Two questions that I get sometimes that bug me... (minor rant, my apologies)

[NateBazooka]

... and that I kinda feel like really.... shouldn't be asked. Or at least, not by a stranger. Kinda in the same vein as "How much do you make" or "How much did you pay for that?". Just, not tactful and it bugs me sometimes.

Kevin is my first dog, and, like I know is true with a lot of dog owners, I've learned a lot of stuff since owning a dog that I really should've known before I ever got one. I did research, thought I knew what I was doing, but really was still missing a lot of info and understanding about dogs, dog ownership, dog breeding, etc. I never visited this site until after I'd already had Kevin for a while, which I think is evidence enough that I really didn't prepare properly ; ). Don't get me wrong, Kevin is a fantastic dog. He's gorgeous, smart, generally well behaved, and loveable in the ways in which his behavior is still flawed (his behavior problems generally all stem from "Holy crud I love everybody LET ME LICK THEIR FACES NOW WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF GET THIS LEASH OFF'A ME!"). He's a wonderful companion, has a great personality, has been forgiving of my flaws and errors in ownership and training, and is just really a very good dog. The next time I get a dog, I'll do things differently, but I wouldn't change a thing about how I did it the first time because then I never would've gotten my best friend.

But, really, Kev probably should've never been bred, and came from a BYB. I didn't think so at the time, but in retrospect it was pretty obviously a backyard breeding operation. Kevin is a boxer, but is not a fantastic representation of the breed standard. He has the underbite, the black mask, the boxer physique (and personality LOL) etc., but his head isn't proportioned correctly, the underbite isn't terribly pronounced, his jowls don't really hang down the far... and on top of that, he's a "reverse" brindle, which doesn't seem to trigger "boxer!" for a lot of people when they see him.

Anyways, the two question I've gotten numerous times since I've had my dog (approaching a year now - great year) are variations of "Where did you get him?" and "Is that a boxer mix?".

The first one doesn't bug me quite as much, as it seems like something of a natural question, but given that *everybody* has an opinion about where people should get dogs, and how most dogs are either "accidents" or poorly bred, it just seems like kind of a confrontational question to me. Although, having opinions myself about where one should get a dog and knowing that I don't even agree with how I got my own dog, I'm probably kind of sensitive about this question as it is a minor source of shame. But still, it just bugs me, and it seems like about 90% of the time it's from people with "rescue" dogs, and 10% of the time it's people with blue blooded show dogs. Not that there's anything wrong with either of those groups - in fact, I think they're awesome. It's just.... do you need to lord that over every random dog owner you meet? Are you going to ask me if I bought my car new or used, or how much I gave to charity this year? And talking to someone who has a rescue dog is like talking to someone who is a Texan - you're going to find out about it soon enough without asking ( ; ) ). I once even had someone ask me if Kevin was a "bred" dog. I couldn't even figure out what they were getting at at first - I said "Uhhhh.... yeah I guess so", thinking "well, yeah, every dog is bred." Anyways, this bugs me a bit when it happens.


What really bugs me is the "Oh, is he a boxer mix?" or "What is his mix?", *especially* when this comes from other boxer owners, which it has on a couple of occasions. Like I said, I realize that my dog isn't a textbook example of a boxer, and I don't really care. He's beautiful and is a wonderful dog, and I never intended to get a show dog in the first place. I just hate the... at worst, condescending, and at best, assumptive nature of the question. I would *never* ask a person "Hey, what mix of breeds is your mutt?", or "Oh, is he part lab?", or "Is that a schnauzer mix?". I ask people about their dogs all the time. I love learning about different breeds, trying to keep track of what different kinds of dogs are called/what they are like, or even with people with mixed breeds what those particular mixes seem like, or trying to identify the features of the various breeds in the dog. All the time at the dog park, if I see a dog running around that I don't know a lot about, I'll approach the owners and say something like "Oh, that's a beautiful pup, what is that like a husky, or malamute? I don't really know those northern dog breeds....", or if I just have no idea I might just ask an open ended question like "She's pretty, what kind of dog is she?". But every now and then someone will come up and ask what mix my dog is, and more than once people with boxers have asked me that, and it just seemed (particularly with the other boxer owners) so condescending. If you just have no idea what a dog is, I don't know why you'd assume it's a mix, and if you have a vague notion, I don't know why you would say to a stranger (essentially) "I do not think your dog is purebred, tell me what is mixed with his primary breed please." It's just so..... rude!

