Rena&Chopper
Boxer Pal
I cannot actually believe I am sitting here, writing about this. I hoped and prayed that this day would not come so soon and here it has...
In October of '04, I posted about Rena's vet visit that ended in finding out she had cancer. I remember how mortified and sad I was at the time, but compared to the way I feel now, it was nothing.
This past Monday (1/3/05), I made the single most difficult decision of my life---to help her end the pain. She had gotten to the point where she would fall when she tried to use the bathroom and would just give up and lay there while she went...eventually starting to do it inside as well. Her appetite stayed strong up until her last few breaths (I snuck her a biscuit before the vet came in the room). She had also began developing large bed sores on her elbows that started to bleed and smell rather bad..that was the deciding factor for me. I knew that those few bed sores would just turn into more and more.
The night before, I laid with her on her fleece doggie bed and held her in my arms, almost falling asleep beside her. We took her to say goodbye to my dad (whom loved her dearly) and I was joined by my mother and boyfriend for that most horrific trip. She had to be carried inside...I sat with her on the floor in the waiting room, crying. There were a few people there with their pets, smiling and happy---that made me even more upset. The vet gave her a once over and pointed out to me how atrophied her muscles had become. She had nothing on the top of her head but skin-you could feel every dent and crevice of her skull.
Prolonging the agony of the whole thing, when they injected her the first time, they lost her vein-it collapsed. So we had to go through the whole thing a second time...I held her head in my arms, kissing her the whole time and after the second shot, I felt her head drop and I lost all control of my emotions. I don't think I've ever been that upset in my entire life...she was my heart..my first boxer. I felt we were both cheated..she was only 9 years old..and I had only gotten to be with her for 5 of those years.
I walk through my house and expect to see her and when I don't, I go back into fits of crying. Thank God for my other boxer baby, Chopper. He has consoled me beyond belief...his face tells me, "mommy, don't cry. I'm here and I love you..." he licks my tears, and snuggles me when I need it most. Without him, this would be 100 times harder..
But I am still in such an unbelievable amount of pain I can barely stand it. I'm truly lost and miserable without her.
Rena, my baby girl, I love you and miss you more than I could ever say in words. You were so knoble, loyal and true to me, you can never be replaced..even as just a memory, you'll never leave my heart.
In October of '04, I posted about Rena's vet visit that ended in finding out she had cancer. I remember how mortified and sad I was at the time, but compared to the way I feel now, it was nothing.
This past Monday (1/3/05), I made the single most difficult decision of my life---to help her end the pain. She had gotten to the point where she would fall when she tried to use the bathroom and would just give up and lay there while she went...eventually starting to do it inside as well. Her appetite stayed strong up until her last few breaths (I snuck her a biscuit before the vet came in the room). She had also began developing large bed sores on her elbows that started to bleed and smell rather bad..that was the deciding factor for me. I knew that those few bed sores would just turn into more and more.
The night before, I laid with her on her fleece doggie bed and held her in my arms, almost falling asleep beside her. We took her to say goodbye to my dad (whom loved her dearly) and I was joined by my mother and boyfriend for that most horrific trip. She had to be carried inside...I sat with her on the floor in the waiting room, crying. There were a few people there with their pets, smiling and happy---that made me even more upset. The vet gave her a once over and pointed out to me how atrophied her muscles had become. She had nothing on the top of her head but skin-you could feel every dent and crevice of her skull.
Prolonging the agony of the whole thing, when they injected her the first time, they lost her vein-it collapsed. So we had to go through the whole thing a second time...I held her head in my arms, kissing her the whole time and after the second shot, I felt her head drop and I lost all control of my emotions. I don't think I've ever been that upset in my entire life...she was my heart..my first boxer. I felt we were both cheated..she was only 9 years old..and I had only gotten to be with her for 5 of those years.
I walk through my house and expect to see her and when I don't, I go back into fits of crying. Thank God for my other boxer baby, Chopper. He has consoled me beyond belief...his face tells me, "mommy, don't cry. I'm here and I love you..." he licks my tears, and snuggles me when I need it most. Without him, this would be 100 times harder..
But I am still in such an unbelievable amount of pain I can barely stand it. I'm truly lost and miserable without her.
Rena, my baby girl, I love you and miss you more than I could ever say in words. You were so knoble, loyal and true to me, you can never be replaced..even as just a memory, you'll never leave my heart.
