Orson Has Died

[ROB]

Jeez Jeff,
I was in your shoes not too long ago. In Jan. of '99, My wife lost her brother to suicide. It had a devestating affect on her and about 2 months later we where laying in bed one night and and she said "I want a baby", I said "How about a puppy?"
We went to a dog show in downtown Detroit that weekend and fell in love with the boxers. 2 days later my wife bumped into someone at petsmart with a boxer, and after talking to them they gave my wife a card from there breeder. My wife called and they told her they had 11 boxers, been breeding them for 2 generations, all the health tests where done and they had 3 females expecting in May. We talked it over and decided we just wanted a pet, so we would settle for a white one if they had one and a female.
We got a call in May to say between the 3 females, 25 pups where born and there was one white female. "We will take it!" my wife yelled out and we all knew we had our pup. We went out there (25 miles) every other week to visit, take pictures, let her get used to her name, Phaylynn.
We picked her up July 2nd, 99, she was so smart, potty training went quick, She was a frisbee dog, something I always wanted. I always felt she was a gift from above, something to help our hearts heal.
On Jan. 2nd, 2000, 6 months to the day from when we picked her up, she got out of our yard and was hit by a car, we rushed her to the Vet, but she didnt make it. It has to be one of the top 3 devestating things in my life. The only thing that got me through was when we called the breeder, she told us one of her dogs just had a littler, we went out there to check them out, like I said she had 11 boxers (3 generations) and we noticed this pretty brindle girl who's lip got caught on a tooth like Phaylynns, my wife started to cry, then my daughter, then the breeder, then her daughter. They left the room for a conference and came back and offered us Puckers! She was 3 years old at the time and was very sickly as a pup, and after surgury to save her life the knew they could not breed her but was looking for agood enough home for her.
The first couple of days where kind of shakey but I dont know what we would of done with out her.
No one would replace Orson but please think about a rescue, I bet if you just started to look Orson would guide you to the right one! The week between losing Phaylynn and getting Puckers was absolute hell. ( By the way, we havent stopped, we rescued MAx about 6 week later and just got Nuesheler last weekend!)

Take Care, Rob

 

[jeffisonline]

Thanks Rob...

Thanks for writing to me.
Part of me really thinks it would be a great idea to get another dog, the other says NO!

The problem I have is that I didn't want or exspect to lose Orson, and the life we had was ours.
I am not so sure I would find the same comfort in another dog as other have.
As a matter of fact my mom has 3 Rottweilers at home (big house/yard) and although I think they are great, I really have no interest in them at all.
I actually get angry when they are playing in the yard, and Orson isn't able to play anymore.

I went to see a puppy a few weeks ago, and although he was great, I didn't see him being a part of my life.

Maybe someday, but I really thank you for your advice, and maybe I should at least go see some Boxers before I decide not too.

Thanks!
Jeff

 

[bustermom]

Jeff, I have to agree with Rob. Welcoming a special dog into your heart helps immensely with the healing process.

Carlos was my once in a lifetime dog. He died of congestive heart failure at the age of 14 on 7/14/02. I got him as a puppy when I was 19. He was my first dog. He died in the emergency animal hospital on a weekend my husband and I were out of town at a family reunion. In a way, I know he waited for me to leave as I would NEVER have had the strength to give the doctor permission to let him go. I had been feeling miserable and distracted all that day. When my husband's cell phone rang while we were on the shuttle bus heading back to the car, I burst into tears and started cying "Don't answer it! Carlos is gone!". He looked at me funny (as did the rest of my family), and sure enough it was his brother, who had been house/dog sitting and gave us the bad news. The hole he left in my heart has never really healed (the tears are running down my face right now).

But I know that on his way up to Heaven, he found Buster's unborn spirit and "tagged" him for us. None of the canine loves in our life will ever live long enough. But knowing that there will be a succession of special dogs, each one chosen by those who came before, helps us deal with the pain.

Trixie chose Maggie for us back in 1995, and Carlos chose Buster for us in 2002. Orson just hasn't found the right one for you yet. But when he does, he'll touch him/her with his paw and say "It's your job to look after my Dad for a little while. I'll be watching and helping from here. Make me proud". You'll know that dog when you meet him or her. Trust me. Our dogs, especially our once-in-a-lifetime dogs, don't want us to be alone and unhappy and will see to it that when we're ready, the next chosen one will be there for us.

 

[BoxerLuv82]

Jeff I do agree witht he others advice, another dog may help the ehaling process. Although it must be difficult, keep in mind that you're not trying to "replace" Orson in any way. He'll always be in you heart and always be looking out for you. Like it's been mentioned, he will guide you to the dog right for you, could be a puppy or could be a rescue. Before you put the idea out of mind.. try taking a look at some, maybe Orson will let you know then.

