels at this stage.
I sold a perfectly beautiful boxer at 10 mths.
She went spayed, to what I thought was the absolutley most wonderful boxer owners in the world.
They turned out to be the most terrible people.
Their excuse for retuning her?
She wasnt right!
When she came home to me she was sad , confused and in quite a terrible state.
Her wee heart was broken and it broke mine to see her like that.

These people were so way wrong about her!
THEY wernt right and they knew it!!.
Seemed the pup didnt fit their lifestyle so instead of making any sacrifices, which any dedicated pet owner would do, they sacrificed the boxer!
I was devistated as it was a lot more than just the boxer being returned in a few short days, as she had been treated badly.
They told others that one day they would get another boxer!
Of course I would NEVER let these people have another dog of any breed and have let other breeders/rescues know about this.

What I am trying to show here is that once you let someone down , you break the trust that they have in you.
If you really want another boxer from rescue, perhaps you should try to prove you are serious beyond question.
Can you visit the shelter, lend a hand, donate things to help such as food and blankets?

I know it sounds like grovelling but if your heart is in the right place, you will get your boxer.

 

[VTbxrFan]

I say this without reference to any specific rescue and without any judgement of you or the rescue group that you are working with, but I can tell you that in a general sense, it is very, very difficult for a rescue group to tell an interested family that they (rescue) are not willing to give the family a dog. I have heard of rescues that will use the "we don't have the right dog for you now" approach for quite a long time in hopes that the family will just stop inquiring. Right or wrong, it is sometimes done that way because it's easier than trying to get a family to understand and accept that they were turned down. There is of course no way for me to know if that's what is happening with you, but I do understand why a rescue would be very relunctant to adopt out a dog to someone who had previously returned a dog. I'm sure you had your reasons, and I'm not judging you on that at all - I'm just pointing out that rescues put the dogs first - our first responsibilty is to the dogs, not to the many families who approach us about them.

Now maybe it is in fact just a case of the right dog not being available, and you might hear something from the group when the rescue has the right dog. But if you are set on a boxer and your believe that it is the right time in your life for you to make that commitment, you could try working with another group. Each group has their own policies and procedures. You could also keep an eye out for a boxer at the shelters in your area. If a rescue is full, often times they will leave a boxer at the shelter in hopes that the dog will get adopted directly that way. (mine does that - especially if it's a healthy dog in a shelter that we know provides decent care. With limitations on our resources, we pull the neediest dogs first - those in approaching their deadline or those in shelters that we know are very poor.)

Again, I'm not judging you and I can't know that this particular rescue is not going to adopt to you. I'm just trying to give you an honest answer to your question.

 

[PawPrintBoxers]

Originally posted by segbert
I'd rather the group be confrontational than leave me hanging.

And I don't know of a single Rescue that WANTS to be confrontational at all. Perhaps they are trying to make a subtle statement, perhaps they are not. It sounds like, above all, they are being as polite as possible given a less than desirable situation.

1. You have already returned a Rescue dog. Not because the dog had horrible behaviorial issues, from what you have stated. The match just wasn't "right". For whatever reasons. What this usually says to a Rescue is that you did not go to any extra lengths with your new Boxer. Be it right or wrong, this is how it can come across.

2. You stated you had returned the first Rescue for many reasons including your wife being overwhelmed at the house. Fair enough. But now you seek another Rescue when your wife is pregnant with your 4th child. If she was overwhelmed with 3 kids and a Rescue Boxer, how do you think she is going to cope with 4 kids and a Rescue Boxer?

I think it is very admirable you want to Rescue a Boxer. It really is fabulous. But perhaps the timing just is not right. Sit back, think about it realisticly, look at the work your wife does just to keep 3 kids of such young ages just moving along during the day, not to mention taking care of the household and your own needs. Look at the fact you have a child coming in just months that will require 100% attention.

I won't be confrontational but I will be honest. Right now your home sounds way too busy to add a puppy or even a Rescue Boxer into the mix. Wait a bit, have some patience, and offer your love when the timing is right for all involved.

__________________
Christina Ghimenti
PawPrint Boxers

Sunny Northern California
Boxer Champions and Loving Pets