But perhaps I'm just a tad sensitive. I do love the opposite, when I'm out walking my dog and someone will come up and say "Boxers are the best!!!!" or some such thing, or I'll encounter another boxer owner and we both get to enjoy our companions playing with each other for a bit and talk about the breed, or even when someone just comes up and wants to meet the dog and talk about dogs.

Ha, sorry for the rant, I didn't mean for the post to be this long, I just ran into a couple of these people recently and needed to vent a bit.

 

[Althea]

I feel your pain. Because I've always had white boxers, I dealt with questions like, "Wow, a boxer? I've never seen one that color. You sure it's not a mix?" As if I don't know what my own dog is. Or "What a pretty dog -- she's a pit, right?" Love pits, annoyed that my well bred BOXER is being confused as one!

What I choose to do is use this as an educational moment. I get white boxers because I HATE that they have historically been killed at birth, because they are not worth money (that is changing, now that the puppy mills and brokers have figured out they could call them "rare" and get twice as much). It's also a cheaper way to get a well-bred boxer. Nothing wrong with that! So I explain to people how 25% of birthed boxer puppies are white, that traditionally they are not AKC accepted (I don't have an issue with this), and often they are killed because of their unacceptability. That they are just as much a boxer as a colored boxer (hm, where have we heard this argument before?) and have just as much personality.

I know you are embarrassed about having a BYB dog -- but I have one, too. It was a stupid decision, one I'll never repeat (she's a pug). But here's the deal: it's an opportunity to educate. When someone comments on here because she so tiny and cute, I explain why, and why rescue or a good breeder are the better option.

Use it for education, and it will take the burden off. People are going to ask -- the same way I get questions about whether my hair, eyes or other parts of my anatomy are real! It's amazing the questions people will ask with absolutely no hesitation. Oy. But it is a great opportunity to explain to people what a BYB is, as most have no idea, and think as long as it's not a puppy mill, what's the harm? (heck, most people don't understand what a puppy mill is!)

Your boy is beautiful, and he's your buddy -- and just like someone who adopts children from other countries get questions like, "how much did you pay for him?", people are going to ask you questions about your pooch. Turn it around into something that makes you feel like you are making a change. Then you won't mind as much.

 

[djheitz]

I can absolutely sympathize with you. My youngest was an impulse purchase from a pet store just a few days after losing my beloved weim. Once we had him, I started researching white boxers (and was horrified that they used to be routinely destroyed) and started to look into getting involved in rescue. I'm now one of 'them' - the reformed rescuer...almost as bad sometimes as the former smoker in our enthusiasm to educate the public. I do cringe when I hear one of my fellow rescue volunteers going on and on to some unsuspecting passerby, so I don't think I've completely turned yet :D

A simple, 'yes he's a boxer, but I didn't know what I was doing when I picked him out. I'll be more prepared next time.' will usually stop the lecture.

For those thinking he's a mix of some sort, the same answer will work.

 

[angelakenney]

Sometimes people don't realize they are actually criticizing something you love, a family member, even. I get asked all the time if my dog is a pit mix. But really....does it matter? I love my dog, he's my world and since I don't have kids I'm spoiling the heck out of my dog. I bought him from a coworker and she says she got him from a breeder, but we don't really know his complete history. And I don't care. Sure, we could have gotten a dog from a reputable breeder.....but I like the one that I ended up with. I'm happy to be his dog mommy and I'd hate to think of him being with any other family but ours.

 

[DUKEISRAD]

ugh!

