Jealousy of baby causing me to lose my babies

[Adzi]

I have a young pup (8wks) and a young child (16 mos) and I can identify to your situation. Very often people will tell you to remove the dogs/ dog when difficulties arrise. My husband and I had a Dobie for 6 yrs. She was w/ us for years before our son came along. She was very , very good with our son! Soooo many people expected us to just get rid of the dog when the baby came. WHY??? They would say you never know what could happen! Dogs are dangerous, especailly Doberman Pinchers!

We worked diligently w/ our Dobe and taught her to be gentle. We socialized her w/ young children from the moment she came home. We worked hard w/ her before and after the baby was born! We supervised constantly and respected our dog and child at the same time.

Point I'm trying to make is this... Work to make it work! It's not easy but you can resolve this situation. You may never sit down for a minute but you can do it.

NEVER feed dogs near a young child!

When your child is dropping cheerios all about the house crate the dogs.

Work with dogs on commands. Retrain / train leave it, sit, stay. Our Dobe eventually learned not to approach the child around food. If I told her to sit/stay she would untill I released her.

You will succeed If you really want to! Our boxer has already learned to sit/stay. in only 10 days. Boxers are brilliant dogs and want very much to please you and your child. Don't give up!

 

[RamieH]

Dont Give Up

I am fairly new to this Boxer Board and for the past 45 min I have been here reading this thread started by Rob. Boy I could not believe all the comments.:eek:

To Rob and your wife and family:

I would encourage you to try to do what you can. I believe in my heart you may feel you wished you would have tried more when you had the chance. My dog Autumn is two years old. We got her when she was a new baby. My husband is military and we just recently did a BIG move. We never did think about moving with a dog and let me tell you it was not easy. I also have a 7 year old daughter too. Anyway when we first moved to TX and were trying to get adjusted I had become frustred in several areas and began to "think I needed to find a new home for Autumn" too because of our lifestyle. Well the good Lord gave me some new eyes and made me realize the commitment I had made to this animal. I really wanted to almost just give up. I am glad I did not. Autumn is the most gently and loving dog I have ever had. I have had other breeds before as a kid and The Boxers are GREAT with kids. I sure do hope you can work things out. I believe in my heart and after reading all these threads that you wont be sorry.

My best to you and your family.

 

[mygirlmollie]

Goodluck Rob, with your situation.

There a few good bits of advice here amongst all the other stuff.

I hope you can find something that works well for your family, if you do, I know that your Boxers will end up being loving, loyal protectors of your son and great lifelong friends

 

[Billysmum]

Wow what an emotional rollercoaster this thread is.

My advice - for what it's worth:

Seperate the dogs when you feed them. We put one in the kitchen and one in the utility room.

Never allow them in the dining room/kitchen when the human family are eating. My two never come in the dining room and if we eat off trays in the lounge they have to go into the hallway.

I really hope you work this out Rob - I think you would regret it at some point if you rehome your dogs now.

Good luck

 

[honeysmom]

reply

Rob,
i don't know what you are going through as far as the fighting goes. But i understand your concerns as far as your infant goes. we have a 4month old skinbaby and i also worry form time to time about our boxer honey. she has never shown any agression toward any child that she's ever been around however she does play too rough some times, but back to your problems i agree with you that your skinbaby should under all circumstances come first. especially its health and well being, but i am also a zealot for my dog. i too am confussed on what that you would rather do. do you want to keep your dogs or give them up? that needs to be your decision. you need to sit down and think what would be the best all the way around including for the dogs.

if you are not giving them the attention that they received before the new baby then it might be better for them with someone who does not have children that can give them the attention that they need. but don't get me wrong i'm not saying that you should give them up. i'm just saying that you need to decide one way or another and then go with your decision full force. good luck all the way around. honeysmom, kaseyg

 

[Harlan]

I hope things are working out. I know we would love to hear the progress of your situation as it, hopefully, improves as you adopt some of these new suggestions into your lifestyle. I really hope you choose to make it work....for your sons sake. He deserves to go up with these two wonderful dogs.
I am posting the following story because I think it is important to remember your two dogs point of view in a situtation like this, and this story is written from a dog's perspective.
I hope you take this as I am intending it. I am in no way attacking you or saying you don't love your dogs and want the best for your family. I am expressing my opinion and trying to give you somuch needed support in this trying time. Best of luck to your family, Rob. I really, truly hope that we hear some great stories of your two dogs playing with your son as he grows up in the future.


A MAN IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN TOOK OUT A $7000 FULL PAGE AD IN THE PAPER TO PRESENT THE FOLLOWING ESSAY TO THE PEOPLE OF THAT COMMUNITY.

