Sensitive "?" for those who have/or had 2 pets...

[boxerchick12]

I am so sorry! It is so hard when you lose one. And, IMO, there is no absolute right or wrong way to handle this. It is going to affect Dex for a while, right now he's just lonley and confused. He'll get better and soon he'll be back to cuddling with you! That's got to be tough, for him to not be comforting you, but it will get better, I promise!! hugs to you and again, I am so sorry. Godspeed Ginger.

 

[baronsmom]

2 years ago we had to have one of our cats put down, he was 27 and was one of the loves of my life. At that time we had 2 other cats and a dog. When we came home with him to bury him in the back yard we didn’t let the other animals see us do it. Within hours our other cat was acting strange, as if to say, hey, why didn’t you bring him back? It took a full 2-1/2 weeks of the other cat meowing, pacing and scratching at the door , before he calmed down. The dog and the number 3 cat didn’t seem to notice he was gone.
This past April our dog passed away at home after a 2 month illness. We wanted him to pass away in our home, comforted by his ‘friends’. It was a rough go but its what worked best for us.
All of the other pets, the cats, saw him dead, as he chose to pass while I was sleeping. I really think it traumatized the one cat, yes, the same one who missed his buddy when we took him to be put down.
We buried the dog in the back yard and the cat saw us remove him from the house and was watching from the window as we laid him to rest.
That day the cat wasn’t himself and within 3 weeks, he too had passed away. A seemingly healthy cat of 21. He stopped eating . These animals were pals, buddies, friends to the end. I hadn’t realized just how close they had become over the years.
I was stressed for months about this ordeal. Loosing 2 animals within a 3 week time frame was devastating.
Now that I’ve had time to think things over I still ask myself: was it better on the rest of the ‘family of pets’ to just have one of them go with mom and never come back? Or was it better to let them see the animal who passed away?? I’ve dealt with both sides of this and I feel ( in my heart) it was probably best to have taken the ‘friend’ away, and not let the other animals see. It rips your heart out watching them mourn their friends but it sure beats the feelings you get when they pass because they KNOW they lost their friend.

Give your baby extra love, it’ll help him and you.
Big hugs.

 

[BXR MOM]

I honestly don't know if letting Dexter see the body would have made any difference. Here is my experience:

We lost an 8.5 year old to lymphoma and we let her go at the oncology clinic. She had been in and out of the hospital for about 10 days. I never let her sister say good bye, probably because I was in denial that she was not coming home. I don't recall what Lucy did when she didn't come home, but I really do feel that she became depressed and withdrawn. Lucy came into the home as the "second" boxer. She never knew what it was like to be by herself. She quit sleeping with us, and spent all of her time on her and Lexus' couch. She wouldn't play and spent a lot of time by herself. We got her brother three months later and within 24 hours she was back to herself. It was truly amazing to see her come back to life!

I see that Dexter is 11, so maybe getting a new pup might not be what he wants. However, maybe he would benefit from some play time with another boxer.

Sorry about your loss. I hope you are doing better. It is never easy.

 

[Gin&Dex]

Thank you all for your kinds words, and for sharing your stories.

I guess the question of whether or not to let the surviving pet see is very very tough to answer. I may never know if I did the right thing for Dexter, but I do think he understands. And that makes me feel better.

I've thought about getting Dexter another buddy, but I just don't think it's the right thing for him. He is 11 years old, and I think he and I will have our alone time now. He was the "second" dog and never got to have his alone time. We've been having lots of fun, going for rides, and playing, but he still seems a little lost. And I know he will for a while. I think another buddy (especially a pesky puppy) might offend him. But then again, I don't know--he still acts like a puppy himself!

If something (another puppy or dog) were to "land right in my lap", I'd consider it, but it would have to be the scenario where "Ginger sent it to us". I know that sounds a little goofy, but that is the way it would have to be. And even if we were to get a puppy/dog, and Dexter lives 2 or 3+ more years, I don't want to watch another pet grieve for their lost friend. It is so hard.... I know it IS life, but geez... it's heartbreaking. I've always said that 2 boxers are the only thing better than A boxer, but I don't even know if I'll ever have 2 again. I just don't know... it's too soon to think about, I guess.

I do think playtime with another dog (boxer) would be good... I may try to post something in the "boxer bash" forum, but I don't expect much luck finding anyone local. I may even ask my vet if Dexter could play with his boxer someday. (Good idea!!)

