Jealousy of baby causing me to lose my babies

[myrocky]

OK, Rob came here looking for help so let's try and help him. If this thread continues to become nasty I will close it.


Rob, you should take a minute and look at this from your dogs' point of view. Everything was just fine, stable and they knew their place in the pack. Now you have a skin child added to your family, this is just like bringing another dog home. So now your babies are confused and unsure of their position among your "pack". This causes squabbles and mounting between them because they have to reconfigure their placement. You as the superior alpha in your pack must show them that you are *still* superior alpha and that the baby is above them as well. A really good book that gets lots of mention about dealing with this issue is The Dog Listener by Jan Fennell . I suggest you try and purchase this book, read it and follow the instructions given.

I also recommend looking into a behaviorist. They can help you see what is going on which is causing the fights and they are an objective outside opinion. They are expensive though but well worth the money and effort.

If you do feel like you need to rehome your babies, rescue is definitly the way to go. I work in rescue and have a good many contacts.

 

[rumsgirl]

I seem to be alittle confused here. didn't you say that the dogs are aggressive towards each other over food? How does that make them dangerous to your son? Your son is 11 mos. old and the problem just started a few weeks ago, I don't understand how you can say that it is because they are jealous of your child.
I have 4 dogs and 4 cats and 1 of the dogs(Chow) if food aggressive, she has even tore into the schnauzer over a piece of leftover chicken that I left on the counter overnight(which was my fault), which resulted in 4 stiches, but never has gotten agressive with my fiancee's 2 young boys. He had the dogs before we were together and had 2 dogs before the children, in fact the Chow would protect the boys even if she got aggressive with other dogs. There might be something else bothering them, it probably has nothing to do with healousy over your son.
Please get with a Behavioralist and see what the problem is. Boxers are usually GREAT with children. I know that the 5 that I have owned always were.

 

[boxerprincess]

I don't have children...but I do have two Boxers who fought....and fought alot - just ask my emergency vet and my amex bill!

When I got my second Boxer Mackenzie, my 2/yo female Princess was having nothing of it. She attacked Mac every chance she got and Mac suffered some real injuries as a result, not to mention the emotional toll the fighting took on all of us. I had months of h@ll...April-May I was a wreck. I posted a couple of times about it, but it was something that was, and still is hard to talk about. I'm sure like you - I was scared, not sure if I could work it out, and not sure of my options, if re-homing one would be the best option? (I hate to even read this again...but here's the link to what happened http://www.boxerworld.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=169760 )

I started with reading books that were suggested to me - Dog Listener (fanastic book!) and Culture Clash. These were very helpful for me to understand what was going on, and get less emotional about the situation. Then I called in the pros!

I went with a behavorist - and let me tell you - it WORKS! We've not had a tiff, a snarl, a snap, a lunge or anything but love since June. The goobers often eat out of the same bowl, they share treats, they sleep and play together and they really love one another. There have been MANY situations they have been where there was competition (for affection, food, treats etc) and there hasn't been fights.

It can get better, there is ALOT of love in my house now. This is only my experience...I don't have shildren, so I can't begin to imagine your heartache.

I wish you luck!

 

[vaboxer]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation...I dont know if I should start a completly different conversation but I am curious...

I am happily looking forward to starting a family at the beginning of the year. My furkids are very good with babies, very gentle and sweet. They give babies little kisses and slobber me with these huge messy ones. I think they will be great with a child.

What can I do (or what could rob have done) to make this transition for my furkids and skinbaby easy? I have heard you are to take a baby blanket that the baby has been wrapped in home before the baby comes home so the furkids can get used to the scent. I have also heard you should buy a baby doll and act like it is a real baby around the furkids so they can get used to how act around the "baby." Is there anything else I can do before the baby comes home that will be beneficial to my furkids?

I want to anything and everything possible to make this transition easy for my furkids, as there is absolutely no chance I would give them up.

For future reference, to myself and all those expectant moms and dads...what can we do to not allow what is happening to rob and his family to happen to ours?

