THE BEST FRUIT CAKE EVER
>
> 1 cup butter
> 1 cup sugar
> 4 large eggs
> 1 cup dried fruit
> 1 teaspoon baking powder
> 1 teaspoon baking soda
> 1 tablespoon lemon juice
> 1 cup brown sugar
> 1 cup nuts
> 1 or two quarts of aged whiskey
>
> Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for
> quality. Good, isn't it?
> Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring
> cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just
> right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest
> quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as
> fast as you can. Repeat. With an eclectic mixer, beat
> 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1
> teaspoon of sugar and beat the hell out of it again.
> Meanwhile, at this parsnicular point in time, wake
> sure that the whixey hasn't gone bad while you weren't
> lookin.' Open the second quart if nestessary. Add 2
> large leggs, 2 cups fried druit an beat til high. If
> druit gets shtuck in peaters, just pry the monsters
> loosh with a drewscriver. Example the whikstey again,
> shecking confistancy, then shift 2 cups of salt or
> destergent or whatever, like anyone gives a s***.
> Chample the whitchey shum more. Shift in shum lemon
> zhoosh. Fold in chopped sputter and shrained nuts.
> Add 100 babblespoons of brown booger or whushever's
> closhest and mix well.
> Greash ubben and turn the cakey pan to 350 decrees.
> Now pour the whole pissin' mesh into the washin'
> machine and set on sinsh shycle. Check dat whixney
> wunsh more and pash out.
>
> 1 cup butter
> 1 cup sugar
> 4 large eggs
> 1 cup dried fruit
> 1 teaspoon baking powder
> 1 teaspoon baking soda
> 1 tablespoon lemon juice
> 1 cup brown sugar
> 1 cup nuts
> 1 or two quarts of aged whiskey
>
> Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for
> quality. Good, isn't it?
> Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring
> cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just
> right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest
> quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as
> fast as you can. Repeat. With an eclectic mixer, beat
> 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1
> teaspoon of sugar and beat the hell out of it again.
> Meanwhile, at this parsnicular point in time, wake
> sure that the whixey hasn't gone bad while you weren't
> lookin.' Open the second quart if nestessary. Add 2
> large leggs, 2 cups fried druit an beat til high. If
> druit gets shtuck in peaters, just pry the monsters
> loosh with a drewscriver. Example the whikstey again,
> shecking confistancy, then shift 2 cups of salt or
> destergent or whatever, like anyone gives a s***.
> Chample the whitchey shum more. Shift in shum lemon
> zhoosh. Fold in chopped sputter and shrained nuts.
> Add 100 babblespoons of brown booger or whushever's
> closhest and mix well.
> Greash ubben and turn the cakey pan to 350 decrees.
> Now pour the whole pissin' mesh into the washin'
> machine and set on sinsh shycle. Check dat whixney
> wunsh more and pash out.
