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Need quick advice

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by joanie, Nov 6, 2001.

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  1. joanie

    joanie Boxer Booster

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    You people give such good advice on our loving dogs that i thought you might be able to give me some sound advice about this. My husband found out that he had a little girl he knew nothing about when she was eight months old. The mommy was with a new man and she married him. Well we fought in court for about six months on child support issues. Well we filed for visitaions because we wanted to see her very badly by this time we had already lost eighteen months of her life that we would never be able to get back. Well when we filed for visitation she invited us over to see her which we went my husband wanted to see his child very badly and she acted like she adored him. Well one week later when we went to pay court costs for court the next day they told my husband that court had been postponed because the step-father had filed a petition for adoption. Well we went back to court to more times and then had to waite two months before we found out what had happened well she won becausethey said they didnt need his consent because he had only seen her one time in a year and that was abandment. Well that was in August of 2000 and now one year later she writes and wants him to start seeing her again she said if she had known this she would never have tooken his rights away. Which who knows what she means by this. Well we started to see her it started out two days a week then it went to three ,four five and now we keep her a week and she keeps her a week. When i picked her up yesterday her mom said she had her on a diet because she eats to much she is only three years old she said she wanted her to be thin like my son the three year olds half-brother. I took her home she has lost weight and she ate like she was totally starved to death she was shoving food in her face so fast she was about to choke. Do you think we could get any legal rights to her since we have her 50% of the time i know she is adopted but i think its kinda of abusive to starve a three year old because you think she is to big for her mothers liking. She only weighs about 37 lbs. I just dont know what to do anymore its breaking my heart here is a three year old and she wants to live with me and her bio-dad and we dont have not one right to her. So we cant even fight for custody. What would you do in a situation like this? Thanks for any advice and sorry so long. :(
     
  2. Donna741

    Donna741 Boxer Insane

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    It sounds to me like you *might* have a shot at getting custody but you will have to fight hard to prove the bad parenting. Is the bio mom still married? You might want to take the little one to a child psychologist when she is with you. It would help your case if you can get a professional to say that the bio mom is being *abusive* by putting her on a diet.

    I want to wish you luck with whatever you decide.
     
  3. Astoreen

    Astoreen Completely Boxer Crazy

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    Talk to a lawyer and see if you have any legal recourse; they would best know the law and what your rights are or should be. In the mean time, I would keep track of this child's weight and behavior(s). Document, document, document. If you notice significant changes or even gradual ones, have a doctor check her out. Hell, take her to a doctor regardless. Since I don't know the specifics of the situation, nor am I able to speak to this child and the bio-mom to see their interaction(s), I can't say whether it is neglect or not......especially at this point. Accusations of neglect are not something I want to get into; just be aware that withholding or restricting food can be seen as a form of neglect. It will be through keeping notes or documentation that you show your care and concern for the health, safety and well-being of this child BUT you also will have something to "cover" yourself if this happens to get turned on you and your husband. Protect the child but cover your butt. Does that make sense? IMO, no child needs to be on a diet unless they're significantly older, overweight AND under the supervision of a medical professional. She's 3 and growing........I ate like a pig and was thin as a bone. My younger sister is a whole other story. Tell this woman that we all have different body types and to stop worrying or obsessing about it. For crying out loud, the girl is 3!
     
  4. joanna

    joanna Boxer Booster

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    My ex had only seen my daughter once in 6 years and I still had to get his signature to reliquish his parental rights before my husband could adopt her. If your husband did not sign away his rights the adoption may not be valid, check with an attny who specializes in family law. This first thing you will need to do is have a blood test and probably DNA testing to establish his paternity, the proceed to the court from there.
    Even if they say they could not find him to notify him of the adoption, they still have to show a good faith attempt to find him. In some states that requires a 3 week advert. in a local paper. Make sure they followed all the rules in your state.
    On the other hand, if his daughter is in a stable home with a man that has raised her so far, nullifying the adoption may not be whats best. Maybe a visitation agreement can be worked out through a mediator, family courts often assign a mediator to work out amicable solutions.
    Good Luck to You.
     
  5. joanie

    joanie Boxer Booster

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    Thanks for the great replys

    Thanks for the great replys we didnt understand how they could take his rights away and him wanting to see her she let on to the judge that she had called us and told us to come to her house and the baby. Which for the first year that we lived together we didnt even have a phone so this was untrue. The judge believed her he said it looked like to him that she had tried very hard to get him to come see her which is not true we tried very hard to go see her and she kept saying she would be confused because she thought the other man was her father and she didnt want her other little girl that had been close to my husband to see him again. I dont know whats going on but i think she makes a career out of having babies she has five children from five different men and she told me the other day if she decided to divorce this man he would have to pay her alot in child support because he had adopted my husbands little girl and now they have a seven month old son together. So who knows what will happen in that marriage. The little girl is only three she told me yesterday that she wanted to come live with us but i guess there is probably not much we can do about it since she is adopted. I went to my calendar last night and wrote down everything i could remeber since we have started seeing her again. Her mother was complaining that she never wants to be there anymore that she crys for her daddy all the time. Soo i dont know what will come of all this but we are enjoying the time we get with her and she is enjoying tthe time with her real daddy and half-brother. Thanks again for the great advice.
     
  6. Good luck with getting your husbands little girl to live with you. I sometimes wonder what the court sees in these cases. It seems time after time, the court was NOT do what is in the best interest of the child. In your case, I can't beleive they would let this women's husband adopt the child without reaching your husband. It sounds very suspicious to me. I know what your boxer is going through every time that little girl goes home. I is so sad.
     
  7. Cindy and Lacie.

    Cindy and Lacie. Guest

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    I cant figure this out................ but i can tell you this. My friend had to get both her biological father AND his Parents to sign "off" on the child before her new husband could legally adopt her daughter.

    I would strongly suggest getting a laywer ASAP, find out your rights ect!

    YOu sound like a GReat Step MOM!!! Keep up the good work, and good luck
     
  8. pep0987

    pep0987 Super Boxer

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    Laws regreding these kinds of issuses vary so much from state to state. Get an attnory who knows about family law. Take her to a doctor ASAP. Also conact Family services. They might be able to help, I do caution using them though, since he has no rights.Is the adopted father still there???? Please see what you can do? Three is much to young to be put on a diet. My yougheast son Gage is 3 and wieghs a little over 40 pounds. Also please document everything from when you pick her up o when you take her home, even the smallest details, take them with you to the lawyers office. Have you ever nocticed exicessive brusing??? If you have or do take pics. I hope this helps. I will be praying for you and your family.

    JAmie
     
  9. Bumblebee

    Bumblebee Boxer Pal

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    I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I was just telling Scott how it is so sad that in America they will almost always choose the mother over the father.
    If you are serious about getting your step daughter, I would contact an lawyer ASAP. There were all those cases a few years ago where biological parents got their children back even after they signed the papers and the child was over three years old. If you are willing to fight for this girl, I am sure you will be able to win.
    Best of Luck:) Keep us posted.
     
  10. brandi's mom

    brandi's mom Boxer Booster

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    Laws regarding adoption do vary a lot from state to state. I agree with the previous post, you need to find a lawyer in your state. I have a son that my present husband adopted when he was 1 yr old. I did not know where his biological father was, nor did he ever have any contact with his son. I never sought out child support from him either. All we had to do was prove that we had tried to find him, sent a letter to his last known address with my lawyer's phone number and court info and we had to post it in the newspaper legal section for three weeks. He never responded to contest the adoption, so we went ahead. My advice is to search your heart and do what is best for the child.

    good luck.
     
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