I need help... (long)

[TossBranAbi]

I am in a tough situation. I have severe back pain due to a screwed up surgery. I have been going to college for the past 2 years for psychology. Yesterday I received a notice that I am inelligible to receive any financal aid b/c my Dad decided to cash in a few of his life insurance policies to be placed in an account to make more money. The money from the policies is seen as usuable money for an education so I can't get any more financial aid. I cannot work now b/c of my back and have questioned my self before about going to college b/c essentially I wouldn't be able to do much with my degree. I didn't really put much thought into it because i want an education and I didn't want to dissapoint my Dad by not going to college. I was told that I will have severe pain for the rest of my life and would probably never be able to hold a job b/c of it. My advisor even asked my why I was going to school if I wasn't going to be able to use my degree. He basically said that it is good that I want to go to college but just b/c I have a paper (degree) doesn't mean I will be able to work. I replied that I was there to get an education. He went on to tell me that I didn't have to spend thousands to get an education, I could learn for free on my own.

I taled to my Dad about the whole situation and it turns out that he has been wondering all along why I was going but just figured that is what I wanted to do. Which I do want to be an educated person. But now that I can't get financial aid, can I really justify paying all that money? I am so torn on what to do. I am afraid that if I quit school that I will be viewed as a loser and a quitter, which I am not. What do you guys think? I mean I can get the money to finish, but what is the point? To have a piece of paper hanging on my wall? I already get disability but I want more than that to life? I cannpt sit in my house and rot away, I want my life to be meaningful but I don't know what to do:confused:
My Dad suggested starting a small business but we live in a ver small place and there isn't anything that I can think of that would survive here. I am so afraid of what people will think of me quitting school, Stephen keeps telling me that I cannot live my life to please other people, I have to do what is best for me. That is so much easier said than done though. I am the only one in my group of friends that is going {went} to school and that makes me feel proud of myself but why? I have no clue what to do but I need to figure something out as I am to start summer classes in less than a week (if I continue) and I can't sleep due to being so stressed out. What do you guys think? I know I can count on my BW friends for support. I haven't told anyone of my worries except a select few so I don't have many people to actually talk to.

 

[lafsalot]

I agree with Stephen - you need to stand emotionally on your own and don't let others put you on a quilt trip because you don't measure up to their standards.

If you want to pursue your education for personal enrichment and just for the sake of learning, I see no reason why you still can't continue, even if you only take one class a semester. Once you are 23, you are eligible for financial aid based solely on your income. You may also want to check out a directory of scholarship programs available to college students at the American Psychogical Association.

You don't have to just "sit home and rot" - even if you never seek and/or are unable to get gainful employment, you can make a useful contribution to your community by doing volunteer work (ie crisis center, boxer rescue, etc)

Good luck, and try not to let worry about tomorrow rob you of the joy of living for today ~ Cathy

 

[Net45582]

Don't worry yourself about what others think. I was at the top of my high school class .After three attempts at college,I still have no degree and no plans to get one. It is just a piece of paper. Life and living can make you a VERY educated person if you chose to hold on to the meaningful experiences. I would think you would be perfect as a volunteer for the library,schools(maybe a mentor for struggling student) or even a senoir center or assisted living facility. I learned alot about life and common sense from many of my aged friends. Perhaps you can become involved or volunteer for some of your community government committess or a veterans group......there are endless learning opportunities everywhere.
Many of my friends who do have degrees are in vocations that have absolutely NOTHING to do with their degrees-LOL
You'll find your niche and probably give back just as much as you learn.
Good luck!

 

[ladyluck_t]

It is so hard when you reach a point in your life that all the dreams you thought you had no longer hold the same value. It happened to me too, I was about 24 when it happened. Before then I was dead set about going to college, it was always "Mom, that is your dream not mine" and so I set out to blaze my own path :rolleyes: I look back now and realize that life is so strange sometimes. I spent many years working in various low paying/no advancement jobs. I then joined the Coast Guard and thought "wow, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life", That lasted a whopping 2.5yrs I married during that time, and the best description of him would be the "Crowned King of A**^%$#@" spent 5 miserable years with the jerk, then one day I woke up and said "what the heck am I doing?" I was 24, divorced, had an 8mos old baby, living at home with my parents, working in another dead end job. So I thought, hmmm...I would love to be a teacher, so I started college, went almost 4 yrs before I changed my mind again and went for the BS in math, then I went for the MS in math. At times I wish I had stayed in school and got my PhD. I am sure sometime in the future I will go back for it, but right now it just isnt that important to me.

The point is, life changes, what you want now may not be what you want in 2 yrs, 5 yrs or 10yrs later. Believe me, I got lots of "you are a girl, you dont need to go to graduate school" or "You are just here for the Mrs. degree rather than the MS Degree", Working in a high-tech industry, I see several older gentlemen that think I should take notes, get coffee and such. I have had several people over my life say that I wasnt able to do something. Heck, I am an engineer at a large corporation, with a couple of very difficult degrees (math + Physics) and I am a high school drop-out
But in the end, I think the big thing is my parents always told me that I could do whatever I set my mind to. They told me this so much, that now I dont let anything stop me if I so choose to do it.
If I was more financial stable or had less financial responisiblities, I would go back to school and get my PhD in animal behavior. I would love to work in this field. Unfortunately, at this time it is not feasable. But who is to say, once my skin kid is out of college, I might just look into a career change.