HOW COULD YOU? By Jim Willis 2001

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.

Whenever I was "bad", you'd shake your finger at me and ask, "How could you?" But, then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said) and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love".

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog", and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets.. You've made the right decision for your "family" but there was a time when I was your only family.


I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said, ":I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers". You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And, I worried for him and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.

After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you, that you had changed your mind - that this was all a bad dream.... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was, also, a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said, "I'm so sorry." She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And, with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her.

It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

HOW COULD YOU? By Jim Willis 2001

 

[Aimee]

Re: You all are right....

Originally posted by robmoore
You may feel that the dogs are your children and that is fantastic. I used to and still do, however I make a VERY solid distinction between my dog and cat children and my human child. My human child is a person. A person who will hopefully live on this earth for the next 80+ years and contribute to the health and the humanity of other people and animals on this earth in a positive way.

This statement really caught my attention. Let me tell you about my Baxter.

Baxter was pulled from a shelter and taken into rescue. He faced euthanasia due to the lack of interest people had in adopting him. He had been banished as an outside dog and left to rot. He had a collar that had been left on him so long he had outgrown it. The collar grew into his neck and had to be surgically removed. He had eye infections that had been left untreated for so long that it ate away his retinas and he now lives a life of complete darkness with no reversal. He is 100% blind. He was underweight and malnourished. Once in rescue he was taught proper house manners, given a warm bed, good food and was neutered. A dog that should have such an awful perception of the human race now spends his spare time as a volunteer at a hospital and mental health facility. He spends his spare time contributing to the health of the human race. Although we unfortunantly won't have him for 80+ years, the positive impact he's had on us and those who's lives he has touched through his therapy work speak volumes as to how valuable these animals are in our and our children's lives.

Now my other boxer is the extreme opposite. She is a resource guarder of whatever she deems worthy at that moment in time. She often seems like a bomb waiting to go off. We are able to manage her issues after much research, reading and reaching out to the help of a behaviorist. We had to take the time to discover what causes her to erupt and then learn to PREVENT that from happening. We also had to alter our behavior and our responses to her. Often we found we caused many of her eruptions without even realizing it. I highly recommend doing a search on resource guarding. The amount of information available at your fingertips is overwhelming.

You've received excellent advise.

When your family eats or when your child eats, crate the dogs with a special treat or allow them to play out in the backyard, weather permitting. Never allow your dogs in the same room as your or your child's food.

Clean up immediately after meals and then allow the dogs back into the family environment.

Crate the dogs or feed them in seperate rooms. I recommend keeping your dogs in a sit/stay while you prepare their food. Place their bowls down in front of them and do not allow them to eat until you release them. Before long, as soon as they see you preparing their food, they will immediately go to their position and sit and wait for your command (always use the same command). This reinforces your position in the pack and keeps them brushed up on their obedience skills.

Best of luck. This certainly does not seem like a hopeless situation. Remember that dogs only know what we teach them. They aren't all naturally born good citizens as so many would like to believe. Invest the time and effort, in the end, you'll be glad you did

 

[laser692]

Rob

Just wanted you to know that I agree with you 100%. When it comes to a child, and you have concerns, you have to do what is right. It is tough, but there is no taking chances with a young baby's safety.

 

[Trish727]

Originally posted by robmoore

You may feel that the dogs are your children and that is fantastic. I used to and still do, however I make a VERY solid distinction between my dog and cat children and my human child. My human child is a person. A person who will hopefully live on this earth for the next 80+ years and contribute to the health and the humanity of other people and animals on this earth in a positive way.

You know what I can make a distinction between my boxer and my son....I just think its crappy to push your boxer babies to the side. And if you didnt like what was going to be posted by people like myself then don't ask....because thats what your going to get all differnt types of responses!:mad:

 

[Jennifer -Pharaoh's Mom]

Rob,

forgive me because I did not have the time, nor the patience, to read through all the posts.

Here's my two cents. I think it shows a great amount of character for you to have posted in this forum first of all. Most people just toss the dog at a shelter or "Set it free".

You obviously love your furr babies, but, understandably, your skin baby comes first. (I have no kids but my furrbabies, so I can not fathom the bond a parent has to their child just yet).

I do know one thing. Pharaoh is never aggressive towards Cush unless it involves food. This might be a "Trigger" for them. Perhaps if you can only do one thing, consider keeping ONE and finding a suitable home for the other. Perhaps with someone who lives close by so you can set up play times.

As you stated, neither has ever been aggressive towards any of the humans in the family.

This might work out best for all concerned.

I hold no judgement against you because I have not filled your shoes. Good luck!

Jennifer