But again, thanks to you all for your well wishes. I'm so glad I have my friends at Boxerworld to talk to. We'll get through this!

 

[Laila23]

That is definitely a hard question to answer. I would say let them see the body. An experience I have had is with a horse, not a dog. One of our horses gave birth to what is called a lethal white. They are completely white horses and some of them look perfect, but some have their organs outside of their skin. It's very heartbreaking. Though it is rare, go figure, our horse gave birth to a beautiful, perfect looking lethal white. Within a couple hours they have to be put down b/c they're in so much pain. Our equine vet said it was going to be very stressful on the mom. Because the mothers are so attached right after birth, you can't just take the dead baby away from them. So once we put her to sleep, we laid her in the pasture with the mom. She laid next to her baby and nuzzled her and cleaned her. It took a good half day for her to finally realize(or accept) that her baby was gone. She then got up and left her baby lying there. We then burried her in the pasture. She still looked for her and called to her, but I think it was easier for her to let go in the long run.

 

[iloveboxerz]

Hi Melanie,

I just caught your thread, I am getting the internet at home so I will be on more often. I am sorry that Dexter is having such a hard time. When I had to let Mookie go we took Chance to the vet with us. They were together in the room until it was time for the shots and then we took Chance out until it was over and then brought him back in. He didn't spend much time with Mookie just sniffed him and then left the room. He didn't look for him and he seemed to know that he was not coming back. I think that him seeing Mookie gave him closure because before when I would just take Mookie to the vet if he had to stay over night Chance would look for him and he doesn't do that. The only problem I have with him is that he thinks that he needs to lay on my lap at all times when we are in the house. He and my son compete for that spot in the evening. He has also started sleeping under the covers since it has started getting colder. I will probably never have 2 dogs again because of the fights my 2 got into, they were horrible. I know that if I had not been able to get them apart that one would have ended up killing the other. I also don't plan on getting another one while I still have Chance. I'm not sure how long I will have him, he has started dragging his back leg. Everything I have read about his symptoms have not been promising. I have an appointment with the vet on Tuesday. I hope that things start improving for you and Dexter soon, I know how you feel and how hard it is. You and Dexter are in my thoughts and prayers. Chance and I send you lots of HUGS and SLOBBERY KISSES.

 

[sanford7]

((((hugs)))) Melanie I am so sorry!! I have always let mine see and smell the body before burying it. I too explain and cry along with them. When I still lived at home we had a shepherd and a dobie (the dobie was the second dog and several years younger) Heidi died during the night, we all knew she was going..Luke(dobie) stayed by her side all night long. He went into a depression for several days..not eating and crying. He would even pee in his spot.. He was literally heart broken. It took several weeks for him to get through it. It just takes time for them as it does for us.. Dexter probably knows and is just grieving..(((hugs)))
Ollie and JD seem to be going on with life after Tug but Gracie is a complete loss. She varies from extreme underfoot to extreme lonesome.. She is moderating a bit better here this week. Her and Tug were best buddies..

 

[Gin&Dex]

Kathy, I hope your appointment goes well with the vet. I think about you and Chance and Mookie a LOT! I have often wondered (especially lately) how Chance is doing. Thanks for sharing your story about the trip to the vet. I didn't even think about taking Dexter with us. I wish I had thought of it. That Monday that I took Ginger to the vet, I knew what was happening, but it was like I wasn't even here... I was just going through the motions.... I wasn't *thinking*. I could kick myself for not thinking more about Dexter, but... I just wasn't thinking... not even of myself.... just of Ginger. I don't even think I ate anything that day...

Karen, I'm sorry about Tug, but thanks for sharing your story with me. Tug was just a baby, and I hate hearing those stories, but he's running with Ginger now, pestering her!! LOL! I sure hope all of our babies are having a GREAT time at the bridge!! I can see Ginger now....

This has been my first experience having 2 dogs at the same time, and I have to say, I've learned a lot in the last month+. IF I ever have 2 again (and I'm not sure I will), I will do things differently. I think letting them see and sniff is appropriate and healing. I just hate that I waited so long to ask that question to all of you...

Again, my thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. I really appreciate them.

Melanie & Dexter

 

[Slobber Baby]

Just so you know I'm still sending hugs to you...and slobbery kisses to Dexter...
You are doing the right thing...for you and Dexter...I completely understand about "something" falling in your lap...you will know what to do...

Laura