I am sorry for your loss. I also lost my sweet girl unexpectedly in January, and I have similar emotions. Today would have been her 10th birthday. It does not seem fair that they are taken from us when we love them so much! I don't want to feel sad anymore, but if I don't, then I am afraid that I am forgetting her. I know how you feel about getting (or not getting) another one. I feel guilty about considering another dog, because mine was perfect, and I just want her back. My husband has helped a lot by bringing out many of her pictures, framing some of them, and just recalling the fun times as we look at the photos. It was hard at first, but by putting up some of my favorite pictures of her, I feel like we are honoring her, and keeping the happy memories alive. Maybe it will help if find some pictures of him that make you smile, and put them around your house.