No Custody Battle for Bentley...I pray

[PIPERC]

Since Bentley came into my life in June 2003, I have watched this lovely creature grow, go through stages, delighted in her much-better-than-Walmart-greetings when I walk through the door (no matter if I saw her 15 minutes ago), taken her to obedience class, fed her, watered her, made the vet appointments and taken her, brushed her teeth, bathed her, exercised her, etc. She is a part of me and I take great comfort in her presence. She is like my child.

Last night, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that he needs time alone to ...I don't know. I don't know anything at this point. I am numb. I feel like my heart has been torn out. He said he has been unhappy for a while which is news to me. He's a good actor. I mentioned that communication is a vital part of any relationship and that any relationship involves work. Some days you may wake up totally in love with someone and other days wonder what you ever saw in them. He was crying last night and saying that he wasn't happy with himself and that until he was, he wouldn't be any good to me or anyone else. I was so dumbfounded that I did not mention counseling for one or both.

He did say that he would never take Bentley away as he knows how much she means to me. He loves this boxer so much and it all breaks my heart but at least I don't have to fight for custody - at least I hope not. It would kill me if I lost her too.

I moved to Chicago to be with this man and I still love him. I love his family too. Every day I counted my lucky stars to have a man like him in my life. He probably saved my life which is a whole other story. He says he has never cheated on me nor is there anyone else at this point. Words cannot communicate the heartache and dismay.

I have alot of decisions to make and I'm thankful I have a wonderful woman friend to offer wisdom and counsel. My parents are also wonderful as are his parents. We are all shocked beyond belief.

My Ex-SO and I have always had fun together - this is about the time we start planning our Utah ski trips. I'm so perplexed. I don't know what I hope to accomplish by spilling this over the net. My thoughts aren't any clearer but I do know that by taking this one day at a time and lots of prayers on my part and those who know me, this will pass.

 

[momstaxi]

Oh I feel so bad for you. it's hard enough anytime but especially when you had no warning. maybe he just needs some time. Hard to tell,but so glad he left Bentley with you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck.
Michele

 

[kelseighgirl]

I am so sorry that your heart is aching right now. Atleast you have the love and support of family, friends, and most of all Bentley.
Hang in there and keep your head up.

 

[BeckyNC]

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Your ex-SO sounds as if he has a lot on his mind... Relationships are so great when they are good, but so hard when issues such as yours come up.

It sounds as if you are taking advantage of the resources (friends and family) available to you, which is great. I wish you the best.

Becky

 

[craZ4HERKIE]

I am sorry that you are going through this. It sounds as if you were caught totally off guard and thrown for a loop. It sounds like he may be going through a depression of sorts? Maybe when you get your thoughts together, you should mention this to him, at the very least he should go. And now is the time for your to involve yourself in everything that you can...don't sit at home and mope. Believe me, I know how hard this can be...as I am fresh out of a relationship. Go out with friends, family...whatever, just stay busy! I'm not saying go get a new BF....because when ex-SO sees the light...he'll probably be running back to you! And always remember...you have your Bentley to lean on....they can provide a great deal of comfort, and their goofy antics can always bring a smile to your face!

And if you don't do it already...start a journal...pour your feelings onto paper...or hard drive! When I need to...I go to Oprah.com, and write in my private on-line journal! It's an awesome website....and you can share your journals or keep them private. And there are also message boards...like here...about relationships, health...etc...etc! But we are always here...I've found that the people here at BW always come through for each other!

 

[MyGirlHeidi]

I hope things work out for you. Sometimes you do need a break to realize how much the other person really means to you. I know my sister did the same thing to her BF at the time. She really did love him but some things needed to change for their relationship to work in the long run. They took a break (it was right before the holidays too) and went their ways. Today, they have been married for 9 years and have 3 children. For now take some time for yourself and live for you. Don't worry about the future...you should plan that ski trip and take some friends..have fun (I know way easier said than done)! I'm glad you get to keep Bently. Stay positive.