People ask me that a lot too, especially if duke is a pit, or some sort of bulldog. Theres quite a few neighbors that will cross to the other side of the street when im walking him simply because they think he is a pit bull and that hes vicious, when in reality he too would just lick a person to death! But thats fine by me with neighbors, more reason to leave me and him alone =] But with passerbys, at the park, at the pet store... I seem to get a lot of those questions too, it does get old. Or, how old is he? Well he doesnt look or act that old! Well im sorry but its my dog and I know what he is and how old he is etc. etc. some people really just get on the nerves dont they! But few people do make up for it, when i run into those people that absolutely love the breed, and they both just go wild with excitement =]

 

[MKAD]

With Sally, her features are not as pronounced as they maybe should be. I could care less. I get asked "are those pits?" a lot. My response is "sure" & I keep walking. Ends the conversation & gets me, Sally & Sam out of there.
The older I get, the more I am amazed at how stupid and bold people are. I go never imagine going up to a stranger and asking them a peronsal question; it's un-couth.

 

[NateBazooka]

Thanks for the replies, and letting me vent a bit. Althea, that's a good idea to use such questions as a springboard for education.

I reread my post, and I hope I didn't come across as anti-rescue people, or even annoyed with rescue people (or people with dogs from reputable breeders). I only meant that it's almost never people who maybe used bad judgment when getting their dog who ask me that question.

I do like talking to rescue people to find out about their organizations/experience, and maybe find out a way to help. I've got my hands full with my dog as it is, but I would love to get involved with that kind of stuff sometime soon, even if it's just taking dogs from the Town Lake Animal Center on walks. And all I meant by the "you'll find out about it" comment is just how people with rescue dogs often seem to be passionate about the cause, and also tend to refer to their dogs as "rescues". Good for them, and good for the pups!


I also get the pit thing a lot, with the connected assumptions about viciousness. I imagine brindle boxers, and particularly heavily brindled boxers are second only to white boxers for being mistaken for pits. Sometimes the reactions are particularly bad if I need to have the Gentle Leader on Kevin - they mistake the boxer for a pit, and the harness for a muzzle! I had one guy in the waiting room at the vet give me the stink eye and snatch up his little weenie dog because Kevin was lying on the floor, staring at it, and whining because I wasn't letting him play. Little did the guy know that my vicious muzzled pit routinely gets "dominated" by the likes of chihuahuas and pugs

 

[Althea]

Didn't think that at all. Just think you are frustrated, which is understandable. I just looked at photos of Kevin. The problem is that most people have no idea what pits look like. He's a beautiful boy -- what a pretty face. And definitely a boxer. I wouldn't mistake him. But then, I'm a boxer fan. appicon

Let him be your ambassador for a good dog, regardless of his background. He proves that no matter where they hail from, a good dog is the result of a good relationship.

 

[samkanatzar]

Kevin is precious and reminds me of my two furbabies, both of which are "reverse" brindle and mistaken for pits ALL-THE-TIME!!

Don't let other's opinions get you down. My female is very dominate and tends to get into schuffles. Even though we fix it immediately, I still can feel the entire dog park or area talking about us and moving away. Just yesterday a Great Dane (50 + pounds bigger than my 1-year-old female mind you) entered the dog park with my two babies, it began humping my male so my female growled at it. (No attack or pinning, just a growl) and the Great Dane's owner screamed and grabbed her dog. I don't remember what she said, but it wasn't nice and something along the lines of "I knew they were Boxers." Really? Your Great Dane was mounting my dog and it was simply telling it to stop. AGGHHH

 

[whiskers]

Same boat over here. Juno is nearly 50 pounds and I STILL get asked if she's a Boston Terrier, just because people think she's black & white. I also get the "is she a boxer mix?" or "how much boxer is she?" I would NEVER ask someone that!! If I'm unsure of a dog's breed or if I kind of think they might be a mix, I'll just ask "what kind of dog is he/she?"

Really the most annoying thing is when people seem to doubt me when I say she's purebred. I mean my goodness, these people don't KNOW boxers so it's silly for them to assume... she's not black, her color/pattern/whatever you want to call it is genetically possible. Just because they "haven't seen that color before" doesn't mean I'm lying. If she had blue eyes or something yeah that wouldn't make much sense then .

I'm starting to get over it, the boxer personality is what's most important. It is annoying though fielding the same questions on an almost daily basis. But I guess that makes it all the more awesome when someone actually knows it's a boxer, .