So basically, I am going to give you the advice that my parents gave me:
You are quite capable of doing anything you so choose. Nothing is stopping you from achieving your own goals but yourself. All you need to succeed is conviction, direction, motivation, and support Basic laws of physics :D And from what you said, the only thing you are lacking is direction 3/4 of the problem is solved... which means statistically you are ahead :D

I personally believe you can do loads of things, a small business is much easier to do nowadays with the internet, you could do an internet business, which means the size of your city matters not Figure out what makes you happy at this point in your life, that is where you will find the ideas of what path to take. Dont worry so much about 10yrs down the road, that is a long way off and by then the things that make you happy may change. Worry about now, that is what counts anyhow.

Hang in there, you are not alone! :D

 

[TossBranAbi]

Thanks guys, I knew you could help cheer me up. I really do want to go to school but I cannot figure out if I want to to get the degree just to say I did or what. I am afraid that something will come up later and I wont have my degree and will miss the opportunity. But then again what happens when I have the degree and nothing pops up, seems like a wasted thing even though getting the experience wouldn't be a waste. Not sure if I am making sense here:confused: It really is hard on me just going to class. I have to drive 25 to get there, sit for however long the class is, and drive 25 miles home. Sometimes leaving me in so much pain I can't cook supper or even move off the couch. To top it all of, I am on pain meds that make me loopy. I have darvocet that puts me to sleep and vicodin that makes me a completely different person but it is the best we can find for now. The doctor has tried so many drugs on me and I am so sensitive to them, they usually make me feel sick and still be in pain. It is realyl hard to concentrate on something when the room is spinning. I am just so torn on whether I should continue with school.
I thought about doing an internet business of some sort but it seems as though everyone else has thought of that too, there are just so many of them, I don't know if it would take off. I need to do something to make money, Stephen works to jobs and we live comfortably but with the prices of everything rising, how long could that last. I would like to be able to contribute to the household money and I guess in a way I do with my disability money that isn't much and it doesn't feel like anything because I didn't earn it any way other than being in pain. Right now, we hava malpractice case against the surgeon but who knoes what will come of that. Even if I do get something out of that, I still didn't earn it. It is hard to sit back and not do anything. I am a very determined person but pain is very limiting. I have a high pain tolerance but a person can only take so much. I would love to volunteer for some places but once again, I live in the middle of nowhere and would have to travel a pretty good distance to get to anything. I could do online and over the phone volunteering and I have already contacted a boxer rescue and haven't heard anything back yet.

My parents always told me I could do whatever I wanted to too but I don't think they had in mind that a stupid doctor could do this either. I have 5 vertebras fused together (T11-L3) and I am missing a lumbar vertebrae {where it went no one knows} and that only leaves one vertebrae in between my pelvis and the fusion. Since there are 5 vertebrae fused, that puts al that pressure on that remaining vertebrae which in turn is putting pressure on my pelvis and the two bones are essentially grinding together and sometimes pinching a nerve between the two. My left hip and lower back are mostly what is affected besides my ego. It is hard enough feeling deformed with two huge scars but it really kicks the bucket when I feel like I can't do anything real useful. It may sound like I am depressed but i'm not, just confused. Thanks again guys

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e207/TossBranAbi/back.jpg
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e207/TossBranAbi/back3.jpg

 

[Net45582]

Oucheee......can you swim comfortably? If so,maybe doing something aquatic is an option?

 

[SILLY6PAK]

Sounds like you want to quit but do not want to feel guilty (which you should not). Are you sure you cannot do anything with your education? If you can sit in a classroom you can sit at a desk. Try not to limit your options.
I think the professor was off his rocker to tell you an education is pointless.

I am a college grad. Nursing. I never used it per se. I worked with horses before I married. I was not crazy about school. I did it because everyone in my family did but I knew my heart was with animals. I have never regretted going though. I would do it again. You can never be too educated. Education opens doors. Who know what the future brings.

Follow your heart but don't limit yourself with negative thoughts.

 

[ladyluck_t]

Have you checked out some online courses? There are several respectable universities that have online classes and even online degree programs. That might help you out if you desire a degree. Just a thought

 

[lexintitus]

I'm not sure how this would effect your back, but have you thought about being a school psychologist? Being in a similar profession, it's hard work but there's not any physical labor involved. I don't know how your back would take sitting in a chair for an extended period of time, but you could always close your door and do exercises, stretches, etc. One of the good things about being a psychologist in a school, is you don't have children with you all the time. You can be fairly flexible. The hours are shorter than a regular job and you don't work holidays, summers and you get extra breaks in between. The pay is pretty good and should help pay off your loans. Just an idea.

 

[TossBranAbi]

You guys are giving me some good ideas. One of the problems is that I cannot stay in one position for any amount of time. I switch between laying down, sitting, standing, etc. Somedays are better than others and I can do things a little longer. On average I can only stay in one position (i.e sitting) for 15-20 minutes, somedays longer and somedays shorter. It also depends on the weather too.
I am really restricted on my choices due to living where I do. It makes sense to get out of here and move to a place with more opportunities but this is all I have ever known and all of my family is here. Maybe after my parents are gone I will feel differently but I hope that is a long time away.
I too feel like I am trying to find a way for not feeling guilty for wanting to quit, which I cannot stop feeling. I am thinking about not ruling out college compltetky and just taking a break for a couple of years until I can get financial aid again and see where I can go in those couple of years. Either I will find something else and not return to school or I will return to finish my degree. It sounds better to me that I am "taking a break" rather than "I quit" maybe that will help me transition into my new way of life. I have looked into a few of the online schools and I want to see if the credits I already have will transfer. Thanks guys