our sweet boy Slash

[chrismangels]

Just minutes ago I realised that I simply forgot Slash's birthday, last week. He's left us two months ago at the age of nearly 13. At this point I feel I can deal with the fact that he is dead: in the end we all die. But I don't seem to be able to deal with the guilt that I feel. I feel very responsible because of his death. I let the vet decide what to do, so he had an operation (he had a small tumor removed) but the vet also removed his testicles because he "assumed" he also had testicular cancer. "assumed"... So I let him go about his bussiness. And that was were it all went wrong: Slash developed a massive infection and there was now way of controlling it. So eventually he died. And all because I, stupid idiot, let the vet decide what to do, and not make him focus himself at the major issue: a small tumor that had to be removed. My beautiful little sweetheart, how on earth can I make it up to you??? I guess I can't, can I? God, I would do ANYTHING to turn back time and make the right desicion this time. My dearest friend, I thought that I was doing the right thing for you, but in the end I simply f*cked up and let the vet decide what to do, in all my sorry ignorance.
Right now, my wife is at her fitness class and my two little baby girls are sound asleep (in Belgium it is night time now), so I'm here alone with my darkest feelings and massive feelings of guilt. And I can't deal with it. Because in the end, it was I that failed. What's left to say?

 

[harlie'smom]

Its not ignorance, he is the professional that should now what he was doing, how were you supposed to know what was best for him. Dont blame yourself for this. You did not fail him, you gave him a wonderful loving life and thats all he will remember. It breaks my heart that you are being so hard on yourself. Just remember all of the good times you had together and that will bring a huge smile to your face.

 

[Slobber Baby]

You made the best decision, the dr is the one that messed up..I'm so very sorry for your loss...no words can express how sorry I am for your family..my heart goes out to you and your family...Godspeed Slash...

Laura

 

[Poohsmom]

Please,Please,Please...do not blame yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!! You loved Slash,did what you thought was best for him-on the advice of the vet. The blame should be laid at his feet NOT yours. I am so,so sorry for your loss.That sweet boy knew how much he was loved and is watching over you now.

Run free sweet boy.Chase all the pretty girls and watch over your family,they are hurting and missing you so.

Sue and the kids,Pooh,Bownser,Dozer & Cissy
Buddy & Dusty,romping at the bridge

 

[My Calla]

I agree with all of the others...there was no way to know. You trusted a professional to do what was right and he screwed up, not you. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and my heart broke when I read your post. Godspeed Slash...run pain-free and know that your family loved you so very much.

 

[sweetboxer]

You can't blame yourself for a decision that the doctor made. In the end, they're the ones who know about this stuff, not us. We put our faith and trust in them that they will do the right thing. It's just like us going to the doctor. Unfortunately, sometimes things don't always work out as planned. Sometimes things go wrong and sometimes they don't. But you can't blame yourself for trying to help your baby. I sometimes blame myself for not getting Cadence to the vet quicker b/c maybe we could have gotten a better handle on her cancer if I had. But I do believe that we're all here for a purpose and some of us take longer than others to fulfill that purpose. In Cadence's case, she fulfilled hers much earlier than I wanted her to. There's no way of knowing whether Slash would have gotten an infection if he hadn't had that surgery, either. For some reason, his body couldn't fight off the infection. So even if he hadn't had his surgery, he still might have had something going on. There was no way for you to know that. We can't control what happens at the vet's office, no matter how hard we might like to! I definitely can attest to that! Know that your boy is safe and without pain. He's okay now. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself for his death. It was just his time. It just sucks for us b/c we're never ready for it to be their time. Treasure all of your wonderful memories and focus on them, not on his death. He wouldn't want you to focus on the end, only on the life that he led. Your boy is safe...rest assured all of our babies are taking care of each other.

Run free, sweet boy.

 

[Elyse]

I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. In no way should you blame youself for what has happened. You did what you believed was the best for you baby. Like Nicole said, we put our trust in the professionals and that is what we need to do. There are lots of situations where things don't work out the way he hoped for with our loved ones and our furry loved ones. I am sure you are a wonderful daddy and that Slash knows that and loves you very much!!!!

Godspeed sweet boy Slash and please watch over daddy. He misses you very much.

 

[Julie P.]

And that was were it all went wrong: Slash developed a massive infection and there was now way of controlling it. So eventually he died. And all because I, stupid idiot, let the vet decide what to do, and not make him focus himself at the major issue: a small tumor that had to be removed.

I understand so much how you feel as my boxer girl Magic caught an infection from a surgery also. I've hated myself for my lack of knowledge prior to her surgery. She was a healthy and beautiful girl and would still be with me today if I would not have driven her to the vet. It was my hands that kept her safe and it was also my hands that drove her to the vet…to the end of her days.

I've searched the BW board, for the last year, looking for someone who may have had a similar experience as what I had gone through with Magic. Magic had a small tumor on her gums and she needed her teeth cleaned. She caught an infection from this simple procedure. Magic and I fought the infection for 4 months…we lost the battle.

I can't even explain the pain and anger I have felt since she died last September. The only thought that has kept me going is that I would never have allowed this to happen to Magic if I would have only known…never. I loved her too much. I think when we think about what took our sweet babies away from us, we have to remember that we loved them with our whole heart and would never have hurt them.

I am so very sorry for all that you have gone through and as I type and the tears are rolling down my checks I am sincerely wishing that things could have been different. How sad that we had to go through this.

 

[brunosmommy]

I am so very sorry to hear about your poor baby Slash. Please don't hold any guilt. It is not your fault at all. That doctor is the one to be upset with. I am so against regular medical doctors... they act like they know it all. When my baby Bruno was diagnosed with cancer, they put such fear in me and Bruno. Saying that there was nothing for them to do... not even surgery would help. All they wanted to do was pump chemicals into his body and give him radiation. Well I found a holistic vet that was amazing, and he lived an extra four months happy and himself. The tumor was slowly going away, but it reached his brain too quickly.

Anyways, enough about me. From the sounds of it, you did all you could for your Slash. He lived a wonderful life and is so very grateful for that. Just know that he is always with you... he is still your best friend. When you quiet your mind... you will hear/feel him talking to you.

He's up at the bridge playing with my Bruno, chasing butterflies, kitties, and squirrels!!

 

[Shakira's Ma]

Please do not blame yourself. It is so obvious that you loved Slash with all of your heart and soul, no one would ever even think that you are responsible in any way for his death. Like everyone has said, you put the decision making into the hands of the vet, the professional, and that is what most of us would do because we would want, what we would assume, to be the best thing for our babies. I think that probably everyone would feel a sense of guilt, but, really it is just an unfortunate thing that happened and no one, not you or the vet is responsible, God needed an elderly gentleman to look after all these young babies that are passing on lately, all to soon. Please find contentment in your heart that you only did what you thought was best for your baby boy.