Claudia

 

[Scorpio]

I have to agree with the others! I am sure Orson would want you to have another best friend in your life. He would want you to go on with your life. When my girlfriend lost her best friend she had a frame made with her dogs collar, pictures, tags etc and glassed in and she keeps it on the wall as a tribute to her its really beautiful, she nows has two more huskie pups. She found that it was the best way to go because she had so much love inside that she had to share it with a close friend again. It was not a betrayal but a way to give another best friend a home and love. Jeff you have so much love for Orson please give some of this love to another. I also lost a best friend once and said I would never get another the pain was too much to bear but when you look into those eyes you know its the right thing to do.

colleen

 

[peanutmom]

When I lost Peanut, I cried for days. But having Popcorn there to lay beside me and give me her unconditional love helped so much I cannot even put it into words. Peanut was my best friend and the greatest companion I could have ever asked for. She comforted me when I was sad, and went crazy with wiggles and kisses when I laughed. I can still feel her head resting on my leg, as if it is too heavy to hold up herself. I can also still feel her breathing as I lay next to her, holding her in my arms the night before I had to put her to sleep, it was irregualr and shallow and as I lay there holding her I felt her relax and go to sleep. When the vet gave her that shot, I felt her relax and fall asleep in my arms. I knew this time she would not awaken and give me kisses, but I know those kisses and wiggles will be waiting for me when my time comes. I questioned my desicion and always knew it was right for her but recenlty read something that brought it all into perspective for me... I loved her enough to let her go. You loved Orson so much that at that moment you knew that even though it was not right for you, you gave back that unconditional love he had given you and you loved him enough to let him go. To let him go and be free from the cancer and wait for you in peace and happiness. Orson's love for you continues just like your love for him continues. He will be there waiting for you and your reunion will be a sight to see

Consider another dog, I know it is hard to imagine but please consider it. You obviously have so much love to give and there are so many abused and neglected Boxers out there that need someone just like you to give them the safe loveing home they deserve. They call it rescue for a reason and I think in your case that baby would rescue you just as much as you would be rescuing it. Orson would not want you to be sad, he would want you to laugh and be happy. Do not let all that love go to waste, share your love for Orson with another Boxer baby. I have found that I think of Peanut all the time, because I see something that Popcorn or Chewy does and it makes me laugh that much harder because I remember how crazy Peanut could get. I honestly beleive in those moments Peanut is letting me know that she is still with me by being there in the eyes and spirit of my other babies. I got Popcorn before Peanut left me and even though I am sure she does not remember I tell her stories about her "big sister" and the crazy things she used to do. Share your love, I think you will find the rewards are amazing.

I feel your pain and share in your sadness.

 

[boxers4life2001]

It may seem odd that someone would be so devestated about a dog, but he was the greatest thing that ever happened to my life, and I found unconditional love with him.

Jeff,

It is NOT odd at all!!!!! I have followed your post's about Orson from the very beginging. I prayed he would pull though his sickness and cried my eyes out when I saw the post about him going to the bridge. It's so very appearent how much you both loved each other and the bond the two of you shared was very special. I unfortunatly have been in your shoes three times. I also lost one of my baby's to cancer (lymphoma), she was a mixed breed. Everyone is different about if/when they want to get another dog after their baby dies. I think it's a personal decision and only you will know when the time is right. I found great comfort in bringing Chance into my life a few months after my first boxer Howie died. I was very torn as to when/if I should open my heart and soul to another dog, even up until the day I brought him home. I will say, it did help me tremendously. The first week I will admit that I did have some reservations as to if I did the right thing. I would ask myself things like, "I hope Howie isn't mad at me", "I hope everyone knows Chance is not Howie's replacement", etc......... All of the dogs that I have lost will never, ever be able to be replaced. They all hold a VERY special place in my heart that will never be touched by anyone. What I did find with Chance is that once I let my gaurd down, I relized I had a big enough heart to share with other dogs. They all are so unique in their own special ways and before you know it, they are touching a new place in your heart that once again will never be touched by anyone else.
Everytime time I read your posts I sit and cry because I know how bad it hurts and how empty and lost you feel. I just want to reach through the monitor and give you a great big hug and let you know we are here for you and your not alone. To some people, it may sound sad to them when I say I "live" for my "kids." They are the reason I wake up every morning, they are one of the only things that actually keep me going in life, without them I would feel like a nobody. When I let a new dog into my life, I give them my all. They get my entire heart and soul, just like you seem to do. I think I know exactly how you are feeling and it's so hard. I do believe in my heart that one day when the time is right, you will open your heart and life to another special "kid." You have entirely to much love, heart, and sole to keep it to yourself. You were an awesome father to Orson and will be once again. I looked at the pictures on your site of Orson and it is obvious why he touched your heart/life so tremendiously. He looks like he was so full of love and was absolutly adorable. I will be keeping you in my thoughts!!!!!!!

