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tucknspence

Boxer Booster
This sounds very familiar to me.That same situation is partly what led to the breakup of my first marriage.I was honest with him from the start and made it VERY clear that I did not want children, literally the day after the wedding he started bringing it up.I told him again that I was serious and had no intention of changing my mind.The whole time that we were married he would constantly bring it up,drop hints etc. After about two years we went our separate ways.
My current husband has two older kids and a vasectomy,so for me it worked out in the end.
I have taken some grief from family,friends,etc. that just cannot understand why someone would not want kids.
Some people are just not cut out to parent.I am one of those people.I understand that and accept it.
I wish you both the best of luck in figuring out where to go from here.
 

myrocky

Boxer Insane
Cami,

There are some great discussion boards out there that deal with this topic. If you google "childfree" you should be able to find some. :) A lot of people have been in similar situations and will offer excellent support. I'm sorry that you are going through this.
 

Elyse

Banned
So sorry you are in this situation. It has to be one of the stickiest situations. I understand you husband wanting children but knowing from the beginning that you didn't and putting you in this situation now is unfair. I wish I had advice or an answer for you but like momstaxi said, the best you can do is continue the communication and be honest. Good luck with this and I hope you guys work things out so you are both happy.
 

beausmommy

Boxer Insane
I personally can't understand your not wanting children. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I'm not ready for children right now, but I will be someday. Some women have the urge to have children and have motherly instincts and some don't. Therefore, you should NOT be questioning yourself regarding this issue. You made it very clear to your husband before you were married that you had no desire to have children. He married you anyway, probably thinking that you would change your mind. Since you have not, you are not in the wrong in this situation. He should not be pressuring you! Stand firm! I think a lot of marital discord and divorces are due to people going into marriage believing that their spouses will change. Your husband is in the wrong here. The burden lies on him, not on you. Marriage should not be taken lightly, but having children should not be either. Have you thought about marital counseling to determine why having children is so important to him and not having them is so important to you? I would definitely suggest talking with someone before making a final decision. I wish you the best!
 

Cami

Boxer Insane
Thanks everyone for your kind words and comforting thoughts.
I have specualted many times while searching my soul trying to find a reason(s) for not wanting children. On the otherhand, I wonder if others that do want children do the same thing?

The need or desire has never presented itself, therefore I have always gone in the direction of being childless by choice. I was adopted, I have no medical history concerning possible illness that I might or might not pass on. I have no siblings and no close friends that have children. My adoptive mother committed suicide when I was 12 and I have no one close to me that I would be able to ask advice of, (not that any of this matters). I do however suffer from Fibromyalgia, Dysplastic Nevis (pre-cancerous skin growths), Degenerative Joint Disease and Arthritis. I am 37 years old and the chances of giving birth to a child with problems does increase with age.

Again, none of the previous really are reasons to not want a child but they should be considered in the decision making process. But my decision was made years ago when I was healthy and it hasnt changed.

Yes, my hubby was wrong to think that I would change my mind, I guess it was wishful thinking. I would be wrong to give him a child for the only reason of making him happy. Its not fair to the child, or myself.

I have come to the conclusion that God gave my heart to animals. Pure and simple. Its not wrong, but its not the most popular among the general population. So we will just continue on the path and see where it leads us.
Thanks again.
 

Shanz

Boxer Insane
I just came across this thread now and my sister is somewhat in the same situation.

She is in her late 20's early 30's, she has been with her bf for about 10 years, they are not engaged (although she wants to be) and he doesnt seem in any rush to get engaged. He also has a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship. For the longest time my sister has said she doesnt want children--and that was fine with him because he doesnt want any either. Her reasoning behind that is that we have a history of Down Syndrome in our family. My dads little sister has it (she wasnt expected to live past 3--she just turned 41 yesterday but sadly was just diagnosed with cancer and has less than a year left) While my Mom was pregnant with me, there was apossibility Id have Down syndrome so she did a test on me ( i cant remember what its called) and they took a skin sample from the bottom of my foot to see if I would be born with it.

My sister is worried if she did have a child, it would have Down syndrome and she wouldnt be able to handle it. But in the last few years, she has wavered back and fourth between wanting a child and not wanting one. But Now I think she has setteled on not wanting one, and we've all accepted it. Her child is her Shitzu Gizmo.

Me on the other hand, I do want a child-- i work with kids i love them. But the theres a side of me who doesnt want children simply because I cant picture myself as a Mom. But I am only 19 so I have lots of time to make my decision.

You have made your decision, and youve had this decision for im sur eyour whole life and you wont change it. As hard as it will be for your husband to grasp this, he needs to deal with it, he knew coming into the relationship this is what you wanted and he accepted it then, he has to accept it now.
 
[color=re4d]Cami[/color] there is nothing wrong with not wanting children. That is not a requirement in life. Actually it is wonderful that you are that honest with yourself and your hubby. My daughter doesn't want any children either and I respect that from her. She says that if she ever gets the desire to want a child that she will adopt as there are far too many children in this world rotting away in a children's home. I am proud of my daughter for this and I am glad that she is not following the norm and doing what her heart desires. There is nothing wrong with people that don't want children.
 
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