 

[TYS0NSM0MMA]

Men can be so funny, they want you then they need time to themselves. The big difference here is that he seems to really care about you, he knows you are close to Bentley and isn't being a jerk and trying to take her away. Is this his first real relationship? Chris (my boyfriend) and I went through this last year. He had always dated "world class turds" (as I call them) they used him, abused him and dumped him like a bag of boxer turds in the dumpster. He and I met and I knew he was special, we dated for a week at first then he dumped me because "he needed some space" then we got back together (the same night!) because he said "I am such an idiot to have thought to leave you" so we dated again for another week when he dumped me again. After that I was so hurt because although it had only been a few weeks of dating I felt a real connection to him. I however respected him and that he may just need some space and time to absorb the whole idea of being together. We remained friends, but didn't hang out as much as we used to, I still cared about him but figured that there was either a "distraction" or he lost interest, so I started seeing other people. (Which was a mistake may I add, it hurt him and he thought I moved on.. whole other story!) A few weeks later and a few nice talks with each other and remaining just friends, it was August 15 2003 the day of the Blackout I spent the evening with him and friends of ours, when I left to go home he and everyone else had been drinking and I was tired so I left for home (my dads house at the time) when I arrived there it was on fire!! I freaked out and called his (Chris') house, I think my friend Nick answered and I said something like "Oh hi nick?" and he could tell something was wrong he asked what was going on and I lost it I yelled "my *$%@ing house is burning down" he said they were on their way. 10 minutes must of passed and in that time I was finally allowed to see my dad who was in an ambulance, the paramedics wanted to take him to hospital for smoke inhalation when I came out of the ambulance Chris was there waiting for me. I collapsed in his arms and started weeping, he held me and stayed quiet. After that night we spent more time together as friends and we really started to bond. His family really likes me, even his mom! and on the 30th of August he asked me if I could forgive him for being a jerk to me. I did, but I don't think it was him being a jerk. Sometimes life can overwhelm you and you don't realize it right away, sometimes it can take a major event to realize what you almost lost. Chris thought that night when he heard me screaming on the phone that I was hurt, he thought I was in the house when it was burning, he thought he was going to lose me. Our relationship started out too much too fast, we took some steps back and gave each other room and allowed each other to meet properly.

Perhaps you both could use a step back? Re-introduce yourselves, go out on a few dates. Also if he doesn't feel good about himself he won't be good to you, although he may be acting nice and like a great guy he may start to resent having to act that way when he doesnt feel that way. Perhaps ask him a few questions like: what is bugging him? Will time alone help or make things worse? is a step back a good idea? I don't think that asking about conseling for both of you is a good idea, men especially those who dislike talking dont like being forced to talk, you could mention that if he is uncomfortable talking to you, to talk to another close friend of his? Perhaps your christmas present to him could be sending him to do an activity he likes solo? maybe some time to himself is what the doctor ordered.

You have to remember that it IS NOT you, it can be any number of things but obviously he still cares for you since he is willing to part with a boxer that he cares for so much. He sounds like a great guy who may just need some time. You mentioned your EX? are you considering him your ex now? or is this someone else? if it is him perhaps having the "usual trips" are getting predictable? maybe change things up a bit. If your ex is someone else then perhaps that is part of the issue, Chris gets very withdrawn when I talk to anyone I have dated or had a relationship with although I have told him repeatedly that I only have eyes for him.

I don't know what else to suggest apart from let him know you support him, and if he needs some time to be alone/sad/upset or whatever that you will be there for him as partner or as his friend, although he probably will not talk to you about it (its a guy thing), if you are close to a friend of his perhaps you could talk to them? I did that with chris, I talked to his best friend not about chris but just let him know to mention to chris to stay honest with me, not to avoid me, and I also got him to tell chris that I am concerned about him. It worked (Chris' friend never revealed what was said and I never asked, but chris and I did talk on our own)

We are all here for you and if you need some advice or a shoulder we are here there are a lot of shoulders to cry on here so you have loads of support chin up things have a way of working themselves out if you let them progress naturally.

Colly

 

[marciafinn]

I wish you the best. I am glad there isn't a fight over Bentley. I went through an awful time with my rotti during a split a while back. It broke my heart to lose him. I am glad that Bentley is there with you to help mend your broken heart - use him to lean on too. Mason has been a great confidant through many difficult times for me. Please know we're here too.