Pet's New Year Resolutions!

[LucNesbitt]

I was sent these by a fellow dog lover and thought you guys might enjoy them as well!

My Dog's New Year Resolutions

Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the butts.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

Always scoot before licking.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

I will not eat the cats' food... before OR after they eat it.

Cats are not chew toys.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop, or cleaning myself.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not snacks.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bare butt.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator, stove or dishwasher.

Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

Circulate petition that "Leg Humping" be a juried competition in major dog shows.

January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

I will NOT chase the stupid stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND!

 

[gary766]

Very funny

 

[HurricaneBox]

Awesome, this is too funny!

 

[calimomma]

I LOL at some of them because they're ones that my kids are totally guilty of! Thanks for posting and breaking up the monotony of work today.

 

[Aasha]

That was great. It really sounds like what a dog is thinking. Such simple things that make them happy, isn't it great.

 

[Independence]

I am sitting at my desk cracking up. Thanks for making my Friday. I'm going to print this out and read it to Indy when I get home.

 

[HeatherLynnG]

Fantastic and right on!!! Ha-ha. I especially like keep head out of dishwasher - mine are incapable of resisting dirty plates. :p

 

[Slobberchops]

The tears are rolling down my face,I'm laughing so hard
Especially loved the one about the cold wet nose:eek:

 

[zomo]

How true That is so funny

 

[bigboychief]

If only Chief would adopt the "I will not chew on any crayons or markers, especially the red ones" promise! I have a few red stains in my house from red markers he devoured!