~Carrie~

 

[Cindy Creel]

Jeff,

As I have said before, when Duchess died because of my ignorance, I thought my world had ended. The thought of a replacement was too much to bare. When my husband came home with Samson and Delilah, I had two to love. It may sound strange but they both seem to have part of Duchess in them. When I got their family tree , I saw that Duchess' mom was their father's mother also. Samson always brings me toys like Duchess did. Delilah likes to snuggle and kiss like Duchess. Samson has Duchess's eyes, while Delilah has Duchess's wrinkles. I know that Duchess is still with me through them. You would be surprised how much love you may have inside of your heart. Loving another creature will surely take the place of any anger that you may be feeling. In time I hope that your heart heals enough for you to share your love again with another fur baby. There are so many that will never know love until someone loves them.

Cindy

 

[Cindy]

Jeff, I know what you're going through. I had to send my Rocky
to the Rainbow Bridge one year ago today. I was dreading the
anniversary, knowing how sad it would be. Rocky was so sick
that last night, with siezures coming every 8-10 minutes. His
medication was not helping anymore. I know I did the right
thing, but that doesn't make it any easier. Time does help
somewhat. He was such a huge part of my life, and losing him
was the hardest thing. I know he was just a dog, but the sorrow
was the worst I had ever been through. It does get easier, and I
think a website would be a great way to honor him. Try to
remember his life and not focus on his horrible last day. You are
in mys thoughts and prayers.

 

[Joan I.]

Hi Jeff:
I wrote to you some time ago. Just read the latest on your thread and you sure do have a lot of people that care for you! And for Orson!

I can see you are still in a huge amount of suffering, and I feel for you. I still cry all the time over Buster, who died right around the time Orson did, Jan 12, to be exact.

Everyone is hoping for you Jeff that you will see it in your heart to adopt a boxer to come in to your home, a puppy or a grown dog. I too felt very hesitant about getting a new dog. Of course, the way fate would have it, and I am sure, the way Buster still took care of me after he died, I have been blessed with 2 dog angels who came to live with me after Buster had to go.

The first was Saturn, a little French bull dog, who I baby-sat for 2 weeks after Buster died. I actually met Saturn by fluke at a friend's house I happened to drop by several weeks before Buster died. He just jumped into my lap and stayed there, and I thought he was so sweet. Buster wasn't sick then, and I had no idea he would be gone shortly after I met Saturn. It turned out that my friend's daughter, who owned Saturn, was going on vacation for 2 weeks, about 4 days after Buster died. My friend arranged for Saturn to come to our house. I knew he wouldn't be staying longer than two weeks, so there was no commitment, and I agreed to the plan.

That little angel Saturn gave me a furry body to hug, cry on, and take care of. I still grieved like crazy over Buster, but he did help me. He made it so the emptiness wasn't so empty in my house.

Then, again as fate would have it, my former husband called me and said his breeder had a grown boxer that really needed a home. It was very tough to make the decision, but we decided to adopt her. She has been with us for just over 2 weeks. At first when she came, I felt sad, and strange. Seeing this strange new boxer in my home made me miss Buster more, because it made me realize what a unique dog Buster was, and how I would never replace him, and that he was gone forever. Somehow having Kaylee made Buster's death more real.

But that did not make me want her less. Just having her doggie warmth, smell, and energy in my house gave me something to look forward to. I knew she would be there at the door when I came home, and that empty space where Buster was and had left wouldn't torture me anymore. And knowing she really needed someone to believe in, to help her heal from her past, took me outside of myself and my own pain and made me realize this girl needed me to love her. And she makes me laugh! I can't help myself, she's so funny! She's loving and kind, and I know, on a soul level, that SHE knows she is getting another chance, and lord, this little brindle girl REALLY wants to have a home... Just knowing what she went through before puts tears in my eyes... In the beginning, I felt like the only way I could bring another dog into my home was to do it for her... the dog... Give her the gift of what I knew was a great home. After all, it was all here for her; we are set up for a boxer, ( or two!) But now, I know, just like Buster and Baylee were my angel babies, Kaylee is another angel, sent for the purpose of loving me into healing. I am her gift, she is mine.

Nothing will ever bring back Buster and Baylee, and I will always feel longing when I think about them. Even Kaylee cannot change that for me. But I do feel love for her, and I am so grateful for her.

I hope that by sharing my story, you will feel inspired to consider helping a sweet boxer who needs you. (I have a feeling you need this boxer too...) It is obvious you have a HUGE heart, full of so much love, what a terrible waste that some boxer out there who really needs that love to survive may not meet you. Orson wants you to be happy Jeff. I am sure he would tell you that he would hope that because you had such a great experience with him, you could never be without a dog again! Perhaps if you don't want to make a comittment to adopting a dog, or getting a puppy, you might want to consider offering your services as a "foster dad." Lord knows the rescue people always depserately need people who will foster these poor outcast babies. I think you'd be great at it!

Peace to you Jeff,

Joni