going crazy--it's too much

[txmadison]

I am sorry for your loss. I also lost my sweet girl unexpectedly in January, and I have similar emotions. Today would have been her 10th birthday. It does not seem fair that they are taken from us when we love them so much! I don't want to feel sad anymore, but if I don't, then I am afraid that I am forgetting her. I know how you feel about getting (or not getting) another one. I feel guilty about considering another dog, because mine was perfect, and I just want her back. My husband has helped a lot by bringing out many of her pictures, framing some of them, and just recalling the fun times as we look at the photos. It was hard at first, but by putting up some of my favorite pictures of her, I feel like we are honoring her, and keeping the happy memories alive. Maybe it will help if find some pictures of him that make you smile, and put them around your house.

 

[Mama_Zookeeper]

I agree with Elbykitty & Jan about time healing. Pictures and the like are so sad. The first year has so many firsts, once it passes the memories start to comfort instead of sadden you. I hope you will allow yourself to grieve and be sad without guilt, it is very normal. One day it will not hurt so much.
Dora

 

[Julie P.]

Your thread has made me cry so hard. I lost Magic over a year ago and it wasn't until recently that the unbearable pain left. The pain that I thought was going to once kill me has drifted into a different stage for me. Even so, after a whole year and half has passed, I still often think to myself, "Magic, I wish you were here with me, things would be so much easier." I also see her name every where such as advertisements, magazines and such and when I do her sweetness comes to mind. When I see her name, I will stop what I am doing at the time and drift to past when she was totally mine to care for and love. I now have two boxers; Deeg and Emma, neither of them have replaced the hole in my heart that Magic left behind. I think I have come to a “numb” stage where I have accepted that I may never have the kind of bond with another dog that I had with my girl, Magic. That maybe she was a once in a life time gift to me. This makes me very, very sad as I miss that bond so very much. Even though I love Deeg and Emma it always feels like something is missing. I guess I am rattling on and on but I wanted you to know I totally understand how hard it is. It has been one of the worst experience I have ever gone through to loose a beloved pet. I am so sorry for your loss of such a wonderful friend.

 

[KCboxer4]

We lost Dylan over two years ago, I thought I would die. I won't repeat what everyone else has said, to say the least my life was over. My heart is still missing a piece of it, that belongs to Dylan. I still cry all the time, but, it is a little easier. Time, time is what is needed.
About getting another dog sometime. The one thing I did NOT say was that I didn't want anymore dogs!!!!! Now, this is just me, but, If I had never had Dylan because I knew someday he was going to die, I would have missed out on so much!!! And he would have missed out on having a wonderful loving family. I never would have experienced that deep deep devoted love, that bond that you have that is so precious. I wouldn't change a thing. The pain can be too much to bear, but when I think about not having him in my life, or Roxie or Maya or Houston, they have all given me so much!! I am so lucky to be able to take care of them and love them and keep them safe. I would not have wanted someone else to have had my glory.
There is nothing I can say to make you feel better. I wish that there was. Take care of yourself and if you still have a pup at home, love them like nobody's business they need you

 

[kazsmom]

My heart broke reading all these posts. I lost Isabelle on Valentine's Day and sat down last night to look at a scrapbook my sister made for me. I thought I could handle it because sometimes I can look at it without tears, but I sobbed for an hour looking at her pictures. I'm not sure it gets any easier although people say it does. Only time will tell for all of us with broken hearts.

Please know you're not alone with your feelings. A lot of us here know exactly what you're going through. Don't ever feel ashamed to admit that you're grieving for a lost animal -- I think talking about it with others who have been through it helps a lot. Everyone here on BW has been so incredibly wonderful to me when Belle passed...every one of you that has posted here will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

 

[ladyluck_t]

Although the two that I have lost were not my own babies, they were foster boys, I had them for a very short 6 months each. I lost the first one, he was my first foster boy, over a year ago (jan '05) and the second one I lost last january ('06) Both had serious behavioral issues, but I loved both of them with my whole heart. I miss both so very much and still can't look at pictures of them. When I talk about them I get a knot in my throat and my eyes tear up. I still blame myself for not being able to "fix" them. The one thing that makes it possible to continue to rescue is that I know those two boys are sitting at the rainbow bridge waiting on me. Their love for me was never in doubt. They are there having a blast with all of your babies and I just KNOW that when I ask them to look out for one of your babies while they wait for you to join them, they are helping your guys out. But the pain of their loss never goes away. It eases a little with every dog that I help find a new home. I know I might sound crazy, but I can sometimes feel them watching out for me and my rescue babies. The pain may never leave, but one day you will feel a peace about it. You will see your babies again, they are up there giving my dear Jack-Rabbit and Diesel a run for their money

<<<HUGS>>> to you and everyone else who has suffered this loss and my dearest wish is for you all to feel peace

 

[KonaKoffe]

The pain gets less but never completely goes away. It gets replaced by sweet memories. Just keep crying it is part of the healing process. I lost 2 in less than a years time and i have bad days but most are filled with good memories. Hang in there things will eventually get better. Your baby is still with you - in your memories. Everytime you think about him he is right there with you.

 

[cb977]

We lost our Rottie after close to 12 years with him on 8/7/04. I have his ashes in a memorial box with a bunch of momentos inside, along with his picture and the following poem framed right next to the box. I still talk to him once in a while. The pain doesn't go away because your pet is a family member and none of us forget those who are important to us. This poem really helped me, and others I've given it to, start the healing process...
I hope it helps you. There are also web sites out there that memorialize your pet, one of them is petloss.com.
Here's the poem...

I'm Still Here

Friend, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, friend, I'm everyplace!

Author Unknown
__________________

 

[lisasentous]

I think you are wrong. The pain will fade, but the memories will last forever. I lost my Markus a little over a year ago. His pictures used to bring tears to my eyes, now they bring a smile to my face. I will never forget him!

I totally agree with Jan.
But you say you could never have another pet, they will not push the memories of your lost ones away, they will make them more strong and you will be sharing your loving home and kind heart with animals that would be in need of your kindness.

 

[Leesha'sMum]

I think everyone has said all the right things. We lost our Leesha in Aug/05 and even though the pain has gotten easier, we think about her constantly. She is always in our thoughts and in pictures all over the house. One thing my hubby did was take one of her pics (her in front of the fireplace, her favourite place), had it blown up and put it in a beautiful frame. It is hanging on the wall right above where she slept in her basket. We haven't even been able to put anything in that spot. The kids have little pics of her all over their rooms and they enjoy talking about her. My husband still has a bit of a hard time talking about her but is doing it a little more now.

The memories will always be there, they never go away and it does get easier as every day passes. I also have a pic of her as my background on my computer, so I can see her whenever I need to.

I hope that your pain eases in time.