Should I Be Upset?

[Cherokee]

My sister in law has a personal catering business out of her home. She mostly does stuff for friends and family for extra money.
So when i was put in charge of the teacher appreciation luncheon I immediately thought of her. She agreed to it. The budget was $500. So I told her she could decide on the menu and whatever was left over would be her pay. After all was done she had $200. I have to add that the only reason se had this much left over was because I helped her shop. We used coupons and I used my sam's club card and showed her a good place to get produce. I even helped her make the things so that she wouldn't have too much on her hands. it was for 40 people. It went great. So when they had to do something else they asked if she would be willing. the next thing was not as big but she made $40. Now others have asked and she's getting a lot of business. I even got her a name for her business as well as a slogan to go along with it. my husband also made her business cards. all of this was at no cost to her. all she had to do was get the business card paper.
the other day i ordered 2 cheesecakes from her. I wanted them as a special gift to the staff at Jason's chool and also to get her more business. keep in mind I am getting nothing for any of this. I didn't get anything of what she got paid or anything for my ideas or help. When I say anything I mean not even a thank you.
So anyway I ordered the cheesecakes and I asked her how much are they going to be? She says well I normally charge $15 and that was all that was said. Which meant not even a discount. I bought them anyway.
Should I be upset or am I making more out of this than I should?
Keep in mind that she's always stabbed me in the back and i have put each event behind with out so much as an apology from her.
Anyway even if I'm wrong I needed to vent because it upset me. I don't want any money from her just maybe a thank you or even recognition for what i did. Maybe I'm asking for too much. I should just leave it.

 

[dan h]

Tough situation. Have been in a couple of those myself. I just learned to never mix business with family and friends. Always turns ugly at the end. In my opinion, you should just overlook the price of the cheesecake and never get involved with helping her business.

 

[Cherokee]

Thank you dan. i totally agree but here's my dilemma I always end up helping her anyway. I know it's my fault and I shouldn't complain because I bring it upon myself. I keep telling myself the same thing just to not help but I can't I feel bad.
Does anyone have a cure for this?

 

[Linda/NJ]

To be honest, I would be upset. Atleast a thank you would be nice. I wouldn't mix business and family either. I personally wouldn't help out anymore, you did more than your share. Just my opinion.


Linda/NJ
Ginger * June 4, 1997
Flashy Fawn * Natural Ears

 

[alaska]

I agree, never mix business with family or friends for that matter! I too would of atleast expected a thank you from her, I wouldn't bother to help her anymore if I was you, she obviously doesn't feel bad, so neither should you.

 

[Amy Lyn]

This is a tough situation. I agree that a thank you is in order from your SIL. However, like everyone said, it's hard to mix business with family.

My first thought is, maybe your SIL didn't want her business to get bigger. Sometimes people start these ventures as a shoot off from a hobby they enjoyed and want to make a little extra cash doing it, but aren't interested in being a 24/7 business with big decisions to make, clients to handle, etc. Maybe she's not feeling thankful because it's not what she had ever intended. Has she ever told you that she just wanted to keep it small? Though, nevertheless, you still should get a thank you from her.

My second thought is, and it may not be easy to take, but how is your relationship with your SIL otherwise? This could bear an "in-law" issue. In-laws relationships are tough. There is always a lot of feelings inside that don't come out.

Also, it could just be her personality. Anytime my MIL gives me or my husband a gift I send off a thank you note. She gets thank you notes from myself, her daughter and most people that she does give a gift too. However, with all those shining examples coming in the mail, she has NEVER sent me a thank you note for any gift we have bought her. It's just not her. She also doesn't apologize in fights, she just sweeps everything under the rug and on she goes. So maybe your SIL is the same way.

In the same token, you would feel awful if you just went outside and hired another catering company without even asking her if she wanted to do it. My in-laws have always been of the mind that, "if anyone is going to get my money, it's going to be my family" and they support all family businesses, et cetera. They would rather give a dime to a family member than to a stranger.

You've got a tough one, but a thank you is certainly in order from your SIL. Have you told your husband about this, what does he think? Maybe he could lend some insight into his sister's behavior. You seem also to be very straightforward with people (from your other posts) and you may just need to flat out ask her if she feels you've done something wrong.

OMG, I'm so sorry this is soooo darn long! Sometimes my fingers just get to typing and never stop! You've probably fallen asleep by the second paragraph!! :p

Good luck.

 

[Cherokee]

Thank you Amy. No I didn't fall asleep, so not to worry. I don't mind the long ones especially when they are informative.
My SIL and I have had our problems in the past and they continue on to the future.
Hubby doesn't have a relationship with his family unless i make an effort. I try so hard to at least have them some what in our lives because even though he says he doesn't care I know deep inside he does. Also because we have Jason and he is interested in knowing them. If I went into all the things that my SIL has done I'd be here forever. She actually wants the business. She has been wanting to quit her job and go at this full time but it's not logical at the moment. I was trying to help by getting her some extra money because she is always complaining about it. Which is why I am not complaining about the money. i did this so that she could get the extra cash.
You are right I am ver straight forward but in this case it is a difficult situation. I have been up front with her in the past but she always acts like a victim and never really cares as to what she's done or what I've said about it. it's a lost cause in that department. I have decided to let by gones be by gones when it comes to that. i figure eventually it'll catch up to her. She is normally good at saying thank you though so I'm thinking maybe she thinks she did.
I guess I'm more upset because I would never in a million years charge her for anything that I would do for her. i even spoke to my own sister about it and she agrees that she would never either with her own SIL. I at least expected a discount. Oh well I will never order anything from her again. Unfortunately I don't have the heart not to recommend her for more business I would feel horrible. Thanks for all the input though. I truly appreciate it.

 

[ElizabethH]

It is always interesting how we all gravitate to difficult people and try to make things better.... I think that there are many nice people to focus on who are appreciative and reciprocate kindness rather than spend energy on negative people. It is hard to carve these people out of our lives- but once you do, life is a lot nicer. Also, blood relation does not excuse bad character or actions IMO.
I vote you adopt a NEW SIL!!!