The Stresses of My New Job and How to Cope?

[TYS0NSM0MMA]

Hey everyone, as some of you may know I recently obtained a new job. I started work at a prominant vet hosptial as an afternoon large animal agricultural assistant. Basically my job is to see to admissions, dischagres, feeding, and assisting with prepping for surgeries, and the grim part dealing with horses, foals, cows, calves and sheep after they die and while they are dying... which needless to say is quite stressful.

I had to deal with my first euthanization the other day and I cried for an hour afterwards, I know the animal isnt in pain anymore which offered some comfort but how do you ever get used to this so it doesnt destroy you everytime you have to deal with it? It is much different when they come in and have already died, because you never knew them or anything about them, you remove them from the trailer with as much care as possible and as fast as possible, I also ensure that an owner is never present for that since it is unpleasant to watch.

I just dont know how I am going to deal with putting them down and not getting so personally involved. The owner was not present for it which makes me the only one in the room who hasnt used a needle or ever inflicted any pain on the animal and she looked at me like she knew that, then I stayed with her patting her and telling her its alright, and wished her a safe journey as I started crying and she crossed the bridge. It was heartbreaking the story of her ordeal (which I cant get into) but I took some comfort in knowing that she knew that someone around her cared and loved her while she passed. It was so hard though! I am still upset and it has been days!

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this? I am such an animal lover that maybe I will always cry for them like that but it is so tiring too...

I love my new job because you often get to see "miracles" happen like horses with a 30% chance of survival make it, but then there are the ones that come in with a minor colic who die because surgery is too expensive for the owner and it breaks your heart..

I just needed to vent...
Colly

 

[basak]

ı have no advice as I would be in the same position with you if I were doing your job:(
I hope you find a way.

basak

 

[robynkendall]

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time with this. It will probably get easier to deal with over time. Try to focus more on the happy things you see. I think it's a good thing that you are someone who really cares- there are a lot of people in your field that don't seem to:(

 

[Evie&Adam]

she knew that someone around her cared and loved her while she passed.

Just keep reminding yourself of this.

 

[TYS0NSM0MMA]

I would definately agree that it is quick and painless, however it does occur much differently for larger animals. It is easy to hold up a dog and ease it down a horse or cow that weighs easily over 1000lbs is a different story. Horses go a little slower and takes quite a bit of euthanasia to do the job, cows takes very little, I hold them up as long as I can but they do just go over which is the part that hurts me the most. I hold their head up so it doesnt hit the ground and ease it down, the way they look at you is beyond words though as it as all happening... I wish I could explain it to them. Better yet I wish I had the money to help them... wouldnt that be nice... sigh. As my favourite co-worker says "you never get used to it, and it is harder when you know them or they have been here for a few weeks. You just have to do your best to be with them, and they know that. Then when it is all done act quickly for them and get the whole process done as fast and with as much dignity for the animal as you can"

It sometimes feels like such a cruel job, but parts are so rewarding...I keep reminding myself that the cases I see are the worst of the worst and that not all animals in the world are like this...not this badly off I mean. I can't stand some of the people I work with, they are so cold and uncaring refering to euthanizing an animal as "nuking" it or "giving it the blue juice" I hate it, I want to yell at them and tell them to have a heart. One of them actually said to out loud (not knowing the owner was right behind her) "I wish they would just nuke that horse and put it out of its misery, it is in agony, it needs the blue juice" The owner started crying and walked away! I thought how careless and unprofessional. When I am talking to anyone who is unfamiliar to me I REALLY watch my words, it can be hard to tell who is staff, volunteer or owner there so I just assume that it is an owner. I use great care and often if there is a "danger" sign on the stall with a reason like "horse cow kicks" I am careful around the horse but I also give them some credit that they are obviously in discomfort and need some understanding... I just feel like the odd woman out.

According to the vets and the vet techs there I have "calming powers" with the horses and cows, they apparently calm down when I am around them.. which I have never been told before.

I do talk to a therapist which is great and lord knows I need it at times! But it can feel so text book sometimes and talking here feels more natural.

Any more advise?

I hope this whole thing doesnt sound cold or weird but it is the reality of my job and I guess it would be cold and weird if I didnt mind dealing with the whole thing :( hmph strange how the world works... we often go through life thinking only about what is immediately around us and not what could be happening elsewhere... I found this very true when I helped euthanize for the first time a few days ago, I thought of the owner over 5 hours away probably crying for her horse and I know for a fact that she couldnt have known that with her horse someone does care, and that someone she didnt even know cried for her and her loss... it was a very odd moment for me when I realized this. It made me remember when I lost my 2 boxers in 2003 how I cried, and felt so alone and lost without them. Now I think did someone unknown to me cry for them too? Strange..

 

[Marybeth18]

I have no advice for you. I have to say if I was in your shoes I'd be sobbing, too. You are a very special person and I'm sure the animals find comfort looking in your eyes.

I hope in time it gets easier for you. You are a very special person -

 

[Austin's Mom]

I give you so much credit. I cried just reading your post, the amount of caring you have for these animals. I could never in a million years do your job. It takes a special person.

 

[Cami]

I have always wanted to work with animals but the reason that I can't is because I feel so much for them that it nearly destroys me to see one in pain/near death or dying.

It's a blessing and a curse all at the same time. My hats off to everyone that has enough strength to do it but I am not that strong. It is really hard for me to even watch animal shows and DH will usually tell me to turn it off or leave the room.

I used to take my cats (since passed) to a particular vet. Her bedside manner was always a little standoffish. She was brilliant and helped 2 of my cats live with terminal illnesses for many years. After "kitty" had to be helped to the bridge last year the vet was with us and ended up having to leave the room after the injection as she was in tears. I think that her "standoffish-ness" was just a cover-up to a big softie that was trying desperatly to not get attached.

I think when you stop feeling anything then it's time to get out of the business but there also has to be some middle ground so that you are left able to function at your job and not feel so sad when these situations arise.

 

[Kosmo's Mom]

I have always wanted to work with animals but the reason that I can't is because I feel so much for them that it nearly destroys me to see one in pain/near death or dying.

It's a blessing and a curse all at the same time. My hats off to everyone that has enough strength to do it but I am not that strong.

Cami summed up my thoughts perfectly. I love animals but it is too difficult for me to watch them in pain or dying.
I think you are a very special person for the profession you chose.
Sounds like some of the people you work with could use some of the heart & feeling that you have.

 

[Marybeth18]

Ditto. I couldn't have said it better myself.