 

[robmoore]

rumsgirl Response

Yeah, honestly don't have any idea that jealously of my son is the reason for this behavior....heck, it could be that because it has finally rained her for the past two weeks, the dogs haven't had enough time outside to work out their energy and are redirecting it. As far as the dogs themselves, they are fantastic with my son and I have ZERO thought that they would ever attack him. That isn't my concern at all. I have sat there and watched my big boy Perry get his ears pulled unmercifully by my baby, and just wimper instead of pulling away or even growling and fully believe that he didn't move because he knew if he did, my son would fall down. I have absolutely no fear that they are going to be aggressive towards him as they have never shown aggressiveness towards any human.

Hopefully the folks in the forum don't think I think they will attack him. There is no way (again, no absolutes, but no evidence) that they would touch him. I my concern is that they flair up in a fight with each other and topple on top of him or he gets in their way. These guys aren't about to hurt him on purpose. Thanks!

 

[SouthernArt]

Hard situation...

Originally posted by robmoore
...my concern is that they flair up in a fight with each other and topple on top of him or he gets in their way. These guys aren't about to hurt him on purpose.

If you don't think that they will hurt him on purpose, maybe it's just a matter of making sure he isn't left unattended. :confused: I also think that a behavioralist is a wonderful idea for the food aggression issues.

In any event, I hope that everything works out for you and your babies. If, however, you don't see things getting better and you decide to rehome one or both of your dogs, please go with a rescue.

 

[robmoore]

Unattended?

Not following you....it is not like I am leaving my 11 month old running around the house alone. That isn't the case. My concern is that situations could happen when I am sitting at the table with my son, he is in his high chair and the dogs are laying on the floor beside us. My son drops a piece of his meal he is eating (right now more gets in his lap than in his mouth) and there is a scramble for the scraps below him that erupt into a fight. Again, this hasn't happened before nor has my son been anywhere around when one of these flair-ups occurred, but it could and the behavior that I have witnessed is something that could risk the health of my son.

In any respect, have heard the overwhelming advice to seek help from a behaviorist and appreciate everyone's help and advice. Those of you that don't have children and think that you will in some way put your dogs, cats, fish, birds, or whatever else you have in the house, above or at an equal level of concern or love as your children when you have them, best of luck. Very easy to say when you aren't in that situation.

 

[SouthernArt]

Re: Unattended?

Originally posted by robmoore
Not following you....it is not like I am leaving my 11 month old running around the house alone. That isn't the case. My concern is that situations could happen when I am sitting at the table with my son, he is in his high chair and the dogs are laying on the floor beside us. My son drops a piece of his meal he is eating (right now more gets in his lap than in his mouth) and there is a scramble for the scraps below him that erupt into a fight. Again, this hasn't happened before nor has my son been anywhere around when one of these flair-ups occurred, but it could and the behavior that I have witnessed is something that could risk the health of my son.

I meant not being unattended in the floor with them or in any situation that causes them to fight.

I'll be the first to admit that I do not have children and have no idea what it will be like to have them. My husband and I don't plan on having any anytime in the near future, so this isn't a situation that I will have to deal with anytime soon. (Not on purpose, anyway! )

Anyway, I was just offering a suggestion. I truly do hope that you can find a way to make everything work out for everyone involved. You sound like you do love your dogs and want what's best for everybody in your home.

 

[BRIDGIT]

I am also bowing out of this thread as I do not wish to be kicked off the board for what would obviously be a waste of my breath(typing) to continue to try and explain to him that there are people that can have children and boxers in the same home successfully and that food aggression issues can generally be worked through.

 

[rumsgirl]

Is there a way you can keep the dogs in another room while your family is at the table eating or anytime your son is eating ? At least that way your concern for your son getting in the middle of it will be taken away and it also might stop the fighting. If you remove the temptation by keeping them away from any falling food and clean up the floor afterwards(i'm not saying your messy) then that might mellow the aggression.